[bluewings]

I just decided to break up with my BF today...we were doing ok, enjoying each others company, then I just cranked up and lost control, I know its my depression and PTSD but he still didn't understand...I spend more time trying to teach him, and he tries, he does try, but in those moments I lose it and cant seem to pull myself out he takes it personal and punishes me for it, not physical he doesn't hit me, he judges me believing I like to attack, he thinks I do it on purpose to ruin his life, says I am an abuser, I guess I see what he's saying, but I know its not so black and white, I know that when I try every day to keep my head above water, I hope, I want a sunshine day, I envision a better future not rainbows and butterflies, or a millionaire..i envision being humbled, content, worked really hard and can sit comfortably, I never give up trying, I fall down and take a couple weeks to get back up, I rev up for 24hrs then spend a week trying to rebuild myself, and my BF doesn't truly understand how much work I put into it, I research everyday, I try to eat better vege's and fruit sip on water all day everyday, I take my meds every day and set up alarms for the 4x a day I need to take them, I do yoga every day, I go to my counsellor, I've seen many psychiatrists, trialled many different medications you name it I've tried it, and I still slip up, I try not to let it beat me down and kick myself, knowing I just gotta pick up and go again, always feels like 1 step forward 3 steps back..i give up sometimes before getn back on my feet, and for my BF to run away then judge me and accuse me for being this way on purpose, for choosing to be this way just added to my already down about myself...
So I ended it.... :"(
I have to get through this now

[bluewings]

Seems strange when I crank up, its like a completely different human being takes over...so tired of this

[leaJ]

It's tough to offer advice not knowing the in's and out's of the situation, but my boyfriend behaves similarly and we are on the verge of breaking up too. I just feel if someone really loves you, they will be there for you and support you through the hard times, not try to make you feel worse about yourself. Sometimes it's hard for me to figure out if he's being a jerk, or if I'm just being unreasonable, but regardless of who's fault it is, punishment and judgement are a form of emotional abuse and that's not helping you, it's hindering you. At least that's the conclusion I've come to. Do you think this break up is permanent or is this something that happens often? If you think that you guys may try to work things out, you may consider asking him to go to therapy himself, or couples counseling, not only to help him better understand what's going on with you, but he needs to stop treating you this way as well. I feel like I've been emotionally beat into the ground by my boyfriend and I really don't think I love him anymore...somebody can only abandon you so many times before you realize you don't need them in your life. I tried to work things out bc I'm pregnant, but this has been going on for months with no change. He tells me he'll go to counseling and then says he won't because I am the "crazy" one, not him. My opinion is that it's my responsibility to work on myself, but it's not my responsibility to work on him or try to fix a relationship by myself, and if he can't be here for me when I need him the most, then he doesn't deserve to be here when things are better. It's hard to deal with losing a relationship, which is why I haven't quite made the final decision to make him leave yet, but I am trying to find the strength to get rid of the negative people in my life and surround myself with positive people. I hope this helps. Hugs.

[Veronica2]

Hi bluewings...sorry to hear about your break up...but I think I kind of get it...I was just recently diagnosed w/PTSD as well and get 'triggered' by some things out of the blue and it seems this has only made little matters between my bf and I escalate and I totally get you when it seems you try everything to stay afloat and grounded...make progress and they really don't completely understand so the situation ends up being your fault...again...I guess the answer is, that despite it being a difficult time for you and you're trying your best...the person that loves you needs to be very understanding and supportive....and if they don't get that then I think it's a very hard road..take a little time for yourself and see if he also wants to put in the effort for the relationship. It sounds to me like you're really doing the best you can do so give yourself some credit for that and know you deserve the same in return

Originally Posted by bluewings

I just decided to break up with my BF today...we were doing ok, enjoying each others company, then I just cranked up and lost control, I know its my depression and PTSD but he still didn't understand...I spend more time trying to teach him, and he tries, he does try, but in those moments I lose it and cant seem to pull myself out he takes it personal and punishes me for it, not physical he doesn't hit me, he judges me believing I like to attack, he thinks I do it on purpose to ruin his life, says I am an abuser, I guess I see what he's saying, but I know its not so black and white, I know that when I try every day to keep my head above water, I hope, I want a sunshine day, I envision a better future not rainbows and butterflies, or a millionaire..i envision being humbled, content, worked really hard and can sit comfortably, I never give up trying, I fall down and take a couple weeks to get back up, I rev up for 24hrs then spend a week trying to rebuild myself, and my BF doesn't truly understand how much work I put into it, I research everyday, I try to eat better vege's and fruit sip on water all day everyday, I take my meds every day and set up alarms for the 4x a day I need to take them, I do yoga every day, I go to my counsellor, I've seen many psychiatrists, trialled many different medications you name it I've tried it, and I still slip up, I try not to let it beat me down and kick myself, knowing I just gotta pick up and go again, always feels like 1 step forward 3 steps back..i give up sometimes before getn back on my feet, and for my BF to run away then judge me and accuse me for being this way on purpose, for choosing to be this way just added to my already down about myself...
So I ended it.... :"(
I have to get through this now

[bluewings]

Originally Posted by leaJ

It's tough to offer advice not knowing the in's and out's of the situation, but my boyfriend behaves similarly and we are on the verge of breaking up too. I just feel if someone really loves you, they will be there for you and support you through the hard times, not try to make you feel worse about yourself. Sometimes it's hard for me to figure out if he's being a jerk, or if I'm just being unreasonable, but regardless of who's fault it is, punishment and judgement are a form of emotional abuse and that's not helping you, it's hindering you. At least that's the conclusion I've come to. Do you think this break up is permanent or is this something that happens often? If you think that you guys may try to work things out, you may consider asking him to go to therapy himself, or couples counseling, not only to help him better understand what's going on with you, but he needs to stop treating you this way as well. I feel like I've been emotionally beat into the ground by my boyfriend and I really don't think I love him anymore...somebody can only abandon you so many times before you realize you don't need them in your life. I tried to work things out bc I'm pregnant, but this has been going on for months with no change. He tells me he'll go to counseling and then says he won't because I am the "crazy" one, not him. My opinion is that it's my responsibility to work on myself, but it's not my responsibility to work on him or try to fix a relationship by myself, and if he can't be here for me when I need him the most, then he doesn't deserve to be here when things are better. It's hard to deal with losing a relationship, which is why I haven't quite made the final decision to make him leave yet, but I am trying to find the strength to get rid of the negative people in my life and surround myself with positive people. I hope this helps. Hugs.

Thank you so much for replying, and I appreciate everything you've said, and feel for what your going through also....for a lil more info on my situation my now ex BF had an affair last year with his ex of 8yrs ago when she contacted him that he had a daughter, he got caught up in a mess, and she told him she got pregnant again, all the while he was trying to get me back...his ex caused such a mess that long story short she ended it with him by telling him the daughter isn't his, and the babies dead so its sorted (her words exactly) last year in august....anyway 2wks ago she contacted my BF again, and he is willing to go through the same mess again thinking that I can emotionally handle that, on the 20th of june I have to go to the hospital to wear a holter heart monitor for 24hrs to check on my heart, My BF wants me to use that 24hrs to find him a lawyer for his paternity test...if I was stronger emotionally, mentally I would without any problems, but that situation with that women causes me anxiety, stress and triggers...he doesn't understand that, I tried to approach him and calmly explain why I couldn't help him out and it escalated...I think i'm doing the right thing? I think i'm right to turn down helping his situation if its unhealthy for me?

I understand how you need to get rid of negative people in your life, as I do the same, unfortunately I feel that my BF welcomes that negativity back into our lives..i understand he needs to find out the truth if he does or doesn't have a daughter, but I can-not be a part of it

[leaJ]

Originally Posted by bluewings

Thank you so much for replying, and I appreciate everything you've said, and feel for what your going through also....for a lil more info on my situation my now ex BF had an affair last year with his ex of 8yrs ago when she contacted him that he had a daughter, he got caught up in a mess, and she told him she got pregnant again, all the while he was trying to get me back...his ex caused such a mess that long story short she ended it with him by telling him the daughter isn't his, and the babies dead so its sorted (her words exactly) last year in august....anyway 2wks ago she contacted my BF again, and he is willing to go through the same mess again thinking that I can emotionally handle that, on the 20th of june I have to go to the hospital to wear a holter heart monitor for 24hrs to check on my heart, My BF wants me to use that 24hrs to find him a lawyer for his paternity test...if I was stronger emotionally, mentally I would without any problems, but that situation with that women causes me anxiety, stress and triggers...he doesn't understand that, I tried to approach him and calmly explain why I couldn't help him out and it escalated...I think i'm doing the right thing? I think i'm right to turn down helping his situation if its unhealthy for me?

I understand how you need to get rid of negative people in your life, as I do the same, unfortunately I feel that my BF welcomes that negativity back into our lives..i understand he needs to find out the truth if he does or doesn't have a daughter, but I can-not be a part of it

I don't think you are doing the wrong thing at all...
it's HIS responsibility to find an attorney and deal with the situation, not yours. I have a child from a previous relationship and I would never even think to ask my boyfriend to do something like that. IDK why he would even ask you...I personally think he needs to grow up and handle that on his own, you're not his mother!!!