relationships

I have been in a relationship for the last 2 1/2 years. We are now engaged. In all this time he has never told me he loves me. When he "proposed" he just gave me the ring. Most of his actions show me he loves me, but I don't understand why he doesn't say it. When I ask him about this he just says his family never shows emotions so that is why he doesn't. I would think after all this time he would say it if he really does love me. Am I asking too much? Am I asking for something he can't give me? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Day,

I can understand why you might feel slighted. However, it's always been my opinion that actions speak a lot louder than words. How does he show he loves you? Does he constantly do nice things for you? Does he take your thoughts and opinions into consideration? Is he constantly respectful? If you can answer 'yes' to these questions, then I'd say you have zip to worry about. Realize though that you may spend your whole life saying the 'I love you's' for both of you. Can you live with that in light of the fact that he is not used to sharing these sort of emotions?

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

I would be concerned that the inablity to express his emotions may get in the way later on in the marriage when you hit the rocky spots. Have you consider seeing a couple's counselor? That way you can learn/develop communication styles that benefit both of you using the knowlege base of a professional BEFORE you hit the difficult times. Just a thought.
Carrie

Its lovely to be told that youre loved by your partner but unfortunately some people find it difficult to say those words because of a lack of affection or loving expression thats often been shaped in our childhood years. It could be that hes been hurt in a past relationship who really knows. But, actions do speak louder then words and judging by your partners actions-he does love you. I dont think you have anything to worry about.

Gez

Hi day by day,

I don't think you are asking for too much although I can't help but wonder how you made it so far without him saying that he loves you. Do you feel that he really does even though he doesn't say it?

Have you ever asked him why or have you left it as it is with you wondering why but not asking?

His proposal doesn't sound very romantic or meaningful. Please don't read that the wrong way, you may not be able to see me but my intentions are not to offend.

Maybe he is not used to showing much emotions and would feel a little weak to display any. Although you are engaged do you feel ready to marry a man who seems to have problems being open with you? I am not saying don't marry him but perhaos a few things neeed to be considered and discussed before you make that final commitment.

And no I don't think you are asking too much for him to say it. Women have a need to be told things when a man expects that they know. Unfortunately that's the way it goes but you can teach him and he can teach you how the other communicates best. Maybe he will be more open with you and finally tell you those three words you are longing to hear.

Saying his family shows no emotion is a bit of a cop out. Because they do it doesn't mean he has to continue the cycle. If you both want to make your relationship work maybe you both have to meet in between.

I hope some of that helps somehow

I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing. It's very important to be able to communicate in a marriage. Will he be able to say I love you to his children? I think that if I were you I would try to get the both of you into counseling so you can reach an understanding before getting married. It's extremely difficult to live with someone who does not show their emotions. I know. I have. For thirty years. I still care about him but I lost something along the way because of it.

"he just says his family never shows emotions so that is why he doesn't."

If his family never shows emotions, then what are you getting yourself into? You want your whole life to be like this?

Choices, it's all about choices.

Thank you everyone who gave me their opinion on my "situation". Since I have written that a lot has changed. I talked to my fiance and told him how I have been feeling. Now everyday he says something nice to me. He still shows me everyday that he loves me. Of course now he has finally said it! And he keeps saying it. I finally am hearing "I love you"!

I am glad that there is a place I can vent my frustrations. Thank you again!