[Rebel74]

My family has lived in a different state for about 10 years now. I've gone to visit them several times, every year or two. My mother has visited me here once.

The thing is, my mom and sister are *always* going on and on about "oh, I'm going to come visit this fall", "this winter", "next spring", "next year" - whatever. And they never do. I mean, I'm over it by now - I know they aren't going to come visit me. But why do they keep telling me they are going to?

So now, my sister sends me an email and tells me that a woman she met while abroad is going to be visiting a city near mine, and so she might come to visit me. This just irritates me, in the past decade, she can't come out to visit me... but if some person from some other country is going to be here... she's coming. What a turd.

[Rhapsody]

((( hugs ))) - I understand, been there before.... what helped me was to admit that we all (even I) don't always do as we say when it comes to our family - I guess we kind of take them and thier love for granted at times.

Hang in there....

[Rebel74]

It's not a matter of taking them for granted - they are quite simply *never* there for me. They never have been and they never will be. And I've accepted that... it's just that I'd like them to be honest, and not pretend like they're going to visit if they aren't.

And I do visit when I say I'm going to, and if I'm not going to visit I tell them "I can't make it this year".

aawwwwwww Rebel *Hugs***

I'm so sorry!!!

[Sarah116]

Hate is a big word, you should not hate them for that just be dispointed. Yet I cannot tell you how to feel. Just bringing it to your attention hate is a strong word. Maybe you could make a time and keep it like that. Plus some people are very busy.

[Rebel74]

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Sarah116 said:
Hate is a big word, you should not hate them for that just be dispointed. Yet I cannot tell you how to feel. Just bringing it to your attention hate is a strong word. Maybe you could make a time and keep it like that. Plus some people are very busy.

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You know, I don't want to sound b*tchy... but you guys are totally invalidating my feelings here. It's really p*ssing me off!

I don't like being told that I'm taking their love for granted, or that I shouldn't hate them.

And I'm supposed to just accept that they're so busy they can't visit me ONCE in TEN YEARS??????????????????? Who is that busy? Like I'm not too busy? I've gone back there several times at the expense of my own money & vacation time, and they never visit me. I think that's a pretty legitinate reason to be mad.

You know... this is a far less supportive board than I thought it was going to be.

[Rhapsody]

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Rebel74 said:
it's just that I'd like them to be honest, and not pretend like they're going to visit if they aren't.

And I do visit when I say I'm going to, and if I'm not going to visit I tell them "I can't make it this year".

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Have YOU tried telling your family exactly what you just said here, word by word?

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

(((((Rebel))))))
I understand. I've been there. What's worst is them not stopping by to visit you when they are in the neighborhood. Or when you go and visit them at their house and they're busy doing housework or spending time with an aquaintance. You sit there alone thinking "Why did I waste my time? They act like they've got better things to be doing."

My family is like a bunch of actors on a stage-everyone is trying to out drama the next. Me, I'm not into the whole drama thing-which has left me sitting in a theater seat by myself and everyone is too busy performing to come by and sit to talk with me.
I deserve better. You deserve better. You'll have to learn not to need them in your life if they cannot treat you like you are somebody who's loveable and special.
It's easier said then done but if you don't then it's going to chip away at your self esteem and self worth-which can be devastating.
By the way, the one response you got was a little unsupportive and preachy. You have the right to your own feelings. You're in pain right now and you're lashing out. You're allowed to be angry. It's all going to be okay. Hang in there.

[Fuzzybear]

I understand and agree with Jax.... been there too

[alisandria]

(((rebel))) I can understand this all too well. My parents would come to the city I live in, which is right next door to them, to shop. Drive right past my house. Actually even saw me shoveling the deep heavy snow, knowing how bad of a back I had. My mom, actually called me when they got back to her house to tell me they drove by the street, was gonna stop in, but saw me shoveling so continued on. INSERT ROLLING EYES here....mind you of all the times I would go to my parents and mow their lawn, or clean their house to help them out...I just don't get it. My sisters would treat me in a similar fashion...I finally stood up and said something to them when it happened again (you know the smart things you think of long after the situation). It didn't really change much of anything, just put it on the plate, and let them know how I felt. Some people are so set in their ways, and just cannot or will not change. But don't you go changing to suit them.

If this were me (and being over the phone is always so much easier to do than a face to face confrontation) next time they say something, ask straight out. Why do you continue to make elusive plans when you never follow through with them? I have heard this same promise for ten years now...yaddi yadda. It doesn't have to be offensive, it's not, it's a valid question that you deserve a respectible answer to.

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))) Lisa

[almostangela]

My sister lives a mile from me and still doesn't visit (my place is 'below' her standards), but she has adopted a friend and tells everyone that she is her sister and will do anything for her. Which is funny because when I go into her community and people say "I thought Michelle was her sister" and I laugh and say, 'no, that's her pretend sister, I'm her only sister". This really p##es her off. Families are never perfect but can be very interesting.

After sharing that, I'd suggest you tell your sister what is really on your mind. That you really miss her and would love for her to come visit you. Tell her that truth that you are feeling left out. I bet she will try to come through for you. Family may be stupid at times, but they are not all bad.

[weather]

I agree. But sometimes, it is wise to set some adrift occasionally.

[Sarah116]

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Rebel74 said:
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Sarah116 said:
Hate is a big word, you should not hate them for that just be dispointed. Yet I cannot tell you how to feel. Just bringing it to your attention hate is a strong word. Maybe you could make a time and keep it like that. Plus some people are very busy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You know, I don't want to sound b*tchy... but you guys are totally invalidating my feelings here. It's really p*ssing me off!

I don't like being told that I'm taking their love for granted, or that I shouldn't hate them.

And I'm supposed to just accept that they're so busy they can't visit me ONCE in TEN YEARS??????????????????? Who is that busy? Like I'm not too busy? I've gone back there several times at the expense of my own money & vacation time, and they never visit me. I think that's a pretty legitinate reason to be mad.

You know... this is a far less supportive board than I thought it was going to be.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I am sorry you feel that way, I know this board is not the best but if I look on the bright side it is one of the best. Plus not trying to be rude or being bothersome to your feelings but Bathroom and profane talk will get you no where! I suggest you find a healthy way to get your feelings and anger out, plus it is just a visit they are fine no one died. Be thankful good luck to you!

[Perna]

Hey, Rebel, I think your relatives are the ones with the problems not you. I think they're still fooling themselves which is the problem. They want to think of themselves as caring relatives and seriously, as coming to visit. . . some time. They probably don't think they're pretending.

Sorry your feelings are hurt by them and their thoughtless, insensitve ways.