Not a Person of My Own

I feel as though I am not a person of my own, that I am a robot that keeps thinking about what other people think of it and is afraid of having opinions.
I keep mewling about all sorts of things- always the same issues- what other people think of me and what I can do to ply myself to the wants and needs of other people.
I have an abysmal level of self-esteem- somehow I keep demeaning myself so that I have someone to talk to and thus have serious abandonment issues.
Is it really worth it? Should I be a slave of other people's opinions?
It's a dog-eat-dog world out there and I am no eater material, all I can do is avoid being an eatee.
I would appreciate your input on the matter...come to think of it, to hell with your opinion! :P

No self esteem and believing it is a dog-eat-dog world will definitely crimp your style

It's worth it to build your self esteem; liking yourself and talking to yourself is much better than demeaning yourself so the real "losers" will talk to you.

Have you ever tried any kind of therapy?

Yes, there is this book character who keeps talking to himself and then someone notices and asks him why he's doing it and he replies: "No one else is worthy of hearing my thoughts, my existential quandaries".
I am sick and tired of letting "losers" have that kind of power over me.
My mother thinks it would be useless for me to try therapy, as she thinks no one would be capable of telling me anything that I wouldn't already know.
Thank you for the reply, it means a lot to me. *hug*

The key to therapy is to participate in your own recovery. A therapist can help you re image yourself and help you to believe the good things. You just have to be willing to accept them and actively change your thought patterns.

The world isn't as dog-eat-dog as you would think. There are a lot of genuinely good people out there. Try to notice the good because it will show you that there is a lot that you are missing.

I don't think I am ready to disclose my innermost thoughts to anyone yet.
I *would* like to try online therapy sessions, as I *would* be capable of conveying my issues via an artificial medium.
I don't think I would be able to hang around with "good" people-they are too boring. :P

Well, then stop complaining. If you find good people too boring, stop complaining about others who do not understand your existential quandaries.

These two quotes combined encompass the core of your issue, and until you work on resolving it, nothing good will happen.

Individuation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

We're friends, so I hope it's transparent to you that I mean well. I think you could benefit a lot from therapy. I think you're more than a little bewildered now, which in my not so humble opinion is perfectly understandable. What I think you need is someone who can be of assistance to you and guide you away from unproductive thoughts as you make your own sense of things. I've been in therapy for years, and while I've had it up to here with therapy now (for reasons I'm sure you can relate to), it has been helpful. Even though my therapists were never wells of wisdom to me. They probably haven't told me anything I didn't already know or suspect. And I suspect they told me all of it. So there.

The best way to survive the dog eat dog world, is to have your own opinion!

In order to be a shark and not a fish, it's a matter of developing what sharks have that fish, do not!

If mom, won't let you go to therapy, she just won't.

Counseling can help. Becoming your own person, helps even more.

Hope it all works out for you!