Husband is Controlling

I am going to say, that sometimes, it's not about how young, nor how long married. Based upon my own experience.

Of course, you give your husband no reason not to trust you! And deep down, it sounds like you realize this isn't of your creation, it's whatever fears are burrowed deep inside of him.

Insecurities can run rampant, between young and old. When I married, my (now ex) husband was 39. I was 27, on my wedding day.

He was like this, the entire marriage. Call me when you get there, call me when you are leaving, why didn't you answer the phone, on and on and on. One August day, he called me 42 times in a 7 hour time frame. He was in an inner rage and a half, that day.

Was he insecure because of what he'd seen in his surroundings between other couples, or insecure to feel that he was unworthy of an honest loving relationship? Some of that, is part biological, as he was eventually given a prognosis of one part bi-polar. My therapist, also suggested a bit of adult ADHD--which can lead to some OCD behaviors. And another part, environmental, with the second part of his prognosis of Borderline(personality disorder). He'd lost his dad, at a very young age and grew up in a family of 11 children. Cannot imagine that, was an easy life to have lived.

Now, regardless of why you husband behaves this way. The main part is, how are you going to set yourself up to no longer be subjected to this behavior?

Are you currently seeing a therapist? They can help you, learn to assert yourself in order to say, listen, I cannot tolerate these third degrees for missing the phone ringing, and also how to set up a time frame of when and how many phone calls you will accept.

This type of living, can lead to a quasi-traumatic injury to yourself!! I have some phone aversion issues, that even after all these years, I am working through.

Granted, there are many other reasons why I am not married. So, that is certainly not a solution I'd recommend. Learning to get this resolved is the solution I'd recommend. You, are a human being, and have every right to have just a fair amount of breathing room, without being verbally attacked for missing a phone call or two. And checking in, and accounting for every moment of your whereabouts to appease the racing mindset he must be enduring is something you don't need to rescue from him.

And yes, you are walking on eggshells, when you try to soothe that inner nagging suspicion of his.

.but I read on pinterest the other day, "mood doesnt excuse bad manners.."

thanks! what a great saying.

I can add that insecurities do not excuse bad manners either. Or, traumatic childhood experiences. Or, the position of the stars. Or, anything else save for a clear case of a life-threatening emergency...

... these things can EXPLAIN bad manners, to some extent, but not EXCUSE them.

thanks so much