possible to love someone you do not know well?

nicolerose · Jul 13, 2013, 12:39 AM

thanks for all the replies, im still reading through some of them

i guess i just have really strong feelings about him and i am trying to deal with it all. i am already very hurt by this, but still i cannot let him go.

i want him to be with me without cheating, i am still hoping that he will break up with his girlfriend.

i really do think hes a good person, i know that i dont know this for sure but the chances are that he is a good person. i can tell. from how he interacts with other people, from how he interacted with me. i guess, ive already accepted everything about him.
i guess some people will find it strange. but there is something about him.. that makes me not care about anything bad that i will find.

i think that it could work out if i had a chance with him, i think that if he gave me a chance maybe he would actually like me. and if he did, and he did not cheat on me, then i dont care about anything bad that i find in him.

even though i dont know him, hes one of the rare people in my life htat i think that i can really fall in love with completely, that will become "real love" if we had a real chance at a relationship.

i think the initial feelings matters a lot to me, before i meet someone. because if its only the "experiences" then you could fall in love with anyone really, and then why do appearances or feelings of attraction before you get to know someone matter at all. then you can throw a guy and a girl and if they spend enough time together then it can be "love" after some experiences even if there was no initial attraction (i guess that does actually happen sometimes, that people fall in love with each other after they get to know each other better)

for me, the feeling before getting to know someone is very important. maybe i only want to be with someone that makes me feel this way
ive never really desired a relationship with someone that did not make me feel this way

scorpiosis37
"all of those things "you might learn about him" that are what CAUSE someone to fall in love in the first place"

i think that for me, the attraction before i get to know them, is really important. and i can fall in love with someone from just that. maybe i am just shallow.

i know that what is happening now is not "real love", but it hurts me a lot because i know that it can become real love if i just had a chance with him. and i think finding a potential guy like this, that makes me feel this way, is very rare.
ive already accepted everything about him. maybe what i want from a relationship or what it will take to make me happy isnt that deep.

scorpiosis37 · Jul 13, 2013, 01:10 AM

Can I ask how old you are, nicolerose?

nicolerose · Jul 13, 2013, 02:42 AM

im in my late 20s

Jul 13, 2013, 03:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicolerose

do you think.. its possible to love someone that you do not know well?

maybe i am shallow, but to me, there are some certain qualities that if a person has then, i can overlook any other flaw. and i think that this guy has those things (very kind, respectful, gentle eyes, physically attractive to me.)
hes not the most physically attractive person in the world, but i find him attractive, he has fit arms, soft brown hair.
he is a gentleman and a "nice boy" type.

i am in love with him.. and my feelings for him are very strong, but i dont know him well. and some people say that this isnt real love because i dont know him. i wouldnt "die for him" or something like that. but my feelings for him are so strong, and my thoughts about him are not only sexual, but other things too. and its not just an obsession or something. i want to be with him and i really think that it can work out and i just wish that i could have a chance to get to know him better.
personally im pretty easy going and i think that he is too. i think we could have a good relationship.
the feelings are so strong that i cant just forget about him and find someone else, that is the problem. i cannot find someone else that makes me feel the same way. im not looking for someone to replace him. but i cant even find someone else that i am so attracted to and that i have such strong feelings for. there is something about him that does this to me..

i know that unless i find something terrible about him like hes a criminal( (and im pretty sure hes not) or he cheated on me orsomething that bad, that i will still love him. even if i found that he was a criminal depending on what he did and how bad it was then maybe i dont care about that either. the thing is that he has certain qualities that i dont really care what his bad qualities are. i know that i dont know him well so maybe i will find some things about his personality that bothers me. but i can overlook it, i dont care because there isnt anything that will outweigh the good things that i see in him.

actually when someone tells me that my feelings are not love but just a crush or an obsession, i feel hurt, like there is somethig wrong with me. maybe this is the way that i love someone, by falling for them and then wishing that i could know them better. maybe i do think about them more than a "normal" person would, but does it mean that it isnt love just because i think about them too much? i do naturally have an obsessive personality so just because i think a lot about someone even when i dont know them that much yet, doesnt mean its *not* love or that it couldnt become love. maybe it is the first step of a "real love", and i really do feel like i love this man.

so do you think its possible to love someone you dont know that well?

Hi Nicolerose, I can relate to many of the points you raise in your post and after reading this thread, with all it's negativity, I want to say that I believe you can fall in love in with someone you don't know well. I am surprised that not many people support your views. Then again, I am a dreamer. But let me ask the nonbelievers this:

How many of you can say that you did not love the man/woman you MARRIED??? Yes how many people have dated, lived with someone, allegedly were aware of their faults and MARRIED them, then after 5, 10 or 25 years, say I never really loved them?

Come on folks. Talk about being "real". Who is to say that "knowing" someone better gives you an advantage on love? I don't see that Nicolerose is saying she doesn't know much about this guy at all. I see her post as saying that she does know quite a bit about him. She already knows some of his faults, his passions, his thoughts on life and she's seen him react to others which is indicative of her interpretation of him as a "nice boy".

I have felt the very same feelings you are having Nicolerose. I don't see you as "shallow" at all. In fact, I see you as someone who has a depth that is not readily apparent to most people. I understand that inexplicable feeling you can get from someone special. It is a "sense" you have about the person. I have had that myself but in all my 30+ years of being in and out of relationships (I'm no teenager), I find it very rare to have the feelings you describe for someone. I have maybe had them for one other person in my life (other than the one I have feelings for now). The man I previously "felt" this overpowering attraction to (not physical) was someone that I still love but for, shall we say, practical reasons the relationship could not be completely satisfying.

As far as a "real" relationship being reciprocal, I don't see that as a prerequisite either. I believe you can truly love someone without reciprocity. Hasn't anyone ever heard of selfless love? You don't need to receive in order to give your love to someone. That is just my opinion. Others are certainly entitled to theirs.

I think you are quite able to discern the difference between a "crush" (which I agree is a hurtful thing for someone to say who doesn't understand your feelings) and real love. I say this based on your post alone. If you have the ability to put out these questions, then you have the ability to know in your heart how you really feel about this boy/man. Whether or not the feelings are returned is immaterial. YOU feel it!

You say he is taken and I think you get that. Maybe his relationship won't last long with the other girl and, if you're still available, and he's interested later then I would go for it. However, I don't recommend waiting for anyone ever. Go on with your life. I just wanted to let you know that I agree you can love someone without knowing them well.

Good Post!!! Good respondents as well.

hamster-bamster · Jul 13, 2013, 03:30 PM

Nicole Rose,

Since the feelings seem genuine, and, since you do not want him to cheat on his current gf with you, but do want him to break up with the girlfriend, you can tell him that you are interested and available in case he breaks up with his gf, and leave it at that. Ball in his court and you have done something to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality.

But be prepared for a rejection.

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