[Shellyx21]

Hello, I'm writing this thread because I need help in a big decision I'm
About to make in my life. I've dated my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we really don't have a lot of arguments but when we do it's always about the same thing, his mom and his family in general. Ever since I started to date him we have always had a problem with his mom. His mom doesn't like me because she says I changed her son, the problem is that when I first met him he was sort of a momma's boy, he was way to attached to his mother and I feel that she thinks I took her son away from her. She said how can he love me more than she. But I think she's crazy, a mothers love is completely different of the love I give him. It's like if she's jealous of me. In out first year of dating his mom called me and started yelling at me how she didn't like me and that I ruined her sons life and she just said so many hurtful words that just makeshift
Sad remembering. His mom always showed that she didn't like me, my boyfriend has a cousin who is dating a girl for less then 4 years and my boyfriends mom is super nice with her, she buys her Christmas gifts, birthday gifts and just treats her as if that was his sons girlfriend and it's not about the gifts or any thing trust me, but just seeing people treat you different right infront of your face is painful. My boyfriends mom LOVES her daughters ex boy friend, they only dated for less than a year and last week my boyfriends mom started crying because she misses him mean while he's a bad guy. He is a drug user and he would try to convince my boyfriends sister to sell drugs for him. He was also very rude and disrespectful to my boyfriends parents and I just don't understand how a person like that gets love from my boyfriends mom and his family? I have never in my life been rude to his mom or anyone. His cousins always have something to say about me but they all get alone with there other cousins girlfriend. Everyone pushes me aside like I'm a nobody and they do it infront of my face and it hurts. I can't be strong anymore I'm
Tired of always being the one putting up with l this . Should I just leave him ? I feel that this is hurting me Andy self esteem by being treated this way, I feel like he doesn't do anything and he doesn't try to listen to me when I explain the way I feel, should I give up ? I've been fighting for this to not effecte for the past 5 years and I just can't keep going

[jadzea]

One thing to remember is that you are having a relationship with your BF, not his family. I know that is easy to say because the family will always be around but hopefully in time they will come to accept you.

How does our BF act when you are treated like this? Does he just ignore his family and act like it is your problem or does he stick up for you? My father came from a very ethnic background and married a very American girl. His family had a wake when they found out. When they were at his family's house they spoke in Italian about her. My father would translate everything they said for my mother. He also made it clear he would not tolerate them mistreating her. When I was growing up my father argued with his family while he was supporting his "half-breed" kids. Before my grandmother died she told my mother she was the best thing that ever happened to the family.

If you BF is not supportive of you I would tell him you need him to be. If he does not change, he is no better than his family. It may be time to move on. Good luck.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Shellyx21

She said how can he love me more than she.

he doesn't try to listen to me when I explain the way I feel, should I give up ? I've been fighting for this to not effecte for the past 5 years and I just can't keep going

She said, what, again?!

I get, when we get involved with someone, we are getting involved with them and not their family, BUT, we do get involved with their family and their family of origin issues.

You just expressed here, that he doesn't try to 'listen' to the way you feel.

Is this where you want to be, 10, 15, 20 years down the road?

jadzea's advice is very good, IMO. Your bf needs to be supportive of you and help set up boundaries to protect you from the toxic mother/his family. If he will not do this - you two will have numerous problems that will likely get worse as time goes on.

I don't think the situation is a "deal breaker" for your relationship if he puts you and your relationship with him first. It won't be easy, but it can be done. But only if he takes the steps to do so and continues to keep up those strong boundaries to keep the toxic mom, etc., from negatively impacting your relationship.