I am going through a bad time (mixed state), where I have periods of extreme anger. Okay when I'm alone or with friends, but I seem to let loose with my husband.

This morning, I was a raging bitc* with him, and I feel so remorseful. It's not me, and it's not the woman he fell in love with and married. He has stuck with me through so much over the past 2 years (physical and mental illness), and I'm afraid he will tired of it and leave me.

He says he is committed to me forever, but I still experience this fear. I wish I could just keep my trap shut when I swing to mania, but I just can't.

Why does this damn illness continue to fuc* up my life!?

Patience is what I need. Still at 25 mg lamictal only, and not going up to 50 until Saturday. Maybe things won't be quite so bad at 50? Taking 100 mg geodon at night, and 2 mg saphris and still feel this way. Plus, gaining a ton of weight (well, 10 lbs) on saphris.

OK, I"ll shut up now.

[gayleggg]

Hang in there and maybe the lamictal will calm things down when you raise it. Sounds like you have a good husband. I think we all feel guilty over our mental and physical illnesses, but we can only have so much control over such things. Best wishes to you.
Gayle

[Perna]

When you realize you have let loose on your husband, apologize simply and let him know you love him and discuss ways the two of you can help you recognize when you have a legitimate hurt you are angry about versus just any old thing?

I will get to explaining something interesting to me that my husband doesn't get, for example, and he'll ask, "Am I going to understand this?" and I'll think about it and wrap up the story or continue, according to what point I'm making and whether it really is important for him to hear or me to tell.

You could do something like that, have your husband ask, "Are you really angry because of a situation involving me or someone/something else?" and maybe that would calm you enough to either explain your issue with him with more respect for him or stop and apologize right then and explain the issue you have with someone or something else.

Of course, I have the problem too of not being able to judge what is that important sometimes; I will complain quite angrily about small, inconsequential things that could be discussed better in a request, reminder, or helping conversation; someone else's behavior is their problem, not mine but if it bothers me (my husband never dries his hands adequately or surfaces where he has been using water and it feels nasty to me and gets the bottom surfaces of paper bags, cardboard boxes, medicine, etc. wet and the bathroom counter, if I accidentally lean against it when I'm half awake, my pajamas will wick up the wet) I have to remember my husband is not doing it to deliberately make me angry and it will take some time and several requests, reminders and help to get him to make a change or for me to teach myself to check surfaces first before I use them (my responsibility and the only person I can control).

Originally Posted by newgal2

I am going through a bad time (mixed state), where I have periods of extreme anger. Okay when I'm alone or with friends, but I seem to let loose with my husband.

This morning, I was a raging bitc* with him, and I feel so remorseful. It's not me, and it's not the woman he fell in love with and married. He has stuck with me through so much over the past 2 years (physical and mental illness), and I'm afraid he will tired of it and leave me.

He says he is committed to me forever, but I still experience this fear. I wish I could just keep my trap shut when I swing to mania, but I just can't.

Why does this damn illness continue to fuc* up my life!?

Patience is what I need. Still at 25 mg lamictal only, and not going up to 50 until Saturday. Maybe things won't be quite so bad at 50? Taking 100 mg geodon at night, and 2 mg saphris and still feel this way. Plus, gaining a ton of weight (well, 10 lbs) on saphris.

OK, I"ll shut up now.

Question for you, Im not sure this will help you, but maybe help me understand- when you get angry with your husband but are able to control your anger around others, is your anger directly related to him or something he did? Or is it just that its safe to "release" that anger on him? Do you blame him for your anger?
I apologize for all the questions- Im trying to help sort thru some issues in my life. Any insight..

Thanks and the best of luck. I hear lamicital is the miracle med!

Originally Posted by leftlanepassing

Question for you, Im not sure this will help you, but maybe help me understand- when you get angry with your husband but are able to control your anger around others, is your anger directly related to him or something he did? Or is it just that its safe to "release" that anger on him? Do you blame him for your anger?
I apologize for all the questions- Im trying to help sort thru some issues in my life. Any insight..
Thanks and the best of luck. I hear lamicital is the miracle med!

Hi leftlane, I think the reason I unleash on him is because it's safe. That's where the guilt/remorse come in. I feel so guilty for verbally abusing someone - - and that's what I consider it when I lash out way out of proportion to the perceived "harm." I think deep down I knew he would take it. It just seems so ugly to me because it reminds me of my mom lashing out at my dad for no reason, and him just turning the other cheek.

This morning was MUCH better. No morning anger for the first time in a couple of weeks. Not sure why!?

Thank you for the good luck wishes. Hope you're doing well. :-)

I asked because my gf does this to me, she is sometimes very remorseful and sometimes blames her behavior on me. I just want to understand it.