Why am I not happy at home?

I live in a cookie-cutter family. My parents are happily married and are very nice people. Yet I can't stand living with them. I know I'm taking things to hard because that the selfish brat I am, but I don't know, I'm getting so tired of them being so quick to accuse me and brush off my feelings.

I have a number of problems with them, such as the fact I've been told multiple times that nobody cares what I think or say. They yelled at me every time I had an anxiety attack, which then escalated into banning me from stuff because I "couldn't get a grip on myself." I have really bad touching compulsions that my mom gets mad at me for, claiming I'm doing it for attention. I'm terrified to ask her to take me somewhere for an OCD screening although I exhibited a lot of the symptoms, because I know she'll just yell at me for being concerned. When I kind of hint that I have a low self-esteem, one that's driven me to contemplate suicide at times, they just tell me that I'm hurting their feelings for feeling like that because they're good parents.

And I know I deserved being called names in certain situations, but when I go to them for help, they just call me arrogant and snobby and so on. I have really bad loneliness issues and when I want to tell my mom how bad I feel, she starts listing off all my flaws and tells me it's my fault no one likes me. No consolation, no advice on what I should do. I've tried reaching out to others, I've tried listening, I've tried so many things, yet I still don't have friends and she just says I deserve it.

It's gotten to a few points where my dad has almost hit me and my mom tells me she wishes I wasn't her daughter. I'm not normally combative in nature, possibly because I'm too scared of people to disagree, but I do have a tendency to argue with them more than any other person, but I'm not calling them names or anything. It's honestly the other way around (i.e. one fight we had I was nicely explaining to them why I was tired that morning and I could still go to bed normally, but neither of them would let me explain and ended up yelling at me and calling me things until I was crying which prompted them into tell me to suck it up and calling me more things).

They don't even respect my personal boundaries. I can't stand being touched, yet they continue to touch me in the places I hate most and act offended when I ask them to stop. They've called me weird and told me there's something wrong with me when I tried explaining that being touched makes me uncomfortable, threatening to take me to a psychiatrist just because of it.

I've really wanted to move in with my grandparents, who sense something wrong and already offered me a place to stay a few times. And I know this is incredibly selfish, but I want to take them up on it. I know, I know, I'm the ungrateful, insensitive brat like my mom keeps telling me I am. I know I shouldn't be such a bad person about this whole thing, because this really is all my fault. I guess my main question is, why does this all get to me? Why am I not happy at home? It's really bothering me. I've ended up sitting in my room for 10+ hours a day because I want to avoid them. Why do I dislike them so much? Is this just another dumb teen thing or what?

You dislike them because they are constantly belittling you and don't respect your boundaries.

Going to a psychiatrist could be very helpful because they can prescribe things that can help the anxiety. A therapist could help you manage and cope with triggers. They can also help you work on your self confidence. If its possible you should move to your grandparents.

If anything, take your parents offer and see a shrink. Tell them you want to make an appointment and go. The worst that could happen is your parents complain but then you can tell them that they offered.

I'm not sure I know what you mean by a cookie cutter family but your parents certainly are not sensitive to your needs and feelings. If you feel going to stay with your grandparents would be selfish and ungrateful why not ask your grandparents to sit with you while you talk to your parents about how you feel? That way you will have someone there who is on your side and not afraid to speak frankly to your mom and dad. They could act as moderators. Also, if there is someone at your school that you trust you can talk to them about your OCD fears. You do not need to include any information about your family. Just talk about you.

It sounds like things are very difficult for you and I hope you are able to get help soon. You do not need to be going through all this anxiety.

Yeah, you sound like me before I admitted to myself that what I experienced in childhood was actually emotional and (in my case) physical abuse. My mom kept telling me that everything she was doing to me was normal and okay. I was a child and had no reason to question that she was right and what they were doing was normal.

I couldn't see that what they were doing was wrong. My parents were together. I just assumed that my family was normal and the problem is that I am just an ungrateful spoiled brat for hating them and getting defense/angry at my mother at the drop of the hat. No one had ever taught me what "abuse" was and I had no way of knowing what verbal abuse was or that everyone didn't hate their parents. But eventually, I started to realize that most people don't feel the way I do about my parents. I started reading articles on the topic and I realized that my family was not "cookie cutter" and I was actually badly abused. My mom tricked me into thinking otherwise because she knew she was abusing me and didn't want to change. That took a long time for me to come to terms with, but the chance that maybe they were wrong really validated my feelings.

You're affected by it because they are your parents. They are the only people in the world that are supposed to love and support you and instead, they are hurting you. Anyone would be deeply affected by their mom telling them that their opinion doesn't matter. That's only natural. You never deserve being called names by your parents. I don't care what you did, a child always deserves respect from their parents. Parents are supposed to guide and teach their kids. Sometimes it involves punishment, but it never involves belittlement. You never deserve to hear your mom say she wishes you weren't her daughter and almost getting hit by your dad is not something that happens in a "cookie cutter" family. You have every right to feel whatever you might feel towards your family. It is not selfish. It is selfish of YOUR PARENTS to say those horrible things to you.

If you are underage (which I think you are) and they are emotionally abusing you constantly, you need to tell someone. If your dad ever actually does hit you, you need to tell someone. It isn't your fault, it isn't ever your fault. They are the adults and are supposed to exercise self control. You deserve to escape that situation. It is not selfish at all to go live with your grandparents.

Also, if you are having suicidal thoughts, you NEED TO TELL SOMEONE. Tell a school counselor. Don't bother with your parents. I can't tell you with 100% certainty that it gets better because I don't know, but I can tell you that it got better for me. I don't have to hide in my room for 10 hours anymore. I'm 20 years old and I don't live with them throughout the year anymore. I can walk into my kitchen and grab food without fear of hearing about how much of a fat loser I am. I'm still working on figuring out how to get out of their house year round. But yeah. I can relate to your story so much and I feel so much for you still in that situation.