contacting an ex

Hey everyone,

So I guess I'm just looking for some advice. I was seeing a guy for about a year and a half. We broke up for a few months during that time, I ended things, then when we got back together he was very different. Like when we were first going out he couldn't do enough for me, and really pursued me. Then when we got back together I guess he knew that I really wanted to be with him and didn't treat me well for the first two months. I stayed with him because I missed him so much when we had been apart. And he said when I was ending things the first time that I'd never find anyone who'd love me as much as he did, and that got to me after a while.

Anyway we broke up two months ago after being back together for about four months. We got into a really big argument that went on for like 3 days, and I ended it because he said some really nasty things. He was trying to get back with me for like a week and came to my sisters wedding even though we were broken up. Then he sent me a message saying he didn't want to talk to me, basically the text was saying that I'm in the wrong and haven't treated him well. And he said he wasn't going to read any texts I send back that he had to move on with his life. I obviously didn't write back but I'm really missing him again now. I saw him this weekend for the first time, we just said hey when we were passing and he had this really freaked out face on. I'm just wondering if I should text him to say hey and that I dont want us to be hating eachother. I kind of knew he'd cut contact, he's really dramatic, and he knew it would really get to me after a while. The last time we broke up he started seeing someone, I honestly think to get at me, and I'm really worried he'll do it again.

It's just such an awful way to end things, I think that's why I'm finding it so hard. I don't understand how one minute he loves me then wants nothing to do with me. Should I contact him?

I would leave well enough alone. I don't see that contacting him would do anything but cause more pain on both sides. Let him go and move on. Good luck to you because I know you are still hurting.
Gayle

There's nothing you can really do at this point sadly. Contacting him will only cause more problems or pain. This relationship seems to have ended. It should probably stay that way. I know you miss him, but what's done is already done. Move forward and good luck.

When you've left, and then he pursued, sounds like a cat and mouse game. And you are a human being, with valid feelings and needs. Not a pawn in someone elses baggage.

It's just an opinion, but I don't think you should pursue him. Give it a little time and space for him to miss you, because at the rate you guys are contacting each other all the bad memories will upstage the good ones. It's good to miss the good parts of the relationship, and let it be like that. Don't contact him, let him miss you, and if it's meant to be, you guys will get back together.

Just don't contact him, if he's really dramatic he'll try to contact you.

Personally if you're not happy in this relationship, you should let it go. If he's said nasty things, he might very well do it again and take you for granted. The whole hurt cycle starts again. That's what's happened to me before. I should've just left when I had the chance.

No.

It's his loss and it's time to move on. Don't waste time thinking about scenarios of contact or making up. Stay strong and you'll feel better about it in the long run.

No.

Not all break ups result in all the loose ends tied up in a bow. Move forward.

Good luck

Ok thanks for the advice, I wont contact him. It's just really hard after everything we've been through together that he could just cut me out of his life so easily. It's strange to think he'll probably just never contact me again, after a year and a half. It's so hurtful and I'm worried I still wont be over it in a year or something, it's a really scary thought. I was so happy and confident before we went out, and I just want to get back to that place again. Anyway thanks again for the advice, really appreciate it.

I can understand where you're coming from, I think one of the hardest things to accept/deal with when breaking up with someone is knowing that I'll be totally insignificant to them, especially when they get into another relationship. I did get over them though, it took some time but I moved on. But yeah, it's weird to think about how men I once cared very deeply for don't give two shits about me now, it still kinda hurts, although to be fair, I don't really care about them anymore either.