[HeartTornOut]

So I had this friend...who i cared a lot about...we spoke every day, from morning till late at night. He would hit on me sorta and lead me on...I'd kinda ignore it...but then he'd outright saying he wanted to date me, which put the consideration into my head...but then in the morning he'd always be "Forget what i said last night, i didn't mean it" and it would keep going on all the time. When we'd hang out in person, he'd want to be the only guy around me...he'd shoo away other guys or intimidate them away from me....and act like he liked me...but then deny it. I'd confront him about his flip-flopping words and he'd make several excuses. By then I'd already become interested in him...and he kept doing this same "I want you, you're the only person I like" and in the morning, he'd freak out, push me away...and make excuses and say we'd never work. Finally at this one event we were hanging out, I said "you know what, you're right, we're really not compatible in that capacity, but we make fantastic friends". then a few nights later he posted something on facebook and i was just like "Have fun mate" and he messages me "Are you being passive aggressive?" and i'm like "How...do you get that from that?" and he's like "well you haven't spoken to me in two days" (i was sick and sleeping most of those two days)....i tell him that, and he's like "no, no, you're disappoined we're not compatible" and i'm like "but i'm not." - i wasn't... I didn't care anymore, I mean the last time we hung out i felt nothing towards him like that, i was actually pretty bored and wanted to go hang out with other people instead (course i didn't tell him that, didn't want to hurt his feelings)...and he kept demanding i be upset over it...got to the point where he screamed "I REGRET KNOWING YOU" at me... i was like "what the hell" and in the morning, he apologized and said to forget it....then it continued...now instead of hitting on me every evening, he was accusing me of being upset or demanding I be disappointed we're not compatible... finally I'd had it. i was like "this is over. you can't take back the cruel **** you've said, or all this flip flop behavior between day and night. i can't handle it anymore. I'm gone"

Now he's trying to turn all our mutual friends against me... I haven't said a word to any of them, but he's apparently been talking.... In the past when stuff like this has happened... I just cower away and let the other person win...I never stand up for myself...BUT i don't want to lose my friends this time... yet I don't want them thinking badly of him or choosing sides....i mean yeah our friendship is over - but I don't wish bad things to happen to him....but if i talk...bad things will happen to him...but if i keep quiet, bad things will happen to me....what should I do? I don't want to lose my friends again.

[avlady]

I'm sorry for your situation, i don't know why someone would do that to another person, is he mentally ill in any sense, maybe he needs help, and is looking and it is a cry for help because of the way he treats you. About your friends, they will see what is going on, most likely, or you could talk to them and explain what's going on. They probably already see it if he's talking behind your back. You must feel lonely dealing with this, so please talk to a friend.

[HeartTornOut]

Originally Posted by avlady

I'm sorry for your situation, i don't know why someone would do that to another person, is he mentally ill in any sense, maybe he needs help, and is looking and it is a cry for help because of the way he treats you. About your friends, they will see what is going on, most likely, or you could talk to them and explain what's going on. They probably already see it if he's talking behind your back. You must feel lonely dealing with this, so please talk to a friend.

This is going to sound weird, but this is how the community works in my social group. He's a more popular cosplayer - he has more famous friends than me...so people will believe him without even asking me because he's more beneficial to them to be in good standing with. And i seriously think he has abandonment issues - so i think he did like me, but was afraid, so he'd push me away and punish me because I still stayed - and then got irate when i finally did leave all "i knew she'd leave" in his head like it was my fault and not his actions that caused it. he sabotaged it on his own. Not a single person has asked my side of the story...they're still being nice to me, but there's a disconnect... should I just start telling them my side? how do I approach this without it seeming like I'm starting drama?

[HeartTornOut]

I want to bump this. ;.; cause I really need help here. the situation is driving me wild.

Something similar happened to me Heart, a friend kept pushing me away and then being super nice and then really nasty and hurtful and then super nice again. It felt like a total head game and although I stuck it out as a friend to them, we gradually grew apart and now we dont really speak.. That aside I think just do your part, keep things civil and try to let what hes saying not get to you too much. Your friends will see that hes the one being awkward. Just stick it out and let go a little. Maybe if you have one other friend you can confide in you might feel a little less isolated?

You can't control your friends' reactions to this. I think it is perfectly fine to tell them "your side" of how things went down with the guy ... keep it factual and brief. He'll likely be dramatic about it - ignore it and hopefully your mutual friends will remain friends with you. Just be yourself and if your friends reject you over this - well, they aren't true friends and you are better off without them in the long run. Best of luck.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

You can't control your friends' reactions to this. I think it is perfectly fine to tell them "your side" of how things went down with the guy ... keep it factual and brief. He'll likely be dramatic about it - ignore it and hopefully your mutual friends will remain friends with you. Just be yourself and if your friends reject you over this - well, they aren't true friends and you are better off without them in the long run. Best of luck.

Yes. Do that - tell them your side.

Basically, what he is doing now is damaging your reputation.

I am sorry you did not cut him out earlier, but there is no way to change the past, so now you need to do damage control, including a preemptive strike in the form of telling them your side of the story. As rainy suggested, factual and brief. Do mention why you are telling your side of the story ("it has been brought to my attention that such and such said so and so, and I want to take a few moments to explain that, in reality, ...)