Thinking of switching therapists

I feel as though my relationship with my therapist is odd, but this is the first time I have been in therapy so I am not sure. She will not disclose anything about her life, ever. She even seems uncomfortable when she returns from vacation and I ask her where she went. Doesn't that seem odd, or is it me. She also is not very compassionate. I know she is not supposed to be a mother figure or something like that, but shouldn't I feel that she cares? I have even confronted her about these issues, but she always turns it around and makes it about me. I tell her that I think her "objectivity" gets in the way of things when she makes such an issue of it. All this makes me feel very angry. At any rate, I made an appt with a different therapist for next week to see what someone new would be like. I figure if I like the new guy, I will just leave her a message that I am not coming back. If I don't like him, I can always go back to her. I know this is not the ideal way of handling this, but I don't know what else to do. I would appreciate your thoughts.

Hi kitty,
That is not uncommon for any therapist to not reveal anything about them, including their vacations, it is part of the code of ethics crap. You are right to check out a new therapist because it it important that you feel comfortable with therapy. I have one who is nice but her eyes start to close before the session is over, I know I probably can become boring, but that is still rude so I may be looking for a new one in the future. I miss the one from where I use to live, plus he was a psychologist, PhD, she's only a social worker and doesn't have much knowledge on the meds. like my former therapist did. It is hard for me to adjust to another person's technique also. I don't even want to say anything to her about her "sleepy" eyes cause she is a really nice person, she shares some of her past experiences with me which makes me feel like we are chatting not "analyzing," so that helps me not hold my hangups in, they gently come out and we approach them. I am just going to give a little more time. If you find you are not getting any positive feedback, etc. then you should"sample" some. Hope you will be feeling better soon, mentally and physically Take care of yourself.
"darkeyes"

Hi Kitty:

I agree with darkeyes. If you don't feel comfortable, it's time to shop around.

WIL

When a therapist is told that their client is feeling uncomfortable around them, and feels like there is this imposed distance between them and the client, and finds a way to address the issue only by turning it back onto the client ("Well, why do you feel as though I am uncaring? How does this relate to other times in your life you've felt uncared for?")... I would think it's time for some action.

Some therapists are just that way. They believe that you're there in a very professional relationship, and that empathy and the sharing of details of the therapist's personal life are just distractions or unnecessary to helping you change in your life.

I think such things build rapport and a stronger emotional bond between the therapist and client, which I believe is important in order for the client to change -- to feel like they are in a supportive, caring environment where change can be nurtured. It doesn't sound like this therapist is a good fit for you.

It's not a matter of a good or bad therapist, you just need to find one that fits your style. You'll know it when you find him or her.

Good luck,
John

Thank you all for your support. I was not sure if it was just me and I am just "unhelpable", but your responses make me feel a lot better about my doubts. Doc John: that is exactly what she says - how does this relate to other times in your life you've felt uncared for - it was making me wonder if I was selecting relationships (including therapy) where people do not care for me as I feel this way often - friends, family. (Except my husband. I don't know what I would do without him.) Other than on this board, I have great difficulty discussing my feelings because I am afraid the person does not care and am terrified of being exposed... and this therapist makes me feel this way. I would say half of my sessions are spent in silence because I can't disclose anything to her and then she seems to get frustrated and angry with me. I have my appt with this other therapist on Wed so I will see how that goes.

Kitty, I agree wholeheartedly with DocJohn and I, too, like the kind of therapist he believes in being. But the fit thing is the most important part because what one person might like another one might like. It sounds like you want one to act "human' with you. Can't blame you. That's what I want too. I think that empathy is the cornerstone of getting better, too. When a therapist can see what it feels like to be in the clients shoes, to me, is important. Not that it's always possible but a therapist can have a good idea or just convery empathy for the suffering one is going through. Hope this makes sense.

I usually like humanistically oriented eclectic therapists. Still searching for one, too. I'm seeing a social worker (who is not for me I know now) and since I moved I'm going to have my files sent to a new closer center and get a new counselor and psychiatrist. If they have a psychologist there I may try to see him/her, too. Best of luck to you. CQ

<font color=blue>"Real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves." Joseph P. Thompson</font color=blue>

<font color=red>"Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression." Isaac Bashevis Singer</font color=red>

<font color=purple>"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes." James A. Froude</font color=purple>

I have found it very comforting when my therapist has responded to my questions as another human being. I have had difficulting understanding that people exist outside my sphere of sight. They just kinda disappear only to reappear when I am around. Yeah, I am stunted at a very low age level. Ha ha. Anyway as my T and I were working with this difficulty I would need him to tell me stuff about him to "prove" that he existed beyond me also that I existed beyond him. For a short period of time I was afraid that if I was away from him I actually disappeared. Weird huh? Of course there is a limit to how much a T should share before it is corrupting the therapist/client relationship. He is very good at making sure that his responses are simple and nat at all private.

Zen

PS the most nauseating thing that happens to me is when I am driving and I look at another driver in another car and realize that they are going some where and are going to be doing something that I will never know about. It actually makes me sick to my stomach the image is so powerful and frightening.

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The path is narrow to the right madness. Be wary of trembling in the wrong places! The demons often disguise themselves as gods. And vice versa.--Sam Keen