My boyfriend enjoys taking pictures of me without me knowing

Here's how I found out about his weird "habit" if that's even what it is. He was showing me some pictures on his phone and I came across some old pictures he took prior to us being together (though we were already getting to know each other) these pictures were of girls' butts at a night club. These girls clearly had no idea the pictures were taken because they weren't posing for the camera. I found that kind of creepy and confronted him about it but he said that was a one time thing he was drunk and thought it was fun to do it. I got over it but recently I found a lot of pictures of me in his phone. Pictures he takes of me when I'm changing without telling me he's doing so. It doesn't bother me that he has them. But I think is creepy that he doesn't tell me about them. Does he have a problem? Is that normal? Am I exaggerating?

Taking photos without consent is pretty weird but not strictly illegal. Why don't you just confront him about this again and see what he says? Tell him that you don't like it.

it's not illegal since he took them of you and you dont mind but as to the question of whether he has a problem, I wonder if he does. Seems kind of like he has a problem with voyeurism. Thankfully it sounds like it's just of you but still I don't think you should leave it at that, at least communicate your knowledge or concern about it. Part of voyeurism is the fact that it's done without the knowledge of the targeted person. I wonder if he'd still do it, knowing that you have found him out.

It might not be illigal but it's very disrespectful. There are websites where people share these photos, I would want to know that the photos were not being passed around. Not saying he is but he seems to have a blurred line of boundaries. Pretty sure if you want to take nude photos of your partner you should get permisssion. I would not want to be with someone who did not respect me enough to let me decide for myself.

If it bothers you, which it seems to definatly talk to him about it. No your not exagerating, I would be pretty creeped out if my bf was doing this and then keeping it secret.

This isn't good. He doesn't know that you are willing to play along; he thinks it is not consensual and it is a sexual situation for him. It was probably a fascination, and then a compulsion for him. It probably took a lot at first to overcome that barrier of risk - getting caught - even just to take the clothed pictures of butts. Now he is crossing more lines because that wasn't enough anymore. It isn't just about what he is doing, which is creepy. It is what he might do next when this is not enough.

I agree with you wholeheartedly Anika (and hi, btw ) I didn't say what you did because of the fact she did say 'she didn't mind' that he took pics of her but yeah it's no less creepy and you are 100% right that it's disrespectful. I am not sure why I didn't mention it but it did enter my mind to wonder whether the pics have been shared since that's the tendency with guys like that.

Very likely true. who knows how far he could take it. what about hidden cams in the bedroom and secret sex tapes? That seems like a logical progression if it goes further...

Total tendancy with this type of thing for these people to share these photos, I think that is part of the thrill for them and I am sure that is illegal.

The nonconsensual part is the biggest problem. It makes one person the victom or target and the other person the aggresor or predator type roles. If you gave him permission and were aware when he was taking the pics he might not be intrested in doing so at all. And that is a massive red flag imo.

Even people who enter BDSM relationships usually do so with full consent. To me what he is doing is a violation.

Sure people takes pics of their partners sometimes, but the element he is adding to it is very creepy. It might be totally different had he talked to you about it first and you came to an agreement. When you found the pics of the other girls did he know you were creeped out or uncomfortable with what he was doing? He might have been having fun, but ick If a guy did that to me and I found out I would be furious and feel violated.

Sandman, nice to see you too!

It's called Voyeurism Voyeurism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia And unfortunately NOT NORMAL. I would confront him for sure and talk to him and tell him this is a problem. Because it is, if it's not the first time, it's definitely a fetish.

I wonder how he managed to take the pictures without your knowing? If my husband was anywhere near me with his cellphone while I was changing, I would immediately be suspicious. Plus, the phone makes a noise when a picture is taken. In my opinion, he has crossed a boundary. This is not okay

First of all, people take photos everyday of other people without consent. It is photography. General photographing is perfectly legal. Many artistic photographers, painters, drawers, sketch artists etc, like to capture a moment with a person unaware of their being drawn, painted or photographed because it is a more natural moment of human behaviour. If the photographer wished to use that photo for profit, then it would require the consent of the person in the photo to have it displayed publicly. People have to stop thinking of this as a twisted and voyeuristic tendency all of the time.

If you feel uncomfortable, then yes, he must respect it. If you have no issues with it and he is simply capturing a moment of natural human behaviour for personal enjoyment of a partner he cherishes, it could be seen as quite romantic. Just try to see all angles of the issue. It could be artistic expression, romantic attraction, a mild voyeuristic tendency, or something more concerning. Just don't automatically assume the worst.

I note that although he excused the "fun" behaviour with his drunkenness, he kept the pictures, obviously still considering them fun.

It's all totally creepy. A firing offense, in my book.

I've seen girls keep photos of guys they had fun with in the past or photos of celebs they find hot saved on cellphones. Tit for tat. If girls can go gaga over guys' booty why can't men? When women fought for gender equality, I took that to mean equality both ways. If we want to be able to oogle a cute guy's butt, then we shouldn't condemn guys for it. It all depends on what each person expects of partners and themselves. If a female does not like it and she does not keep photos of former partners herself, then by all means, fairness and respect both ways. However, there are relationships where looking at a cute behind is not offensive to either partner so it all depends on each person involved.

I agree with the part that photography is taking pictures sometimes randomly without the consent of people that are in the pictures like in public or what not, but here's where his actions fell outside of that realm. They were photos of someone where it would normally be crossing the lines of privacy. It's not just with photos either, if he were peeking into a girl's room without her knowledge the majority of people at least that I know would call that creepy. It could be easily deemed as invasion of privacy and so taking photos of this nature fall into that category. Now if she had known he did this kind of thing and had given consent and all that's different but she didn't.

And I might add to your other comment about equality, for me at least, I make no lines between if it were a girl photographing a guy, a guy taking pics of a girl or even girls taking pics of girls, it doesn't matter, it's related to privacy more than it has to do with that it was a guy doing it. That's how I see it anyway.

I agree once again and the bdsm example is a very good one since it's an extreme case in my mind. If they are consensual about it no one should have a problem with it and there's nothing wrong.

As for people taking pics of their partners, that's true.. but I add one point to this, it's even kind of ok to take candid and perhaps secret photos of your partner, if it were in a public or normal place, where the targeted person did not naturally expect to have privacy. That's where this is wrong. Along with the concentual part.

It's all up to you...if you are uncomfortable with it then you need to tell him. Whether or not he has a 'problem' can't really be diagnosed by anyone but himself and/or a professional who has assessed him. If it bothers you ask him not to do it. If he continues, well, then there's a problem. And as long as you let him know that you're thoroughly creeped out by it and you do not consider it fun or funny or harmless, even when they're pictures of you, then it's all above-board. Everyone is different. Some people care and some don't. It's really hard to compare your experiences to someone else's; just try to go by what you feel.

This.
If his kink is secretly taking photos of you, nothing wrong with that as long as he has your full consent.

I would try talking to him about it openly.

Just a reminder too, you can turn off the noise a phone makes. and if the man is that determined, he knows that.

Your examples are not exactly relevant to the OP's situation, as her issue is not with her partner keeping photos of past partners or hot celebs, nor with her partner looking at other women. I agree that there is usually nothing wrong with any of the above.

Her partner is doing something different - he's taking sexy photos of women in a manner that makes it seem like he specifically gets a thrill from not having their consent. It's not the sexy image that's the problem, the problem is the rush that he feels when he's doing something sexual to/with his partner without her agreement.

That being said, OP, I feel like you should talk to him about it. Tell him that you don't want him to take partly nude/sexy photos of you without your consent. That's really all you should have to say. If it's a fetish of his and you're willing to accommodate it (not that you have to be!), perhaps you could tell him that he has ongoing permission in certain situations to take photos of you without your knowledge. I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to go there, though, especially as there's some trust issues at play now.

His response SHOULD be sincerely apologetic, he should realize that he's crossed your boundaries and feel really bad about doing that. If you get the vibe that he's brushing you off in any way, or if you feel like you still don't trust him to not do this again, then perhaps it's time to reconsider being with him. Trust is key in relationships and there are plenty of men out there who would never want to violate it and who fully understand how creepy the above behavior would come across.

There ae more than a few phones that do not have the option to turn off the sound for camera shutter. I have a relatively new Samsung Galaxy S3 and it does not allow for that. I have tried simply because it bugs the heck out of me. :/ (not because I ws taking voyeur photos! pleas understand that!)

Very true but it seems as though she's already made it clear she hasn't given consent and is uncomfortable with it.