[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I feel crappy. I wasn't originally bothered by it, but it's now something that's crawling around in the deepest chasms of my mind: an ex of mine, is now pregnant. I laughed when I found out. I don't much care for her nor her nonsense; we had a thing a good few years ago. It's just, ... it's a reminder of how old I now am, and that, right now, I don't feel like I have much. Can anyone relate to that?

The other thing, is that I'm single - this isn't a cry me a river moment, don't worry. I don't actually know what to say, exactly - maybe someone can relate to my ramblings, so as to give it some worth. I went through some stuff a while back, and, piling that on-top of other things, I just don't have any confidence in the idea of a relationship, nor the strength or courage to get kicked in the nut-suck, again. I feel muffled by fear, apprehension, familiarity, and solitude; these things, strongly go against the loneliness and longing for purpose, that I can't deny I sometimes feel. Does anyone relate to all this?

I say that I'm just trying to sort other areas of my life out, and work on myself, but I think that's just a facade, to cover-up the fear. It's not exactly very masculine, to say: "I'm scared to be in-love and vulnerable, again."

I'd probably not post this anywhere but here, because, I feel like people here would/could actually understand. I imagine the response I'd get from your average Joe, would be: "Suck it up." or "Crap happens - there's plenty more fish in the sea." or other entirely unhelpful anecdotes.

I'm sure I'll forget about this, and go back to my bubble of denial, but right now, there's a leak, and my special brand of Denial Air, is escaping.

[AceHaven]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

I feel crappy. I wasn't originally bothered by it, but it's now something that's crawling around in the deepest chasms of my mind: an ex of mine, is now pregnant. I laughed when I found out. I don't much care for her nor her nonsense; we had a thing a good few years ago. It's just, ... it's a reminder of how old I now am, and that, right now, I don't feel like I have much. Can anyone relate to that?

Speaking of someone who's nearly 38 and has completely given up on the chance for a real relationship, I think I understand where you're coming from.

I don't like to hear about the happiness of ex's or even of family\friends because it's just a reminder that somehow I've gone through life mostly alone.

Not sure if I really have any positive advise to give, been looking for some of that myself, but I can say there are others out there who feel your pain.

[BonnieG2010]

How about taking your life into your own hands and trying to make something good about it?
I've done it.
It was hard word.
But now I'm happy.
How does it sound?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Bonnie, Thanks. I will absolutely say that what you said is condescending, rude, hugely unhelpful, barely even relative to my original post, and I expected better from someone on a supportive, understanding site like this. Nowadays I don't usually bother replying online with how I really feel, but what you said hit a nerve. As it so happens, my presumptuous poster, I have been in the process of sorting various things out, which, if you had read my post properly, you'd have realised. I'm so very pleased that your life is wonderful, and I'm sure it took a tremendous amount of effort to get to that amazing state of well-being, but that is your life, not everyone else's, so kindly consider this in the future, lest you hurt someone more vulnerable than I.

AceHaven, thank you for your reply; it made me feel a bit less like crap.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

I feel crappy. I wasn't originally bothered by it, but it's now something that's crawling around in the deepest chasms of my mind: an ex of mine, is now pregnant. I laughed when I found out. I don't much care for her nor her nonsense; we had a thing a good few years ago. It's just, ... it's a reminder of how old I now am, and that, right now, I don't feel like I have much. Can anyone relate to that?

The other thing, is that I'm single - this isn't a cry me a river moment, don't worry. I don't actually know what to say, exactly - maybe someone can relate to my ramblings, so as to give it some worth. I went through some stuff a while back, and, piling that on-top of other things, I just don't have any confidence in the idea of a relationship, nor the strength or courage to get kicked in the nut-suck, again. I feel muffled by fear, apprehension, familiarity, and solitude; these things, strongly go against the loneliness and longing for purpose, that I can't deny I sometimes feel. Does anyone relate to all this?

I say that I'm just trying to sort other areas of my life out, and work on myself, but I think that's just a facade, to cover-up the fear. It's not exactly very masculine, to say: "I'm scared to be in-love and vulnerable, again."

I'd probably not post this anywhere but here, because, I feel like people here would/could actually understand. I imagine the response I'd get from your average Joe, would be: "Suck it up." or "Crap happens - there's plenty more fish in the sea." or other entirely unhelpful anecdotes.

I'm sure I'll forget about this, and go back to my bubble of denial, but right now, there's a leak, and my special brand of Denial Air, is escaping.

I can relate to the feeling that working on self can feel like a façade. It's one of those things, one hears over and over again, when one is single and complains about the loneliness that goes along with it. It's almost like, for me, I've wanted to cry out/scream out, how much more must I work on myself? As though, being alone is supposed to be the utmost greatest gift known to man?! (or woman)

I'm curious, on a personal note, why the laughter at the pregnancy? I'm picturing reasons, but got a chuckle upon reading that sentence.

Though it may not be very masculine, in your eyes to come right out and say that you are scared to be in love and vulnerable again, it certainly speaks to your inner angst/turmoil/current mood.

I've got absolutely no clichés nor words of advice. You asked if anyone could relate, at various points in your post. So, consider your post, relatable.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Thank you, healingme4me! I don't go around just complaining that I'm lonely and all that, but it can be part of the parcel, to simply add lonliness as a sorta subtopic. I laughed because of reasons that I shouldn't really say - I may be bitter, but I try to stay attached to my morals. :P If you chuckled, though, you'd probably find it all so amusing, if you knew the full story. xD Ah well, maybe a kid, will help her to grow up.

[BonnieG2010]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

Bonnie, Thanks. I will absolutely say that what you said is condescending, rude, hugely unhelpful, barely even relative to my original post, and I expected better from someone on a supportive, understanding site like this. Nowadays I don't usually bother replying online with how I really feel, but what you said hit a nerve. As it so happens, my presumptuous poster, I have been in the process of sorting various things out, which, if you had read my post properly, you'd have realised. I'm so very pleased that your life is wonderful, and I'm sure it took a tremendous amount of effort to get to that amazing state of well-being, but that is your life, not everyone else's, so kindly consider this in the future, lest you hurt someone more vulnerable than I.

AceHaven, thank you for your reply; it made me feel a bit less like crap.

I'm sorry you took it so badly.
Yesterday I was as tired as can be, so I did not add more. I had an idea that you might take it badly, but not THAT bad.

I didn't mean to say i'm up and you're down. Nowhere in my post i said that.
What I read in your post is something in the nature of: I'd love to but I can't. Better, some parts of you would love to (have relationships, babies etc) while other parts can't or won't have none of them.

It might have been my fatigue, but your post didn't have the taste of "I'm working on it" to me. I read more of a snapshot of what you feel inside of you right now and you just asked if other people can relate to this. Yet you feel crappy, because that's what you wrote first.

I can relate to healingme4me remark: "how much more must I work on myself"? Sometimes it seems like an endless road. I know it's hard. But when I looked back I never wanted to be one step back, that's what moved me forward.

Again I'm sorry if my post made you feel bad: I never write to make people feel bad.
But after observing, thinking, rethinking and whatever we need to do, the most important thing I have learned in my life is to say to myself: "ok. so what am I going to do now?"
Whenever I could describe all my feelings yet remain in their observation it will only made me feel worse. Shrugging the bad feelings off with some action, with some plan in my mind on how I can make my road easier, how I can make myself feel better made all the difference to me.

That's what I tried to condensate in 4 lines.
Does it still sound so terrible and snobbish?

[kirby777]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

I feel crappy. I wasn't originally bothered by it, but it's now something that's crawling around in the deepest chasms of my mind: an ex of mine, is now pregnant. I laughed when I found out. I don't much care for her nor her nonsense; we had a thing a good few years ago. It's just, ... it's a reminder of how old I now am, and that, right now, I don't feel like I have much. Can anyone relate to that?

The other thing, is that I'm single - this isn't a cry me a river moment, don't worry. I don't actually know what to say, exactly - maybe someone can relate to my ramblings, so as to give it some worth. I went through some stuff a while back, and, piling that on-top of other things, I just don't have any confidence in the idea of a relationship, nor the strength or courage to get kicked in the nut-suck, again. I feel muffled by fear, apprehension, familiarity, and solitude; these things, strongly go against the loneliness and longing for purpose, that I can't deny I sometimes feel. Does anyone relate to all this?

I say that I'm just trying to sort other areas of my life out, and work on myself, but I think that's just a facade, to cover-up the fear. It's not exactly very masculine, to say: "I'm scared to be in-love and vulnerable, again."

I'd probably not post this anywhere but here, because, I feel like people here would/could actually understand. I imagine the response I'd get from your average Joe, would be: "Suck it up." or "Crap happens - there's plenty more fish in the sea." or other entirely unhelpful anecdotes.

I'm sure I'll forget about this, and go back to my bubble of denial, but right now, there's a leak, and my special brand of Denial Air, is escaping.

I can definitely relate. Almost every person I went to high school or college with is married (per Facebook). I never have been married. I am lonely. I have issues that I need to work on. It really does bother me.

I do not want to date either. I could not mentally handle it.

I just wanted to say you are not alone.

[avlady]

I also know you're not alone, i have also been there but not back all the way, i just take it one day at a time, which is the hardest thing to do sometimes. Setbacks come across, i have to deal with them one at a time too.

[kirby777]

BTW-
This always is shoved in my face by my "oh so loving family". As is my mental health and physical issues.....Yes, I WANTED to have a bizarre neuro disorder, depression, PTSD, etc.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think I know how you feel, kirby777.