[TYMBERWOLV]

Ok,
Here we ago again, I went marriage counseling last night with my spouse and one of the things that stuck out was that she stated is " That she needed me to be secure enough with myself to give up control " I agree to this somewhat but I feel that I'm "Hard Wired" as a aggressive personality ... Now I'm going to classes (anger management ) to deal with some of the past so I can have a better future ..

Here is the thing that troubles me is that how do I go about giving control up ??? Can we actually do this ??

I'm finding out that I have a issue with time .. I feel my time is precious and I rush around getting everything done and finsing out that I'm really planning for the future but missing the present

So I need your advice and help to understand some methods of giving up some control in my life

Tymber

[Diann]

Ahh, I remember when I had to give up control, it was not too long ago. I have had two failed marriages that made me face the fact that I had to give up control, not easy for a woman either. I found out that you cannot control life, love or other human beings. What will be will be. The boss upstairs has our life planned out the moment we are conceived. Once we know and beleive this life is easier. You have to trust in yourself also that what you don't get done today will be here tomorrow, that's just life. you have to trust in your wife also that she can and will help you if only you let her. Really let her in to everything, your fears, your feelings of love for her, the things you like and don't like. Open your heart to everyone, only then will you find the peace that you need. Men are hardwired to be "Gods", so to speak, they think they must "fix and control" everything that is in their life and the lives of loved ones. This is not true. It fact it has been the short commings of many great men in History. Deal with your fears and shortcommings one at a time, it may take time, but the outcome is more than worth it. Good Luck

[Rhapsody]

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TYMBERWOLV said:
Here is the thing that troubles me is that how do I go about giving control up ??? Can we actually do this ??

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YES....... we all can give up the control that is not ours to have over another.... we just stop trying to fix it all and we allow the other person(s) to have a mind and to decide some things for them self.

.... We step back and even leave the room if we feel that we are taking over another persons life.

.... We offer advice only if asked for it and then we do not push out advice onto another, and if they choice not to accept what we said - we leave it alone..... no anger!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[JustAPixie]

mmhhhhhhhh... control.......... Good luck there..... I also have control issues, my survival hangs on the fact that I am in control....

[TYMBERWOLV]

The struggle is not releasing everything it is releasing the things that in the whole grand scheme of everything really doesn't change an aspect of life

For Example ::: What is for dinner tonite ??? does it really matter what is for dinner as long as you eat something .. It is the simple things in life that I just fuss over and neglecting the important things like better communication, or feelings of other people

[Rhapsody]

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TYMBERWOLV said:
For Example ::: What is for dinner tonite ??? does it really matter what is for dinner as long as you eat something .. It is the simple things in life that I just fuss over and neglecting the important things like better communication, or feelings of other people

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Sound just like a true HIDER...... people that nick pick at the small stuff all while their life and relationships are falling apart around them.
Tell ME this - What are YOU afraid of having to face if you actually acknowledge the things that are wrong and more so the things that you do wrong?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[TYMBERWOLV]

I think that I was issues facing that I had no control over how my relationship was falling aprt I felt that I was doing everything possible that could have been done while I was doing that I just never realized that I was attempting to control my spouse so I can control the situation and I'm finding out that it was a bad move for me.. I like harmony in my life... I keep harmony by controlling certain situations that I deem out of control problem is I'm finding that every situation regardless of the magnitude is out of control therefore in my maleness we try to fix everything even though the other people would rather have someone that would just listen without any suggestions ...

Learning things the hard way

[Rhapsody]

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TYMBERWOLV said:
Learning things the hard way

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As do most people....... you are not alone.

.............. and YES, for the record most females would just like to have some one that will sit and listen to her when she needs to talk, and not always try to fit things.

I personally use to hide from having to talk to my husband about any thing that had me upset for he would always try to solve it for me instead of listening....... which BTW greatly helped to loosen the hold the problem had on me - Talking is the Release valve to a Females upset Emotions.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -