[InvisibleButterfly]

I am not sure where this post goes, so, if I've put it in the wrong place, please forgive me. I'm feeling really down today. For over a year now, I've had no family. Pretty much all my life they have treated me badly. I'm adopted and when my mother brought me home, my grandmother said that I was not her blood and would be treated as such. So, there ya go, that was the beginning of the end so to speak. Last year, my aunt was in the hospital in very bad shape. I did not even know about it until I read one of my cousins FB pages. I was furious. I confronted her and she told me what was going on. Well, my aunt got better and she was released. Two days later, she committed suicide. I was not told where her funeral would be, so, I never really got to say good bye. Later that year, my mother kept throwing one of my cousins in my face because she has money and just basically trying to make it seem as tho she was better than me. The thing is, I know lots about this cousin and she is not so innocent. I tried telling this to my mother, along with telling her that I'm setting boundaries that I will not allow her to cross any longer. She is, and always has been, an alcoholic. My mother got angry, told me she never wanted to hear from me again and claims to have disowned me. Mind you, I have two kids that were close to her and now she wants nothing to do with them. So, then comes this year, my grandmother passes away. I did not know she was in the hospital nor did I ever know she was even sick. My mother would not let me see her, talk to her or say goodbye. I wanted to come to the funeral, I was told I better not show up. Then, in March of this year, one of my other cousins committed suicide. I didn't even know about until 2 weeks later because one of her friends wrote on her FB page. I would've never known otherwise. Again, wasn't allowed to her memorial. I have tried to be nice to my other cousins, I've tried to show them how short life is and I've begged them to stay in contact. None of them will talk to me. I even swallowed my pride and called my mother this year on her birthday...she thanked me and then hung up as I was telling her about the kids. She doesn't send them cards or call them for birthdays or Christmas. My heart breaks for my kids and I, at times, feel so lonely. I have no friends. The only people in my life are my two kids and my bf. I still feel like a huge part of me is missing. *sigh* Thanks for letting me vent.

[lynn P.]

(((InvisibleButterfly))) - I'm truly sorry for how your family treats you and its a shame. Is there anyone in your family who has a level head and some compassion....who could keep you informed of who's sick etc? This is a free country and you could pay respects to a deceased relative, regardless how the family feels. I don't understand how they could be so cruel and uncaring. They're obviously miserable people and don't let that make you think its you who's the problem. Enjoy and love your kids. I pray it gets better but if it doesn't its their loss. Wishing you peace and love.

[radio_flyer]

Reading your post, tears just started flowing. I am sad by the harsh treatment of your mother and grandmother. I don't know what to say. Other than they are the ones missing out not having a relationship with you. It is their loss. Shame on them!

[Anika.]

Gave me tears too. I am so sorry for the way your family has mistreated you. You deserve better than that. I too have next to no family. Have been disowned by most of them. And while sometimes it does hurt, they are not people who I would want close to me or my kids. I think I feel lonely in the general sense of not having grandparents, father, any cousins or aunts and unckles etc. But not really lonely for the ones that cast me off, if that makes sense. It's been many years for me tho. In general they were not the nicest people unless you have something they want, and I don't have what they want.

Does your boyfriend have family that you could become closer with? My boyfriends family has been great about accepting my kids and myself into their family. And tho no it's not the same, in some ways it's better. I know they like me for the person I am and not because they just feel obligated ( like I know most of my family would). They don't live close to us but I imagine if they did we would be closer. Maybe that is something you could have.

And you do have your own little family. And that's a good thing... you can show your kids what family is really about. They can go on to model the same for their children...creating a healthier stronger bond for the next generations of your family. I have to try to see that as well.

But I am sorry, you deserve compassion and love from your family.

[HourHand]

I am really sorry you were thrown into such a group of people who cannot be graced with the word family. Sounds like you're the only one with the concept of the word. I understand your hurt and your pain because I have been rejected from birth too for no reason at all other than I was available and weaker than 'them'. God bless you, I pray that it will get better for you and your children.