[Road2Change]

Well, let's just say I made a huge mistake. I realize that and I am extremely upset about it. To the point where I haven't eaten in a couple of days and all I want to do is sleep.

Well let's get down to it...I slept with my best friend's girlfriend...

It happened a couple a months ago for the first time after a long night of drinking and she came back and stayed at our other friend's house. We slept on the same piece of furniture as there weren't many places to sleep, but I didn't go into wanting to hook up. But it happened.

Immediately the next day, I made it a point to never tell anyone and that I was sorry and we both agreed to act like it never happened.

Some of the other friends swirled some rumors about it but we just denied it.

Over the next couple months when we got drunk we would hook up. All while she was still dating my best friend. (alcohol is another problem of mine, but not to blame as I know it is not an excuse).

We started to hear some more rumors so we stopped ( even though it should have never happened EVER).

Recently as this past weekend, a mutual friend called another mutual friend of mine, who was with me at the time. He wanted to tell him that he heard a rumor about me and the girl and he heard it from a reliable source, the girl's best friend.

I hit rock bottom. I tried to put this terrible memory out of my head for months and here it was again. But there was no one to blame but myself. I am the selfish one, and this was a consequence of my actions.

My friend that I slept with his girlfriend has heard these rumors too, but the girlfriend has shot them down everytime. But this time it will be hard to deny.

So I am debating on coming clean. I can't live with this guilt anymore. I know I will lose some friends from this. Most of which I have known for over ten years or more but I need to turn the page and start fresh. I know it is extremely selfish what I did. But that is why I am here, to become a better human being after all of this. I know he is going to be hurt as he loves this girl alot so I am scared as what he is going to do to me, but I think it is best to tell the truth and stop living in this life of lies and me being a terrible friend.

I will probably lose friends because my other friends will think I'm not trustworthy if I could do this to a friend. That's why I am so scared to tell him because my friends are like my family. I basically screwed over a family member. I don't want to tell him, I wish we would all just act like it never happened and the rumors weren't true, but that's not reality. I think it is best to tell him the truth before he finds out some other way.

So my questions to you all is: How should I tell him? Any other advice or comments?

I know I sound like a terrible person, and trust me I feel like one. Just trying to start fresh and live life not as a phony anymore. Any help would greatly be appreciated.

[kaliope]

I think one of the bigger problems here is your drinking. are you looking at that? that it could change your character enough to deceive your best friend multiple times. is it time that you looked at your drinking and did something about that as well?

is the girl willing to sit down with you and tell him? that may be the best way to go. otherwise, just tear the bandaid off. let him know that you have been dishonest with him and let him know what has been going on. there is no easy way around this. good luck.

[gayleggg]

I, agree with Kaliope. Address the alcohol problem and sit down fact-to-face and tell your friend the truth. I know it will be hard but you owe him that. Then you will have to live with the consequences. Good luck to you.

[cupofcoffee789]

Stay strong, you know you messed up, and it's admirable that you realized that.
Go get 'em.

[unaluna]

I disagree. Deny, deny, deny. Where you put your bodyparts is nobody's business but your own. Why the need to tell your friend except to mess him up? Very hostile.

[cupofcoffee789]

Originally Posted by hankster

I disagree. Deny, deny, deny. Where you put your bodyparts is nobody's business but your own. Why the need to tell your friend except to mess him up? Very hostile.

I respect the opinion, not sure if that is the classiest approach!

[~Christina]

Your saying you can't live with the guilt ??? then you would be telling this friend something just to make yourself feel better? and he is going to feel gawd knows what... I think that is wrong.

Yes I agree you need to look at the alcohol use.

[Sjc0]

Six weeks on the road now, I'm feeling kind of spent
There's a few things I need and ones a friend
A few good games of pinball and a double whiskey sour
I'll rinse it with a beer and repeat again

You know I couldn't find you in the place you used to be
I'm a sucker for the old times, that's me
But I asked around the bar and they said you were gone for a couple of days
On a vacation in the drunk tank so they'd say

I saw that girl you used to know at the other end of the bar
I never thought she'd ever get that far
She said you two were through, it seemed you were driving for different things
I said I understood, I've wrecked that car
So now there's thirteen empty bottles, a glass or two or four
The lights came on we headed for the door
But the night was adolescent and she said she wanted more
And that's what she kept the apple blossom for
So up the stairs to her apartment with the Christmas lights that blink
It's the second week of May but that'd be okay
Except that under those blinking lights we opened a big old can of stink
And you smell it soon enough in one more day

Saturday, the twelfth of May, the policeman turns the valve
And the first drunk of the weekend dribbles out
Collect all your effects and take a cab straight to the bar
You're wondering what the whisperings all about
Well I'll tell you:

It's about the easy sheen of alcohol, of better-not-do's done
Of blinking lights and the curse of roomates' tongues
An entire bar's worth holding theirs, but it only takes just one
And then it's pass that can around, it's your turn, son
Because this pinball gane I'm playing, you know it's not the same

Times used to be you and me could always match
Yeah and the multiball came easy just like the replay game
And the wagers won and tossed hard down the hatch
So now I nailed the free game and there's a bottle across my head
My table tilts, I'm headed for the floor
Went out to find an old friend but I lost me one instead
I lost it all for just another for just another score

[thatcreepyclown]

Honesty is very important in any type of relationship including friendship, I'd say.
I can understand hankster's point of view, but if you think the guilt will keep coming back, it might be best to come clean.
The alcohol issue, which others have mentioned, should be addressed. It didn't completely lead you to take those actions, but it didn't help prevent you either, did it?
I don't think you're a terrible person and the fact that you're considering his feelings is important. Yeah, things could go badly with you and your friends if so, but it would probably be better than them finding out another way and thinking that you not only did those things, but also hid it from them.
In any light, I say good luck. Hopefully things won't be as bad as you feel they will, but we're always here if you're ever in need of any support.

[Anika.]

If your signifigant other was cheating on you with your best friend, would you like to know about it so that you could decide if that is the type of relationship you would like to continue with, so you actually have a choice? Or would you rather live by ignorance is bliss? I would rather have a friend that could be honest with me even in tough times, even if the truth might hurt, then have myself aligned with people who do not respect me, lie to me, hurt me and don't value me enough to let me decide what to do with the truth that involves my life in a very direct mannor. Taking away someone choice through lying by ommision is manipulitive. Your friend will be hurt either way...because his gf doesn't sound like she respects him either

I think you are right to tell your friend. But do it because he deserves better not just to alleviate your guilt. He can't really allievate it either, you have to work through that yourself I think.

You know..I have been through something similiar...when it all came out in the wash later and I found out by chance... not only did I feel hurt and betrayed, I felt humiliated and like a fool...the idiot to laugh at while everyone does a cover up...just a pawn in their game. I also felt robbed of the choice to decide for myself. Was that fair? Someone telling me upfront would have been less devestating than choosing to continue the sham.

This is just my opinion. But I feel it is wrong to betray a friend further. That would make that whole saying who needs enemies when you have friends like that pretty true. I don't know there will be an easy way to tell him, it's pretty heavy. But I think your are doing the right thing.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by cupofcoffee789

I respect the opinion, not sure if that is the classiest approach!

I agree, maybe the classiest ship has sailed. Now just how not to end up on Jerry Springer?

[Road2Change]

To give you all an update. I told him today. He was not happy with me, as expected. I hate hurting him, but it was time to man up. I couldn't live life as a huge lie anymore. I pray that he is okay because I hurt someone close and dear to me that didn't deserve it. I've surprisingly received a lot of support from mutual friends. They told me they were proud of me for admitting to something that isn't easy to admit to. My friend that I did this to did tell me he wished I was dead and that has kind of bothered me a bit. Even though he has every right to be upset with me it just struck a nerve.

As for the alcohol use, I want to thank you all for your input on this and maybe it really is the majority of the problem with issues in my life. So I pledge to slow down and eventually become sober.

Going forward, I really want to strive to be a better person. I want people to remember me as a good friend and person, not the guy that did this to someone he cared about and called a friend. I want to stop being so selfish and think about others before every action that could be considered questionable.

I know this won't happen overnight but I am striving to improve myself in a lot of aspects. I can't go back now, I just have to learn to accept the consequences and learn from them.

Thank you all for the advice thus far you all are amazing. Please feel free to add some more advice/feelings/reactions (positive or negative). I will keep you posted on my road to being a better person.