[albert.anthony81]

So let me explain what brought me to this forum to begin with. I shall briefly tell you my dating experience in the last year.

I had 2 "partners" both of whom I met online, after emailing many many girls. This was at different times during the year of course, not simultaneously.

Partner 1:
We went on a few coffee/drink dates, she was a huge talker, sexually aggressive, had a prior abuse history.. and literally came onto me in her car. It seemed natural that after a few dates she came to my place and we were intimate a few times. She was also very argumentative and overanalyzed everything I said and did. How did it end? She had a habit of long-winded phone chats. It was late and I needed to get up early, I nicely told her this, yet she took offense to it and the next day texted me to say I started a fight with her and that it was a big mistake. Funny thing is, a few weeks prior, when I wanted to have a chat about "going to the next level / relationship" she told me she is mistrustful and not ready for that, but loves sex though.
Then she engineers this "argument" that I had no intention of creating.. and that was downhill then.. we never went out again. I made multiple attempts to reconcile and meet halfway.. but no response to my emails.

Partner 2:
Met online and she was very lovey-dovey and affectionate. Also had a history with an alcoholic BF. She came on to me in her car on the first date.
After a few times, I convinced her to come over and she agreed. We were intimate and all a few times... then she got really weird and spacey. She complained why I don't call her every day like her prior man did.. and wanted to break things off for "communication" reasons. I was befuddled.. as I did not see the calling thing such a huge issue to me. She made it sound like it was the end of the world!! She also made a big deal about lack of post-sex conversation. To be honest, a guy's biology is such that after sex we feel very tired, for days sometimes.. and we really just want to sleep for days, not talk. Of course she took that personally as well. How it ended? Instead of actually sitting down in person like I wanted and work it out, she insisted on sending long-winded emails to say we cannot continue because "we have different communication style". I found that a petty excuse for breaking up with someone, since I was willing to sit down about it in person, not by email.
She insisted on communication, but in person she never really expressed much yet by phone & email/text she was very expressive.


So......

Do girls overanalyze more than us and how does a guy handle that??
What went wrong with these 2 partners??
What could have been done differently??
What can I do with the next partner to avoid these situations??
Why do so many girls you meet on dating sites seem to have "problems"??
If I cannot have luck on dating sites, and girls you meet offline pay
no attention to us or seem to want to do anything besides play with their
Iphone... WHAT IS A SINGLE GUY TO DO??

[A Red Panda]

"Do girls overanalyze more than us and how does a guy handle that??"

Some girls do, some girls don't. Some guys do, some guys don't. As an individual, you handle it by being honest and accepting.

"What went wrong with these 2 partners??"

You were incompatible. It sounds like the first one didn't want to be officially in a relationship and wanted to keep it to sex - which is what you've stated you wanted, but you didn't seem to want that with her. The second girl TOLD YOU what went wrong - you have incompatable communication styles.

"What could have been done differently??"

Who knows. It's the past. With the second girl you could have tried actually communicating with her - not talking after sex and then saying (to us) that guys can't handle that? Sorry, that's bull****.

"What can I do with the next partner to avoid these situations??"

Be honest and accepting.

"Why do so many girls you meet on dating sites seem to have "problems"??"

I don't think you have a right to judge. You seem to have problems too. Except that maybe more girls feel like being honest about it. And you wouldn't know what most guys are like on those sites because you wouldn't be looking at their profiles.

"If I cannot have luck on dating sites, and girls you meet offline pay
no attention to us or seem to want to do anything besides play with their
Iphone... WHAT IS A SINGLE GUY TO DO??"

Adjust your expectations. Be honest and accepting about your needs and their needs. You clearly don't actually meet them half-way and without compromise nothing will ever work.

[unaluna]

Did you send flowers the next day? After being intimate? That would have gone a long way I bet. And I really doubt you slept for days. This is the most hopeful post you have ever written! With just a few tweaks, like letting them win the arguments, you could be on your way. Remember the saying, Happy wife, happy life - comedian Steve Harvey pushes it all the time.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

"Do girls overanalyze more than us and how does a guy handle that??"

Some girls do, some girls don't. Some guys do, some guys don't. As an individual, you handle it by being honest and accepting.

"What went wrong with these 2 partners??"

You were incompatible. It sounds like the first one didn't want to be officially in a relationship and wanted to keep it to sex - which is what you've stated you wanted, but you didn't seem to want that with her. The second girl TOLD YOU what went wrong - you have incompatable communication styles.

"What could have been done differently??"

Who knows. It's the past. With the second girl you could have tried actually communicating with her - not talking after sex and then saying (to us) that guys can't handle that? Sorry, that's bull****.

"What can I do with the next partner to avoid these situations??"

Be honest and accepting.

"Why do so many girls you meet on dating sites seem to have "problems"??"

I don't think you have a right to judge. You seem to have problems too. Except that maybe more girls feel like being honest about it. And you wouldn't know what most guys are like on those sites because you wouldn't be looking at their profiles.

"If I cannot have luck on dating sites, and girls you meet offline pay
no attention to us or seem to want to do anything besides play with their
Iphone... WHAT IS A SINGLE GUY TO DO??"

Adjust your expectations. Be honest and accepting about your needs and their needs. You clearly don't actually meet them half-way and without compromise nothing will ever work.

I agree with A Red Panda's comments. I would also stress that every female and every male is an individual. Yes, there are things that both sexes tend to have in common but it's best not to assume anything until you know-especially if you are trying to be in a relationship with someone. Every person is unique, every relationship is unique. The most important keys to being connected with anyone is to be respectful and communicate and listen. It takes work to be in a successful relationship-there aren't any easy answers. Just remember not every female is the same and does the same things, not every male is the same and does the same things.

[albert.anthony81]

Compromise is vital.

In above examples when I tried to
Meet halfway I felt like they were
Just focused on their wants and the
Guys needs are just secondary...

Again like in my other posts...
This mentality that the guys desires
are irrelevant.

The guy that mentioned flowers...
well I did tell that girl by text that I
Love her. And Later on she told me
I scared her with that comment.

I got so used to the good sex that when
She pulled the plug on that...it left
Me thirsty and infatuated with her.

So I dont know how can I make
A woman happy...if at all possible!

[Poppy Princess]

These girls had abusive pasts. They're probably messed up now so that it's difficult for them to have relationships. I would look for girls with different backgrounds.

Everyone has problems…some big, some small. I think it would help you to be more communicative and less judgmental in the future. Be clear about what you want out of the relationship so you can avoid dating girls who want more than just sex.

[Anika.]

If you don't want a serious relationship then probably best to keep the "i love you" 's out it, kind of a mixed message.

Is it a need to not talk for days after sex or is it a want? I have not met men who could not talk after sex. A little sleepy sometimes sure, guess what some women are too sometimes. If you find you are sleepy for days after having sex you should see a doctor cause that doesn't sound right at all, not even in lue of a mans biology.

It doesn't sound like you were upfront or honest about what you want. You do seem to have some of your own problems as all humans do.

You don't get the type of monogomous sex relationship you want by acting like you want a full relationship. Your other thread you mention wanting the whole package. Which implies the full relationship. Then you say you don't want that or want it much later. Here you say you were going to talk to the one girl about being in a full relationship and you drop an " i love you " by text? You don't seem to want to compromise on their needs but brush them off because it's a non issue for you.

You failed to tell us exactly what needs you expressed to them that they ignored and how? Again like in your other threads you blanket statment that they all do this but fail to give any examples of this happening. I am not saying it did not happen but that you did not give any examples.

Everyone has given you good advice . To me you sound unsure about what you really truly want. You seem to want both but don't really want to put in the effort it takes. Even a fwb type situation takes clear communication and effort. You seem to come off as thinking you have no problems in this and it is always the women who is at fault. Truth is probably closer to both people involved hold some of the problems, not just all the women. You are the common denominator here.

Very well said, Anika and I especially noticed this:

Originally Posted by Anika.

..You seem to come off as thinking you have no problems in this and it is always the women who is at fault...

[Poppy Princess]

To be fair, both those girls sound kinda nuts.

[wife22]

Both were behaving needy and probably sexually aggressive to boost their confidence,they needed constant reassurance in their significance.try to establish mental/psychological connection before jumping into intimacy,once they have your psychological /friendly support they will not depend on physical attention.so you have the best of two worlds

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by albert.anthony81

I felt like they were Just focused on their wants and the
Guys needs are just secondary...
Again like in my other posts...This mentality that the guys desires are irrelevant.

I've been following your threads, and as sexist as you may come across at times, your posting screeeeeams "victim mentality".

Your posts are all centred around how women's lives fail to revolve around you and the reason for this is some brand of female punishment.

So I thought I'd clarify some things for you because I'm just nice like that

*There is more to life than a relationship.

*People have friends, responsibilities, obligations etc. so it is impossible and unhealthy to wrap your world around any 1 thing or person.

* Expecting to be the centre of someone's universe because you're dating will be met with disappointment each time. People don't suddenly lose interest in their jobs where they might be working über - hard at getting a promotion, nor do they suddenly forget their gay bestie that they've had since Kindergarten.

* A relationship is for the most part, in most cases, figuring out how to combine 2 lives, not neccessarily erasing the current one and starting from scratch.

* You state that women want things to be our way, that its all about what we want, but here you are posting and posting about what you want, but you never reference anything you have offered...

I take it a woman's needs is secondary or irrelevant then no?

Double standards much?

*No pillow talk, you want to sleep for days after having sex, but you expect sex before even learning her lastname.
~ How is that not making her needs secondary?
her need is to talk, and cultivate intimacy, you dont oblige because you want to sleep for 3 days, (must be some coma inducing orgasms you have).

~ So I think its pretty safe to say, we all as people, meet those needs of our partners that we can, when we can. And when we can't, it doesn't automatically mean our partners are irrelevant. But it may mean we're incompatable if too many needs are unmet yes.

*You want her to give you the majority of time on her schedule, even though she's known you all of 2 minutes, and when she doesn'y comply, its all about her, her using sex or lack thereof to punish you.

~ Think about it, it is said that 70% of a fulltime working persons time is spent at work. She already has ways she's been spending the other 30%, including sleeping, so if she finds 10% to dedicate to you, you should feel pretty damn awesom I say!

* The relationships you referenced, ended for reasons already made clear by both ex's and posters. You were clearly incompatable. The one lady was not out for romance and commitment, you scared her off. The other had a very different communicating style... which I wish to elaborate on...

She sent you longwinded emails regarding communication no, You responded by wanting to resolve things in person, and the relationship ended...

She was right, she was sending you longass emails because she was more comfortable with, and maybe even more able to eloquently communicate about important things in writing.

You ignored this obvious fact and your talking it out responses made it clear to her that you and her had very different communication styles and were essentially incompatable.

~ In both relationships, I sense that you were not paying attention to your gf. No, I don't mean lavish HER with attention, I mean be PRESENT, be aware of your environment, process the information available, instead of dismissing obviously relevant details...

~ The first gf, W....T....F did you 2 talk about that you did not foresee her heading for the hills? Did she express any desire to become Juliet to your Romeo... like ever? Did you 2 not talk about your expectations, aspirations, values, plans?

Because somewhere in such talks, (had you bothered to have them) people voice their needs regarding these things...

~ The second gf, she sent you longwinded emails, and TOLD you the communication was off. Instead of asking how she would prefer to communicate, or sayyyyy PAY attention to the fact that she sent lonnng emails, (big clue there, or are emails not communication) you ignore the very tool she gives you, tell her you 2 need to sit down and talk, which had her heading out too...

* When a woman shows disinterest, you really shouldn't take it as a personal attack, everything is not about you, women don't spend their days formulating plans on how to punish men.

* Rejection is NOT a form of punishment, sometimes its not even about the person being rejected.

Eg, When I was not ready to be in a relationship because I barely had escaped the previous one with my life, how was that a punishment for the man/men I said no to?

It was about me, walking around with sore ribs, a bruised ego, shattered self-respect, shame, and lots of fear... I was in no way ready or able to be someone's gf then...

I was certainly not thinking "that douche used me for a punching bag, best I reject guys for a while because they all need to be taught a lesson"... I mean come Onnnn, thats RETARDED at best!

I can go on and on and on... but I'll stop.

Basically I think you sir need to take a longass look in the mirror and figure out why you feel victimized by women, because if it can shine through this brightly in a mere 3 threads that I've read, I can only imagine what it must be like to actually date you when this is your mentality...

Me personally? I would be put off as a potential partner in 3 seconds flat.

Btw. Don't generalize, its really ignorant, you're 32,not 9.

[albert.anthony81]

Ok perhaps I should express how I would like my
Next romance to play out..

We meet and exchange info, we go on a few
low-key but affordable dates(coffee, happy hour, etc)
in spots where there is a cozy spot we can initiate
some innocent "cuddling", then at some point
within 1-3 weeks I invite her over for a movie and
She agrees...knowing that this could lead to sex,
and Both of us ready and eager for it.

We do all short of actually sleeping overnight
together. She is super easygoing about it all
And not uptight. and doesnt make a big deal
about stupid tiny non-issues.

Then we naturally start sleeping over each others
Place, and then sit down to breakfast and "agree"
To a mutually monogamous relationship,
Agreed in person not by text or email.

After 4-5 mos. We move in together and this
adds to the trust level and makes it easier to
hookup too.

So that is my only "agenda". I obviously
Am not such a bad guy after all, am I?

[Anika.]

Albert ...did you know in Japan they are having some luck with virtual girlfriends?

I say that because expecting that there be no big deals made about silly non issues... is not going to happen. What one person finds silly another person does not. Big deals you make might seem silly to them too. Life isn't a fairy tale.

You have planned out the whole thing down to when you move in together, better show her this plan upfront. She may have other ideas about her future. It's not a natural progression when you plan it all in advance. This is your... in a perfect world where I get exactly what I want plan. So be sure to leave some room for flexibility. Be sure to leave some room for their ideas, and room for humanity.

Moving in together doesn't equal more trust. It equals shared living space, split expenses etc. Trust doesn't come with a rental agreement. My bf and I do not live together and have no problems "hooking up" all the time. We also have great trust. Living together can create even bigger silly non issue problems, best to expect this to not be a perfect ride and not a guarentee of added trust.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by albert.anthony81

After 4-5 mos. We move in together and this
adds to the trust level and makes it easier to
hookup too.

So that is my only "agenda". I obviously
Am not such a bad guy after all, am I?

That sounds fast. Doesn't make you a bad guy, but that does sound fast.

Those two examples, I ask, why in their car? And sometimes, people mask an inability for true intimacy with sex.

And, yeah...saying I Love You, in a text, goes against your stated virtue, of wanting to communicate face to face. It's more meaningful stated, face to face, at least for the first time stated.

I do not feel, that all women, overanalyze things. Sounds, like you've gotten yourself, involved with those that do. Perhaps, it is a subconscious mirror, of yourself?

As far as fast, after 6 months, is when the 'honeymoon' phase, starts to lull. After that, is when you can start taking a good logical look, at the relationship.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by albert.anthony81

Ok perhaps I should express how I would like my
Next romance to play out..

We meet and exchange info, we go on a few
low-key but affordable dates(coffee, happy hour, etc)
in spots where there is a cozy spot we can initiate
some innocent "cuddling", then at some point
within 1-3 weeks I invite her over for a movie and
She agrees...knowing that this could lead to sex,
and Both of us ready and eager for it.

We do all short of actually sleeping overnight
together. She is super easygoing about it all
And not uptight. and doesnt make a big deal
about stupid tiny non-issues.

Then we naturally start sleeping over each others
Place, and then sit down to breakfast and "agree"
To a mutually monogamous relationship,
Agreed in person not by text or email.

After 4-5 mos. We move in together and this
adds to the trust level and makes it easier to
hookup too.

So that is my only "agenda". I obviously
Am not such a bad guy after all, am I?

Wow. You've certainly got rather high and unrealistic standards and dreams!

If someone doesn't know you, at all, before going on the 1st date, then do not be surprised if sex does not happen within the first 3 weeks. Most people who have much in their lives will probably only commit to about 1 date a week if they like you. So they would have met you for a few hours and you expect after a few hours that they'll be happy to have sex with you? Sure... there are people who might be like that, but it's not the majority.

And you also expect cuddling within the first few dates? In public?! So you also need to find someone who is totally comfortable with PDA.

And within those first three weeks you expect her to read your mind that you're going to have sex the first time she goes to your place?

"doesn't make a big deal out of tiny non-issues" Wow, what a way to dismiss someone. It might not be a tiny non-issue to her. If it WAS a tiny non-issue then it wouldn't get brought up because it wouldn't be an issue. Just because YOU don't consider it to be an issue doesn't mean that it should be ignored. This is that whole compromise and accepting thing that you're lacking... and you're missing a huge amount of understand and compassion.

And what makes someone uptight? That's a rather rude thing to call someone just because they don't meet your standards and expectations.

And you expect all of this sexual intimacy within such a short amount of time and yet have no talk until a while AFTER that about whether or not it's going to be monogamous/serious? While it's true that it doesn't need to be talked about right away... it's usually a topic that's proper to discuss right about the same time that you're becoming sexually active with each other. So that you know you're on the same page and stuff.

Moving in after 4-5 months of dating? You have got your hopes up there. Maybe like 30 years ago relationships might have gone that way... but not so much now. Unless things went super fantastically and you were both head over heels in love. Most people don't want to move in and commit like that unless they're pretty sure they're comitting for the long run. Which very few people are sure of after 4-5 months.

Your agenda is very unrealistic for most women these days, to be honest. Again - you should really post this whole agenda on an online dating profile so that the women will have an idea what to expect. Because it isn't going to be acceptable to many women at all which is why you would be striking out so often.... amongst all the other things that other posters have pointed out.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

- you should really post this whole agenda on an online dating profile so that the women will have an idea what to expect.

I think that is a very helpful suggestion. There's a lid for every pot.

ETa- im not being sarcastic. saying what all women will or wont like is about the same as saying all women are glued to their phones or whatever.

[~Christina]

I agree .. Dating site ... fill in every single tidbit you have shared with us.

[Sunluvr]

Hey , you are getting laid with very little effort on your behalf.
Don't be stupid. Stay on the Internet and get some more of those type women that are unusually sexually aggressive . What do you have to complain about? You were getting it regularly and can again

This, I must say hit the nail on the head.

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Wow. You've certainly got rather high and unrealistic standards and dreams!

If someone doesn't know you, at all, before going on the 1st date, then do not be surprised if sex does not happen within the first 3 weeks. Most people who have much in their lives will probably only commit to about 1 date a week if they like you. So they would have met you for a few hours and you expect after a few hours that they'll be happy to have sex with you? Sure... there are people who might be like that, but it's not the majority.

And you also expect cuddling within the first few dates? In public?! So you also need to find someone who is totally comfortable with PDA.

And within those first three weeks you expect her to read your mind that you're going to have sex the first time she goes to your place?

"doesn't make a big deal out of tiny non-issues" Wow, what a way to dismiss someone. It might not be a tiny non-issue to her. If it WAS a tiny non-issue then it wouldn't get brought up because it wouldn't be an issue. Just because YOU don't consider it to be an issue doesn't mean that it should be ignored. This is that whole compromise and accepting thing that you're lacking... and you're missing a huge amount of understand and compassion.

And what makes someone uptight? That's a rather rude thing to call someone just because they don't meet your standards and expectations.

Seems to me that he's kind of uptight about women, tbh.

And you expect all of this sexual intimacy within such a short amount of time and yet have no talk until a while AFTER that about whether or not it's going to be monogamous/serious? While it's true that it doesn't need to be talked about right away... it's usually a topic that's proper to discuss right about the same time that you're becoming sexually active with each other. So that you know you're on the same page and stuff.

Moving in after 4-5 months of dating? You have got your hopes up there. Maybe like 30 years ago relationships might have gone that way... but not so much now. Unless things went super fantastically and you were both head over heels in love. Most people don't want to move in and commit like that unless they're pretty sure they're comitting for the long run. Which very few people are sure of after 4-5 months.

Your agenda is very unrealistic for most women these days, to be honest. Again - you should really post this whole agenda on an online dating profile so that the women will have an idea what to expect. Because it isn't going to be acceptable to many women at all which is why you would be striking out so often.... amongst all the other things that other posters have pointed out.

All of it, very well said. Unrealistic for many people, not just women these days. I, quite honestly wouldn't be expecting or wanting to get sexually intimate with a female I was dating for awhile!