[timj]

I am struggling with getting over an emotional affair my wife had. That "affair" involved dozens of men and women she chatted with trying to get them to have cyber sex with her and resulted in many of them actually masterbating to each others chat or Skype. Sometimes 3X a day. I read one of her lovers chats of thousands of lines that she didn't delete so I know this is true.

She just made a comment to me that "At least it was only one time". Only one freaking time? How about dozens of times over weeks and weeks? She meant it's the only time in her life she did something like that and she has said before at least she didn't sleep with anyone.

My god, at this point, it might of been better if she had a one night stand rather than what she did and the trail she left.

Sometimes it's so painful I want to scream. Other times I feel like I am over it, hug her and talk with her and feel we can move on. God I am messed up.

[gnat]

I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through. Sadly I have no advice, just an ear and to say you're not messed up, the situation is and that is no fault of yours.

[timj]

I am not totally blameless in driving her to seek emotional comfort with others. I neglected her needs for years and feel terrible about it. I posted all of that elsewhere and tried to explain why. But I never cheated on her nor ever would.

Her minimizing what she did about drove me to tears tonight.

[kimmiemom]

I feel your pain. I swear if I hear the words 'we're just friends' one more time I'm going to freaking scream. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry that our partners feel that minimizing it makes it okay because it's really not. My situation is more complicated than yours (see "Two wrongs"), but I still understand. Be strong, stay positive, you'll be okay - you're really not messed up, just confused.

[timj]

I had a lot of problems in my past that brought baggage to our marriage (posted elsewhere) that really should of been dealt with early on. But one of my experiences cemented in my how utterly devastating it is to cheat on someone (it also had the unfortunate side-effect to make me want to remain distant so I'd never be hurt in a relationship).