How do you deal with ex contacting you?

It's been a month of no contact after his outburst. He suddenly sends a message via my best friend through facebook, because he could not contact me, (he forgot he was the one who blocked me, and he told my friend I blocked him, this is hilarious and annoying) wishing me well, and apologising for all that he has done. Also asked if there was anything he could do to make things right. My friend thought it was harmless and wouldn't hurt me in any way, so she passed the message. I just replied saying I don't know how to feel about that and that there should be no harm in accepting an apology. I felt pissed at so half-hearted an apology, using my friend as a messenger, forgetting that he blocked me, and that he could've texted me himself. But he might have deleted my number, but he didn't. Texted me a day later, wishing we could have a new start for 2014, and be all friendly and wishing me happy new year, to take care and stay safe. Just replied with thanks and a you too.

I don't know how sincere this is. But I guess I'm just asking, what am i supposed to do? Don't think too much about the messages? Why is he still contacting me? I'd like him to shut up and get lost, but it's not my nature to be so mean. But don't expect me to get all happy and friendly when he's around..

That's how we get sucked back into these roller coasters. Wanting to say one, thing, but not part of the nature of being 'mean'. Tough Love, isn't about being 'mean' however, it's about self preservation. So that you don't get walked all over. Of course, it feels like a half-hearted apology. He blatantly 'forgot' he blocked you on fb, then used someone, I need to highlight 'used' someone here, to contact you and relay the message. If you don't accept, then now you are in the position of answering your choices to your friend. See, how twisted, it's becoming?

Don't know why he's contacting, you, he needs to answer that for himself.

You may, act, in whatever way, your instincts tell you to act upon this.

Thanks so much for the post. You're right. I'm not that weak anymore. I won't be sucked back in because of self-preservation. And I don't need to know his reasons for contacting me, I'll just be polite and not initiate any contact, ( can't anyway) But there is a sentence I don't understand though: If you don't accept, then now you are in the position of answering your choices to your friend. See, how twisted, it's becoming? what exactly did you mean by that?

Bringing in a person outside of the relationship to potentially make you feel guilty for not contacting him back. Or getting someone interested enough that they keep asking you/feel as though its their right to know what's going on. Usually a tactic to make you think about him.

If you don't accept his apology, now there's another individual involved in your needing to explain all of this to. I see it as twisted, that he's trying to get to you, through the 'using' of others, as a pawn in his game at control or whatever it may be...

Do nothing. This sounds like control to me. He's wanting to keep you in his web. I'd say nothing in return and be done with it.

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I'm not really asking for what should I do...today the first time since New Year's, my ex sent me three texts: basically...very long texts, saying apologies for all that he's done, thanks for the memories, i hope you find someone who treats you better than I did, greetings for the new year, he says that i should be doing fine, and he's doing horrible and having depression (as if he wants me to feel sorry for him), and he's saying i should stay safe and live my life well, his future relationships will all be kaput and he deserves it...good bye. last time you'll be hearing anything from me.

And suddenly a fourth text telling me to not bother replying and that I should know, that's all good bye.

why bother sending me all these texts on a monthly basis for about two months now?

My friend had listened to me and told me to pray. I was praying. I'm getting involved in church more, so I tried. Spiritually, I know it was wrong to ignore these texts for someone is in pain. Physically, now I know from experience, don't let someone like this emotionally manipulate you, don't tell him too much about what's going on, don't have interest in his life, just be nice, this is someone in trouble and you're just being nice, don't let yourself be dragged into this mess.

So I sent him text asking should we talk, in a kind tone.

I'm just updating this for anyone who's following this thread. I hope it will be useful to you. Thank you all for those who supported me in times of need and grief. Maybe, I can finally stand on my own now.

Maybe he won't reply. Maybe he'll be mean. But that's okay. It's none of my business. I don't hate nor like him. I hope it has been a valuable life lesson to myself and to my ex. And I hope we both find happiness. Sorry if it sounds cliched.