wife problems

What can I do with my wife? She doesn't like it that I work on music so much and that I'm at the computer so much. I'm mostly retired but me and the guys are trying to get a band going. As for the computer there is so much good knowledge and fun to be had there. I don't have a paramore or am I a porn nut. It's often that I can't be comfortable at home around her. It's pretty bad right now. She has bi monthly episodes that last for a few days when she won't talk hardly at all. I can't do the things I want to do. She says I don't pay enough attention to her. That's probably true to a degree but I try to converse often enough to satisfy her. She wants me to go out for coffee everyday with my retired friends. 'No thank you'! But I do occasionally. It's like she doesnt want me doing the web surfing or music and would rather I mindlessly sit and talk with friends. She works very hard at the hospital kitchen many hours a week. Comes home and lies on the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond in her free time. Yet I can't read on the computer or work on music. I'm very considerate of her with the noise. She likes to mix a couple scotch's with an Ambien fairly often. Outer Space! I'm too old and don't have the money to leave.

It's probably kind of frustrating for her to be having to work all day, while you're just sitting at home in front of the computer. Besides, a band playing live music in the house is a little noisier than the T.V. going.

I would imaing she is feeling neglected .. You all great about what you want but your just "converse with her enough to satisfy " her ...

I would say you should looking into marriage counseling . Pronto .

Unless your only staying because you dont have enough money to leave

Good luck I hope you both can find some happiness , life is too short.,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but a marriage between a musician and a non-musician almost never works because they don't understand that you have to spend time on the computer writing music, or rehearsing, practicing etc. I guess the only thing you could do is ask what compromise you can make that will make her happy as she doesn't seem to be completely clear on what exactly she wants from you, but my guess is that she's jealous of the time you spend on music.

My husband gets really annoyed when I'm on the computer. especially any type of social activity. He claims it's because I say I don't have enough time to do other things, such as clean, but he doesn't care about me spending an hour in front of the t.v. but 15 minutes on Facebook or sending emails annoys him.

I have considered perhaps he feels left out, but if I offer to stop and spend time with him he just wants to watch t.v. I find the incredibly annoying an tend to keep the majority of my internet activities to times when he isn't around.

I have no advice, but do understand the frustration.

Would she be at these daily coffee's?
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[quote=gnat;3430216]My husband gets really annoyed when I'm on the computer. especially any type of social activity. He claims it's because I say I don't have enough time to do other things, such as clean, but he doesn't care about me spending an hour in front of the t.v. but 15 minutes on Facebook or sending emails annoys him.

Yeah we both have the same problem. I'd say he's afraid of you having an online paramore. I know my wife feels that way. I've never cheated on her so I invite her to come look at what I'm doing.

It sounds like there's more going on than her just not wanting you to do the things you enjoy. People don't typically mix alcohol and Ambien. Ambien should really be a last-resort sleep aid anyway. Talk about the Devil's Aspirin.

It really sounds like you both need couples counseling, but maybe more importantly, it sounds like she may need more/better counseling herself. The mixing Ambien with alcohol really concerns me and sounds like depression or something worse is shutting her down badly.

"wife problems"..... Is that a redundant statement?

I guess so! I hate redundancy,especially repeating myself over and over in different ways! Like deja vu all over again.

By the way you state your question and problem, it seems to me you're missing it. Your focus here is purely on you and she seems to be an inconvenience and you're only doing what you do for her to appease her. From what I see here, your music and your needs are indeed set at a higher priority than hers.

I am sure this is going to come off as judgemental but the truth is I see you needing to have a shift in your thinking. Are you together with your wife because it's easier or because you want to be? Something to ponder. When a man (or woman) loves and cares very deeply for the other they tend to do things out of desire to not out of self preservation and "keeping the other at bay" kind of thing, which is what it sounds like you're doing here.

Try for awhile to think about how she perceives things, and try to see from her eyes. You've already all but admitted that you spend more time away from her (on the computer).

Even sitting with her to enjoy tv shows together would help or include her in your music creation if that's possible... Focus on her, my friend and she will GIVE YOU more time to do what you want anyway!