[wigginout]

My boyfriend, for 17 months, and I moved in together in January of this year. He has 2 teenage daughters, 16 & 19, that live with us every other week and a son, 21, that lives in one of his rent houses. Which by the way pays no bills, but he does however work so that’s a plus. I have 2 sons, 20 & 24 that currently live in one of my rent houses and they DO pay rent and utilities. I help them both out from time to time, needed, with cell phones and such. My boyfriend seems to hate my oldest son for some reason or another. Says he’s worthless and a piece of crap. Didn’t even know he felt this way until this past weekend. So here’s my story:
My son and his girlfriend got into an argument at our house. My boyfriend and I came outside to see what was going on and my boyfriend sided with my sons girlfriend telling my son to leave. Mind you, he rode there in the car with his girlfriend so did not have a way back home except for foot. Nonetheless, my son told his girlfriend that he wasn’t walking and that she needed to take him home. She said no then they started arguing again. My boyfriend stepped in front of my son and pushed him to the ground. A few choice words were spoken and then my boyfriend literally took him to the ground and started choking him. My son never once hit him or put his hands on him not even when they were on the ground. My boyfriend finally let him up and then did it again, out of a fit of rage I’m assuming. Bottom line is now my boyfriend says my son can never return to the house. I am torn between loving him, cause he does treat me like a queen, and not alienating my son from my OWN HOUSE. I don’t own the house so there’s not much I can do I presume. The holidays are not upon us and I will have to be without my boyfriend and go and be with my 2 sons instead as I am NOT going to make them spend it by themselves for no reason. Oh, and by the way, their father is not in the picture and we have no family here so I’m the only family they have. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I told my boyfriend that I was going to move out because I cannot live with my son not being able to come to my house; especially for the holidays. I don’t want this to happen but not sure what else to do. I’m confused and at my wits end. Please help!

[jadzea]

Are you sure you want to live with someone that violent? Your BF assaulted your son and your son can charge him. Whatever your son and his GF were arguing about it was not your BF's business. He overreacted and was totally inappropriate. I'd be asking myself how long it will be before he takes his anger out on me.

Originally Posted by wigginout

My boyfriend, for 17 months, and I moved in together in January of this year. He has 2 teenage daughters, 16 & 19, that live with us every other week and a son, 21, that lives in one of his rent houses. Which by the way pays no bills, but he does however work so that’s a plus. I have 2 sons, 20 & 24 that currently live in one of my rent houses and they DO pay rent and utilities. I help them both out from time to time, needed, with cell phones and such. My boyfriend seems to hate my oldest son for some reason or another. Says he’s worthless and a piece of crap. Didn’t even know he felt this way until this past weekend. So here’s my story:
My son and his girlfriend got into an argument at our house. My boyfriend and I came outside to see what was going on and my boyfriend sided with my sons girlfriend telling my son to leave. Mind you, he rode there in the car with his girlfriend so did not have a way back home except for foot. Nonetheless, my son told his girlfriend that he wasn’t walking and that she needed to take him home. She said no then they started arguing again. My boyfriend stepped in front of my son and pushed him to the ground. A few choice words were spoken and then my boyfriend literally took him to the ground and started choking him. My son never once hit him or put his hands on him not even when they were on the ground. My boyfriend finally let him up and then did it again, out of a fit of rage I’m assuming. Bottom line is now my boyfriend says my son can never return to the house. I am torn between loving him, cause he does treat me like a queen, and not alienating my son from my OWN HOUSE. I don’t own the house so there’s not much I can do I presume. The holidays are not upon us and I will have to be without my boyfriend and go and be with my 2 sons instead as I am NOT going to make them spend it by themselves for no reason. Oh, and by the way, their father is not in the picture and we have no family here so I’m the only family they have. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I told my boyfriend that I was going to move out because I cannot live with my son not being able to come to my house; especially for the holidays. I don’t want this to happen but not sure what else to do. I’m confused and at my wits end. Please help!

First of all, you did the right thing to move out and you're completely right to expect that your son can come to visit and he should not be afraid of your bf.

Your BF is 100% out of line. First, it wasn't his business to be involved in the first place, it sounds like a heated argument not a scuffle of some sort. I dont' hear any physical thing happening to your son's gf at this point. The only one that got physical and violent is your bf and not only was it none of his business, it was way over the top reaction.

Your son had every right to ask his girlfriend to take him home. That's reasonable. She can say no, but that's between those two not anyone else. I doubt your son was raising a hand to her or you would have mentioned it.

Your boyfriend is a bully. he needs to be gone. He's the worthless piece of trash if ask me.

Originally Posted by jadzea

Are you sure you want to live with someone that violent? Your BF assaulted your son and your son can charge him. Whatever your son and his GF were arguing about it was not your BF's business. He overreacted and was totally inappropriate. I'd be asking myself how long it will be before he takes his anger out on me.

her son should charge him, it was not self defense, and it doesn't sound like her son was endangering anyone so there was nothing to warrant such an attack. Choking is nothing but violence, it doesn't fit into any kind of reasonable act of defense at all. It's just dominating, controlling actions.

[hannabee]

I'm in agreement with the others, sounds like your bf stuck his nose in where it didn't belong. I'm so paranoid, I'd be asking myself why?? does my bf have the hots for the girlfriend? I don't we think we agree on what being treated like a queen is, either. I think your first alliance is to your children and NOT this guy.

Originally Posted by hannabee

I'm in agreement with the others, sounds like your bf stuck his nose in where it didn't belong. I'm so paranoid, I'd be asking myself why?? does my bf have the hots for the girlfriend? I don't we think we agree on what being treated like a queen is, either. I think your first alliance is to your children and NOT this guy.

Actually I wondered this myself. Why is he so protective of the kid's gf? It totally comes off as if he's trying to be a "white knight" in front of her or the ladies, albeit in his warped way.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Actually I wondered this myself. Why is he so protective of the kid's gf? It totally comes off as if he's trying to be a "white knight" in front of her or the ladies, albeit in his warped way.

Actually to me it seems he was looking for an excuse to get his hands on the son. The gf gave him an opportunity...

Any person who expects you to choose between them and your children, who physically ASSAULTS your children, are NOT worth your time. no matter how nice you seem to think they treat you.

Lose this loser. Seriously

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Actually to me it seems he was looking for an excuse to get his hands on the son. The gf gave him an opportunity...

Any person who expects you to choose between them and your children, who physically ASSAULTS your children, are NOT worth your time. no matter how nice you seem to think they treat you.

We can only guess at that but your thought is just as likely

Lose this loser. Seriously

This. totally.

[MollyGroove]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Any person who expects you to choose between them and your children, who physically ASSAULTS your children, are NOT worth your time. no matter how nice you seem to think they treat you.

Lose this loser. Seriously

Exactly what I was thinking....

[Yoda]

I agree with above posters - your BF is exhibiting inappropriate behaviors and sounds mean. It if your choice but if I had to choose between BF and my son I would choose son.

[healingme4me]

I am sorry, you are struggling right now. Your bf, 'choked' your son. Didn't just push, didn't just punch, he 'choked' him. (not that pushing and punching, are appropriate, but to me, it bordered on attempted murder)

To be, treated like a queen, involves showing respect to your princes. And, NOT putting you in such a predicament.

[traysea101]

I will give my honest opinion as I have not honestly read all of the other replies, I did read up to the one that said, "You did the right thing by moving out" ???

Did they not read? Anywho...

Any man who puts their hands on your SON, is NOT A MAN.
I'm sure he treats you like a queen, or so you say. But if that's the case, he's a fraud!

A man who treats you like a queen, will treat you with respect. Putting his hands on your son is NOT respect. He apparently had some built up rage against your son, and who knows if he will do this to your other son, you, or anyone else. Us woman make up all these wonderful excuses because we don't want to be alone.

Well, being alone is a hell of a lot better than being abused.

It would be a cold day in hell before I chose another man over my own child. Can you imagine how your son will feel?? That is a major betrayal and you will be setting a very bad example to your children.

Please be strong, stand up for yourself and your children. There's something more to this picture than meets the eye. This guy needs to go. I understand he treats you in a way that you beleive is acceptable, but really? Even you said so yourself that his own son does not pay his own bills, etc. Would you see yourself hitting his children, and what would he do?

Be smart, and don't stay with someone like that, that makes you look weak and will wreak havoc on your self esteem in the long run, not to mention your sons.

Best of Luck

Originally Posted by traysea101

I will give my honest opinion as I have not honestly read all of the other replies, I did read up to the one that said, "You did the right thing by moving out" ???

Did they not read? Anywho...

Any man who puts their hands on your SON, is NOT A MAN.
I'm sure he treats you like a queen, or so you say. But if that's the case, he's a fraud!

A man who treats you like a queen, will treat you with respect. Putting his hands on your son is NOT respect. He apparently had some built up rage against your son, and who knows if he will do this to your other son, you, or anyone else. Us woman make up all these wonderful excuses because we don't want to be alone.

Well, being alone is a hell of a lot better than being abused.

It would be a cold day in hell before I chose another man over my own child. Can you imagine how your son will feel?? That is a major betrayal and you will be setting a very bad example to your children.

Please be strong, stand up for yourself and your children. There's something more to this picture than meets the eye. This guy needs to go. I understand he treats you in a way that you beleive is acceptable, but really? Even you said so yourself that his own son does not pay his own bills, etc. Would you see yourself hitting his children, and what would he do?

Be smart, and don't stay with someone like that, that makes you look weak and will wreak havoc on your self esteem in the long run, not to mention your sons.

Best of Luck

With regards to your comment on my post "did they not read?" I read every post that I reply to. Every word. I am not sure what your comment is saying but I'll guess that you assume that I didn't read it because I worded it "... by moving out... " rather than "you're right to tell him you're moving out." But meh. Careful about snap judgements of other people's replies.

[nycgal448]

I am w everybody else. No one should ever lay a hand on ur child

[Koko2]

Your boyfriend is a douchebag, and his laying hands on your son was totally inappropriate.

[Ash89]

No. Just no.

He has no reason to dislike your son unless he is insecure and views him as threat and wants you all to himself. In which case he has some issues that he would really need to sort through before you and your son could ever have a healthy relationship with him.

[Wham6429]

I'm really sad reading this... Why would you even ask whom to choose?! :-( Does your son mean that little to you? Com'on you've only been with this fool for a year and a half... and he doesn't even sound like a winner... I vote get out now, cuz it's only gonna get worse!

I'm sorry if this is harsh but my father made the wrong choice... I hope you are brave enough to make the right one.