Why Am I This Way? Help Please.

I want a relationship...but every time I am in one I feel caged. I feel like I will never be good enough. I end up pushing them away. I continually doubt myself, which causes me to act stupid and then UGH. I just never feel right in relationships. Things usually start fine, then I just snap. Every time! I start getting upset at them for no reason, we fight all the time. I get OVERLY clingy. It's just crazy!! Why is this? Are these things related to my disorders? Or is this something else?

is symptom of bpd... we need to be reassured way too many times that we are loved caz we are too insecure... and when we feel that other person doesnt do that we think they dont like us at all so we get pissed and they eventually leave... more or so like this

Persons with bpd present instability in their perceptions of themselves and have difficulty maintaining stable relationships. Moods may also be inconsistent but never neutral. Their sense of reality is always seen in "black and white".

Does that sound familiar?

Were you raised in a single parent family, or your parents were divorced when you were very young. Childhood abuse may contribute to yr behavioral trait as well.

T-T oh how I don't want to be BPD....but I know I am...

Yes these things could be related to BPD. Sounds like you need to work on your confidence. I see your 20 and personally, I remember that being a chaotic time for me. I am now 32 and I can say I am better than what I was when I was 20 so maybe you will find your confidence will grow with time.

I have BPD also and although things are better than what they were at 20 (confidence) I still struggle. But if things carry on the way they have, I hope my confidence will keep growing. There is hope.

If you're not already in therapy, I would recommend you enter it. It has helped me LOADS over the years and maybe it can help you too.

I believe before we are truly able to love someone else and be happy within a relationship, we must learn to love ourselves first.

All the best

Sounds kinda BPDish to me too (yes I have it too).

And how weird is it that I simply read that you are clingy and it make me WISH that I had someone like that....

I've NEVER met even ONE person who doesn't think I'm too clingy :C

I don't have insurance to get into therapy.... /:

Now you have.

haha, until you'd get to know me!

*** taps his toe...

Waiting.......

I have the relationship issue. I don't get clingy though, I get irritable. Once I have them then I push them away and try and make them hate me so they'll leave me. It's cyclical. I do it every. single. time. my relationships get serious. So upsetting.

OMG ME TOO. But I push them away WHILE being clingy .-. So they have no idea what to do :C I'll be distant and then start yelling how I feel like they don't act like they care anymore....wow I'm crazy...

I understand. Im engaged right now.
I never know how I'm going to feel.
I want, then I don't. I just want to cry.

I hate myself like this.

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy

try NAMI, they might be able to help you. Are you in the USA?

I checked the site, all of them are too far from me :C But thank you for the link. I might try and find someway to get there.

I was engaged once, to the most important person in the whole world. But after 3 years of my constant push-pull and irritability he finally couldn't take it. HE won't even be in the same room as me now :C