[lightinthesky]

I thought I would make a "don't list" for my future relationship as a guide for things I think I shouldn't do after my experience with a man. What do you think?
Don't let him to take care of you when you are sick.
Don't run to him every time someone make you upset. ( next time you are in trouble you will find it hard to deal with it on your own).
Don't cry in front of him.
Don't dream about your future together. (It might not be there for you).
Don't tell him that without him living won't make any sense.
Don't make him a center of your world.
Don't separate from your friends.
Don't forget who you are on your own.
Don't get attached to his family.
Don't let him too close, keep the distance.
Don't get too many "reminders".
Don't believe everything he say.
Don't let yourself depend on him.
Don't cheat.
Don't use his perfume when he is away.
Don't wear his clothes.
Don't put your arm on his heart while he is asleep.
Don't get a pet together.
Don't move in together.
Don't put your hopes up.
Don't forgive more than once.
Don't try and fix a drug addict.
Don't let him to have unlimited power over you.
Don't think of him as your partner, future father of your kids.
Don't care about him more than you care about yourself.
Don't say you love until you are sure he loves you.
Don't love more than he does.

What do you think?
Do you have your own list?

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[danvb]

Wow! That's quite a list! But, I dunno... This is just me, but, I would think there really only needs to be one main item on the list. I mean, I would think that most of those things, with a few exceptions, are the very things you DO do.

But the ONE "Don't" that I didn't see, the one that SHOULD be there, in my terribly biased opinion, is:

Try not to give your heart to someone who doesn't cherish it.

But then, I could certainly be wrong about that!

Dan

[Silent Void]

Don't trust him.
Don't say "I love you" until he does.

Don't expect him to put in any effort.
Don't expect him to stay interested in you for more than a few weeks (or a few days…or hours).
Don't say "I love you", don't even say "I like you" as that makes them mad or annoyed or something.
Don't expect him to understand that your need of physical space doesn't mean you're not attracted to him.
Don't ever mention anything that may ever be taken in the least bit negative about yourself.
Don't expect him to not hurt your feelings and actually realize it.
Don't expect him to understand why/how he hurt your feelings.
Don't tell him your week was anything but good, even if it was horrible.
Don't expect him to try very hard for you, you'll be doing all the work.
Don't think you have any right indicating your facial hair preference.
Don't expect him to care about you as much as him.
Don't actually think he would ever actually date you, be in a relationship with you, and DEFINITELY don't think he'd ever want to sleep with you, especially if they know they'd have to wait. Hell, don't even think he'd want to ever kiss you or even hold your hand.
Don't think he'd actually tell you he's not interested—he'll just stop talking to you and hope you get the hint.
Don't think him enjoying the first date and agreeing to a second actually means he wants to go on another date. Or that him saying he'd date you is true.
Don't automatically believe anything. Everything is a lie until proven true.
Don't let him get to know the real you.
Don't discuss any problems you may be having…everything must be 100% positive at all times.
Don't automatically assume that he isn't using you to get back at his real girlfriend.

I do agree with a lot of yours though as well. These are just the ones that apply more personally to me.

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Don't expect him to put in any effort.
Don't expect him to stay interested in you for more than a few weeks (or a few days…or hours).
Don't say "I love you", don't even say "I like you" as that makes them mad or annoyed or something.
Don't expect him to understand that your need of physical space doesn't mean you're not attracted to him.
Don't ever mention anything that may ever be taken in the least bit negative about yourself.
Don't expect him to not hurt your feelings and actually realize it.
Don't expect him to understand why/how he hurt your feelings.
Don't tell him your week was anything but good, even if it was horrible.
Don't expect him to try very hard for you, you'll be doing all the work.
Don't think you have any right indicating your facial hair preference.
Don't expect him to care about you as much as him.
Don't actually think he would ever actually date you, be in a relationship with you, and DEFINITELY don't think he'd ever want to sleep with you, especially if they know they'd have to wait. Hell, don't even think he'd want to ever kiss you or even hold your hand.
Don't think he'd actually tell you he's not interested—he'll just stop talking to you and hope you get the hint.
Don't think him enjoying the first date and agreeing to a second actually means he wants to go on another date. Or that him saying he'd date you is true.
Don't automatically believe anything. Everything is a lie until proven true.
Don't let him get to know the real you.
Don't discuss any problems you may be having…everything must be 100% positive at all times.
Don't automatically assume that he isn't using you to get back at his real girlfriend.

I do agree with a lot of yours though as well. These are just the ones that apply more personally to me.

That's good, I want to know what list of things we wouldn't do again after our bad experiences. Thank you

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I'm glad that was helpful. I think it was helpful for me to put into words. The really ironic thing is that I've never even been in a relationship yet. I'd love to see my list after I've been in a relationship.

It would probably go something like this:
Don't have feelings about anything or at least don't share them.
Don't have your own values and original thoughts…those are for the man to decide now.
Don't work outside the home; stay home and have kids (not like I have anything against stay-at-home moms, I just don't see it fitting my personality. But alas, if that's what the man wants…)
Basically summed up like this:
Don't expect your relationship to be any different than your mom's and dad's relationship.

[Buddy17]

Really it was helpful. if i followed your "don't list" before 2 years, now i will be okay. but i was cheated by my bf. you are right everyone should learned lesson only after they did all this.. it was so meaning. even i too felt that. now my bf not showing his care towards me

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by danvb

Wow! That's quite a list! But, I dunno... This is just me, but, I would think there really only needs to be one main item on the list. I mean, I would think that most of those things, with a few exceptions, are the very things you DO do.

But the ONE "Don't" that I didn't see, the one that SHOULD be there, in my terribly biased opinion, is:

Try not to give your heart to someone who doesn't cherish it.

But then, I could certainly be wrong about that!

Dan

You never know if they do or if they don't, I believed that the person I loved did cherish my love but what he said to that was "i am probably a good actor".

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[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by Buddy17

Really it was helpful. if i followed your "don't list" before 2 years, now i will be okay. but i was cheated by my bf. you are right everyone should learned lesson only after they did all this.. it was so meaning. even i too felt that. now my bf not showing his care towards me

It's a good thing to listen to people who went through something like that, maybe you will be able to not repeat our mistakes.

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[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

It's a good thing to listen to people who went through something like that, maybe you will be able to not repeat our mistakes.

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Yes sure . after i got hurted by my bf, my memories keep circulating in my mind as you mentioned in "Don't list". each and everything i did for/in my love. now i am feeling for those stupid days . It doesn't make any sense to boys anymore..right??? women only having those kind of feelings finally womens get depressed by those memories.. stupid sentiments gets frustrated...

[Citrine]

This is a great post! I agree with all of the above and Id add:

Dont sleep with them until you are married and signed into all legal documentation entitling you to at least half of their estate. Money and xxx are the only language in their world.

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

I thought I would make a "don't list" for my future relationship as a guide for things I think I shouldn't do after my experience with a man. What do you think?
Don't let him to take care of you when you are sick.
Don't run to him every time someone make you upset. ( next time you are in trouble you will find it hard to deal with it on your own).
Don't cry in front of him.
Don't dream about your future together. (It might not be there for you).
Don't tell him that without him living won't make any sense.
Don't make him a center of your world.
Don't separate from your friends.
Don't forget who you are on your own.
Don't get attached to his family.
Don't let him too close, keep the distance.
Don't get too many "reminders".
Don't believe everything he say.
Don't let yourself depend on him.
Don't cheat.
Don't use his perfume when he is away.
Don't wear his clothes.
Don't put your arm on his heart while he is asleep.
Don't get a pet together.
Don't move in together.
Don't put your hopes up.
Don't forgive more than once.
Don't try and fix a drug addict.
Don't let him to have unlimited power over you.
Don't think of him as your partner, future father of your kids.
Don't care about him more than you care about yourself.
Don't say you love until you are sure he loves you.
Don't love more than he does.

What do you think?
Do you have your own list?

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

Honestly this sounds like a very bitter list. I mean IMO you should never NOT do anything that your heart leads you to do if you are in love with someone but... that being said, don't do it hastily before you're sure you have something solid. I wouldn't say DON'T to any of that stuff but I would say ease into it.. which is what we all should do.

Related to my recent mini heartbreak (mini because I was starting to obsess but never completely consumed, thank god) I could easily say some similar things but I choose to instead "guard" my heart, but not close it.

I hope that you understand I'm saying don't give up, just be more careful and a bit more conservative, at first.

Live and love with passion hun. Don't hold back. If you hide yourself or harden your heart, you'll miss the good ones. Plus nothing worth having is without sacrifice and risk. Love, for me, is worth all the risk, even after all the times I've been broken and thrown out of the proverbial moving car.

Hope this helps.
S4

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Honestly this sounds like a very bitter list. I mean IMO you should never NOT do anything that your heart leads you to do if you are in love with someone but... that being said, don't do it hastily before you're sure you have something solid. I wouldn't say DON'T to any of that stuff but I would say ease into it.. which is what we all should do.

Related to my recent mini heartbreak (mini because I was starting to obsess but never completely consumed, thank god) I could easily say some similar things but I choose to instead "guard" my heart, but not close it.

I hope that you understand I'm saying don't give up, just be more careful and a bit more conservative, at first.

Live and love with passion hun. Don't hold back. If you hide yourself or harden your heart, you'll miss the good ones. Plus nothing worth having is without sacrifice and risk. Love, for me, is worth all the risk, even after all the times I've been broken and thrown out of the proverbial moving car.

Hope this helps.
S4

It sure does help, thank you.

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Originally Posted by lightinthesky

It sure does help, thank you.

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You're very welcome.

[healingme4me]

I stopped having 'don't lists' years ago.

I follow more along the lines of 'needs lists'.
Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Adoration, Adventure, Affection, Appreciation, Availability, Belief, Camaraderie, Care, Certainty, Challenge(to feel challenged to grow and evolve), Cherished, Closeness, Comfort, Competence, Compromise, Commitment, Consistency, Contentment, Cooperation, Dependability, Desire, Devotion, Discovery, Emotional Safety and Security, Encouragement, Esteem, Excitement, Exploration, Familiarity, Fidelity, Flexibility, Freedom(to be yourself and experiment with new ways of being), Harmony, Honesty, Individuality, Influence(to emotionally impact your partner), Intellectuality, Intimacy(deep emotional connection), Love(to give and receive Love), Mutuality, Negotiation, Novelty, Nurturance, Openness(continual openness to each others' uniqueness/individuality), Peacefulness, Passion, Playfulness, Predictability, Presence(to feel that your partner is emotionally present), Reassurance, Recognition, Reliability, Respect, Sacrifice, Safety/Security(emotional, financial, physical), Sensitivity, Sensuousness, Sex, Shared/Mutual Interests, Socialization, Spirituality(spiritual sharing/connection), Spontaneity, Stability, Support, Teamwork, Touch, Trust(to trust and be trusted), Understand(to understand and to feel understood), Vitality(need to feel profoundly alive through emotional connection), Valued(feel important/like you matter), Vastness(to experience a mutual connection with something greater than yourselves).

I have to add.. I think you should look at your list from a DO list. Shift your thinking and come up with the opposite..

Like "don't make him the center of your world" Instead do this: "be yourself, and be independent, in spite of how much you love him, hand onto your individuality and make your identity and goals in life independent of what he is. As a loveing partner you should accomodate the other not change them. With a good partner, you will be allowed to be your own person.

I'll be honest I almost responded to every single one like this but the truth is no one wants to read my novel at least I don't think so. Plus. Because. LAZY.

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I have to add.. I think you should look at your list from a DO list. Shift your thinking and come up with the opposite..

Like "don't make him the center of your world" Instead do this: "be yourself, and be independent, in spite of how much you love him, hand onto your individuality and make your identity and goals in life independent of what he is. As a loveing partner you should accomodate the other not change them. With a good partner, you will be allowed to be your own person.

I'll be honest I almost responded to every single one like this but the truth is no one wants to read my novel at least I don't think so. Plus. Because. LAZY.

I only want to protect myself.

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Originally Posted by lightinthesky

I only want to protect myself.

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I feel the same way.

Not trying to be rude or start a fight, but in response to S4's last post and to Healing's post, but I don't feel like thinking positive and having a large list of needs is something reasonable to expect outside of dreams.

Hell, if I had a need's list, I feel like all I could ask for is:
Please don't hurt me.
At least pretend to listen to what I say and bonus points for actually listening to what I say. Extra super bonus points for actually thinking anything I say matters. Or just pretend and I'll imagine you care.
Don't make me feel stupid and/or inadequate at what I do. Or at least not on purpose. I'm sure you'll do it by accident but I'll just get over it.
Please don't call me names.
Don't guilt me into doing something I don't want to do.

I don't think that's asking too much. I hope not anyway.

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

I only want to protect myself.

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I understand. I'm just trying to help.

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I feel the same way.

Not trying to be rude or start a fight, but in response to S4's last post and to Healing's post, but I don't feel like thinking positive and having a large list of needs is something reasonable to expect outside of dreams.

Hell, if I had a need's list, I feel like all I could ask for is:
Please don't hurt me.
At least pretend to listen to what I say and bonus points for actually listening to what I say. Extra super bonus points for actually thinking anything I say matters. Or just pretend and I'll imagine you care.
Don't make me feel stupid and/or inadequate at what I do. Or at least not on purpose. I'm sure you'll do it by accident but I'll just get over it.
Please don't call me names.
Don't guilt me into doing something I don't want to do.

I don't think that's asking too much. I hope not anyway.

I know what you're saying and I know that thinking positive is not always easy or even the end all that fixes everything. I hate peopel that think that all you have to do is think positive. But on the flipside, it does help to do so.. it has an effect at the very least on our perspective. it doesn't change the problem, I know. And sometimes it's nearly impossible to even do it but it does help to do some positive thinking

[brokenhrt52]

Very good and on point!

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[brokenhrt52]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I stopped having 'don't lists' years ago.

I follow more along the lines of 'needs lists'.
Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Adoration, Adventure, Affection, Appreciation, Availability, Belief, Camaraderie, Care, Certainty, Challenge(to feel challenged to grow and evolve), Cherished, Closeness, Comfort, Competence, Compromise, Commitment, Consistency, Contentment, Cooperation, Dependability, Desire, Devotion, Discovery, Emotional Safety and Security, Encouragement, Esteem, Excitement, Exploration, Familiarity, Fidelity, Flexibility, Freedom(to be yourself and experiment with new ways of being), Harmony, Honesty, Individuality, Influence(to emotionally impact your partner), Intellectuality, Intimacy(deep emotional connection), Love(to give and receive Love), Mutuality, Negotiation, Novelty, Nurturance, Openness(continual openness to each others' uniqueness/individuality), Peacefulness, Passion, Playfulness, Predictability, Presence(to feel that your partner is emotionally present), Reassurance, Recognition, Reliability, Respect, Sacrifice, Safety/Security(emotional, financial, physical), Sensitivity, Sensuousness, Sex, Shared/Mutual Interests, Socialization, Spirituality(spiritual sharing/connection), Spontaneity, Stability, Support, Teamwork, Touch, Trust(to trust and be trusted), Understand(to understand and to feel understood), Vitality(need to feel profoundly alive through emotional connection), Valued(feel important/like you matter), Vastness(to experience a mutual connection with something greater than yourselves).

Love this♡♡♥♥♥

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[brokenhrt52]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I feel the same way.

Not trying to be rude or start a fight, but in response to S4's last post and to Healing's post, but I don't feel like thinking positive and having a large list of needs is something reasonable to expect outside of dreams.

Hell, if I had a need's list, I feel like all I could ask for is:
Please don't hurt me.
At least pretend to listen to what I say and bonus points for actually listening to what I say. Extra super bonus points for actually thinking anything I say matters. Or just pretend and I'll imagine you care.
Don't make me feel stupid and/or inadequate at what I do. Or at least not on purpose. I'm sure you'll do it by accident but I'll just get over it.
Please don't call me names.
Don't guilt me into doing something I don't want to do.

I don't think that's asking too much. I hope not anyway.

Lol..
Can see what you mean...


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[brokenhrt52]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

I thought I would make a "don't list" for my future relationship as a guide for things I think I shouldn't do after my experience with a man. What do you think?
Don't let him to take care of you when you are sick.
Don't run to him every time someone make you upset. ( next time you are in trouble you will find it hard to deal with it on your own).
Don't cry in front of him.
Don't dream about your future together. (It might not be there for you).
Don't tell him that without him living won't make any sense.
Don't make him a center of your world.
Don't separate from your friends.
Don't forget who you are on your own.
Don't get attached to his family.
Don't let him too close, keep the distance.
Don't get too many "reminders".
Don't believe everything he say.
Don't let yourself depend on him.
Don't cheat.
Don't use his perfume when he is away.
Don't wear his clothes.
Don't put your arm on his heart while he is asleep.
Don't get a pet together.
Don't move in together.
Don't put your hopes up.
Don't forgive more than once.
Don't try and fix a drug addict.
Don't let him to have unlimited power over you.
Don't think of him as your partner, future father of your kids.
Don't care about him more than you care about yourself.
Don't say you love until you are sure he loves you.
Don't love more than he does.

What do you think?
Do you have your own list?

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Lightinthesky - Don't dream about your future together.

Danyb - Try not to give your heart to someone who doesn't cherish it.

I.Am.The.End. - Don't automatically believe anything. Everything is a lie until proven true. Don't let him get to know the real you.

This was a great read, all so true. My favorite lines above. Even though I should know better, after several failed relationships, I am still like jello in the hands of someone I'm emotionally attracted to. If I could implement just half of what you've written, I'd be doing good. I must keep repeating "don't believe a word he says". It's hard when you want to believe so much.