I feel like people are too nice at times. Don't understand why some people invite me to places only for me to find out later I was never wanted or if I invite them to hang out they say they would love to but then wind up ignoring any further conversation about it. I even tell people now that there is no pressure and if they really don't want to hang out then that is perfectly fine but people still do it. Don't understand why people do that, not sure why people can't be more honest and genuine about their intentions. That is why now I barely accept invitations or invite others to hang out because I feel like they really don't want to and that they only say yes out of politeness and obligation. Just don't understand it.

[manwithnofriends]

what is it that they invite you for? parties? maybe you're not interested...

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

what is it that they invite you for? parties? maybe you're not interested...

It can be anything, usually hang outs for lunch or chill out in someone's dorm room. And when I am with people and I try to talk, I'm ignored completely. Meanwhile everyone else seems to be easily engaged. I'm interested, just don't know why people act the way they do.

[healingme4me]

You are touching upon something that I've wondered about, where something that was said by a family member before, and I had to think long and hard and ask myself, where it comes from. There is a certain 'fakeness' that comes with being smiley and nice. Not that nice people, per se, are fake, or that people that smile are either.
It's the appearance, factor. I was able to sort through this, at work, where I was forced to stop being pleasing and chronically 'bubbly', and just get honest. It was easier to sort through, as I was working with, at the time, with someone who just always put on that smiling face, and through the stress of it all, I could see, that by not asserting her needs, and being able to say no, you could see the stress factor add up. I was on an AD, while I was sorting through this, which was good, at the time. And in therapy combined with that AD. I was questioning, a great many things, in my life, at that time. I knew, my mom could also be that bubbly person. And she wasn't an entirely fake person, but upon reflection, I realized that by pleasing and being bubbly, it doesn't take one very far into sustainable depth of relationships, outside the family or tight inner circle.
I am not promoting not being polite and kind, I am recognizing why it it, that others find this type of bubbly nice, as 'fake'. It was also, a carry over for me, from my teen years and early adulthood.
Perhaps, it's not a conscious power play from these people in your life, to invite you. What is their level of obligation and reasoning, to invite you, when clearly they aren't including you, while you are out with them?

Yes it makes sense, I will admit, I can be a bit too nice as well and I have worked on that, everyone can. But I definitely don't hang out with people if I don't want to. I think their mindset is that they just don't want to be rude, but whether they realize it or not, pretending to want me around when they clearly don't want me actually causes more harm than good, and can be considered leading someone on and is a form of rudeness.

[Citrine]

I understand 15LRC. I see it alot too. Not just to me and thats where I have come to that conclusion. I watched an ex co worker pop by and people act like they are pleased to see her, she then suggests they all meet for a drink, they all say `god yeah, love to, just txt when' and guess what, nothing happened, they arent bothering, theyll never meet her. People are very often falsely friendly. I think they learn to be like this so no one thinks they are not nice and avoid confrontation unyet eventually they get sussed out. I also though agree with all that Healingforme has said, the powerplay bit is very possible. Dont let it upset you too much... I also see some boring rotten folk be the ones every one wants around, kissing xxx of course as it gets them something.

Originally Posted by Citrine

I understand 15LRC. I see it alot too. Not just to me and thats where I have come to that conclusion. I watched an ex co worker pop by and people act like they are pleased to see her, she then suggests they all meet for a drink, they all say `god yeah, love to, just txt when' and guess what, nothing happened, they arent bothering, theyll never meet her. People are very often falsely friendly. I think they learn to be like this so no one thinks they are not nice and avoid confrontation unyet eventually they get sussed out. I also though agree with all that Healingforme has said, the powerplay bit is very possible. Dont let it upset you too much... I also see some boring rotten folk be the ones every one wants around, kissing xxx of course as it gets them something.

Totally agree with you, and thinking about it, I have seen it happen to other people as well. It seems to happen to me more but yeah, I've seen it happen to other people while I watch from the sidelines. And even a couple of times I would be like, um, you don't like that person so why are you inviting that person? And the other person would respond by saying they would feel bad if they didn't invite them or felt like they had to. I agree, people are falsely nice, and that's when trouble can arise. I once got labeled as a creep because I had no idea that someone didn't like me, they were so good at making it look like we were great friends when in fact this person pitied me the whole time and didn't like me one bit. I'm afraid of stuff like that happening again because I could be talking to someone and annoying the crap out of them and I won't know a thing about it. It is sad about how falsely nice people can be, they don't understand they are actually doing more harm than good and when I see this happen to other people, I feel so bad for them and sometimes even feel tempted to tell them the truth.

[Macrick]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

You are touching upon something that I've wondered about, where something that was said by a family member before, and I had to think long and hard and ask myself, where it comes from. There is a certain 'fakeness' that comes with being smiley and nice. Not that nice people, per se, are fake, or that people that smile are either.
It's the appearance, factor. I was able to sort through this, at work, where I was forced to stop being pleasing and chronically 'bubbly', and just get honest. It was easier to sort through, as I was working with, at the time, with someone who just always put on that smiling face, and through the stress of it all, I could see, that by not asserting her needs, and being able to say no, you could see the stress factor add up. I was on an AD, while I was sorting through this, which was good, at the time. And in therapy combined with that AD. I was questioning, a great many things, in my life, at that time. I knew, my mom could also be that bubbly person. And she wasn't an entirely fake person, but upon reflection, I realized that by pleasing and being bubbly, it doesn't take one very far into sustainable depth of relationships, outside the family or tight inner circle.
I am not promoting not being polite and kind, I am recognizing why it it, that others find this type of bubbly nice, as 'fake'. It was also, a carry over for me, from my teen years and early adulthood.
Perhaps, it's not a conscious power play from these people in your life, to invite you. What is their level of obligation and reasoning, to invite you, when clearly they aren't including you, while you are out with them?

If what you mentioned is true. Being bubbly doesn't take one very far into sustainable depth of relationship. Then, am really doing it all wrong for X number of years. But from my perspective, what's the point of wobbling in a state of seriousness or misery all the tme. Only to make yourself truely unhappy? No wonder, there's so much people with mental conditions in the developed world.

If this is how people think they should be 99% of the time. I rather cut myself off from the world besides work. I do agree one shouldn't be all bubbly 99% but least 70% should be enough. I see no point living in a world like that, screw them all.

Originally Posted by Macrick

If what you mentioned is true. Being bubbly doesn't take one very far into sustainable depth of relationship. Then, am really doing it all wrong for X number of years. But from my perspective, what's the point of wobbling in a state of seriousness or misery all the tme. Only to make yourself truely unhappy? No wonder, there's so much people with mental conditions in the developed world.

If this is how people think they should be 99% of the time. I rather cut myself off from the world besides work. I do agree one shouldn't be all bubbly 99% but least 70% should be enough. I see no point living in a world like that, screw them all.

Yep, I agree, a certain level of bulb lines is fine, but an excessive amount to the point of not being able to be honest is not good.

[Webgoji]

Interesting thread. When I go out in public, I pack my depression deep into my gut and smile and talk to people; I'm just a little ray of sunshine ... until it gets too bad and then everyone freaks out because I'm upset. I find that there are quite a few people that resent me being pleasant to them and have often wondered why. Hmmm ...

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Interesting thread. When I go out in public, I pack my depression deep into my gut and smile and talk to people; I'm just a little ray of sunshine ... until it gets too bad and then everyone freaks out because I'm upset. I find that there are quite a few people that resent me being pleasant to them and have often wondered why. Hmmm ...

I'm not saying people should be rude, just think there is a fine line between genuine kindness and over politeness that, in the long run, can be seen as rude.