[Jenn1fer82]

Here I go again, going through this pity talk. I'm sick of it. When I want to get back into doing what every young person in their early 20's want to do, something stands in the way. I'm really starting to resent this damn seizure disorder and my friends.

These's seziures that I have, they are not the type that I fall down and shake to where ppl would notice and panic. They are very mild and last for a few seconds and when it passes through my body, I give myself a second or to to relax and I go on in my day. It was always like this before the meds and I was still hanging out with my friends. My close friends knows this about me. My meds now have just reduce those same exact syptoms.

Life before this I knew all so well and now, so many other ppl have moved on in their life and I can't even get my foot through the door. I call my friends lets get together and hang out. I say to them don't worry about picking me up I'll meet them there by taking the taxi. I take the taxi now because they say I’m not allowed to drive because of this damn seizure. I don't drink or smoke but like before I like the social scene and hang out with ppl. Now all of a sudden for the last 6 months everyone has disappeared. I call and they have some damn excuse of not hanging out but when they call me, they have so much to damn brag about how they had so much fun the other night at the bar or whatever it was. Why the hell come to me and tell me all about how much fun you had but when I say lets hang out, there’s pure awkward silence. What the heck is going on nothing has changed of what I enjoy to do, my interest have been just like how it was before? Before this damn seizure thing there wasn't a problem but all of sudden things changed. Why? I'm still the same person; I just have to take meds in the morning and night. I’m so damn frustrated and feeling so out of place.

I try to make new friends in college and it’s just not that easy. I’m 24 and the ppl I do meet they are either really younger then me or they could be my aunt. I feel so out of place!!! Its just not that easy to jump into a new crowd of friends.

I try to get into the dating scene again, it’s been 2 yrs but nothing has gone through yet. I’m assertive and don't mind making the first move I've always been this way but men these days get their pride kicked in the groin just because I say "Hey lets get together this weekend".

All of sudden just because now I have to take meds morning and night and I can’t drive anymore friends have now disappeared and when they do come around all they talk about are the seizure and not me. They have nothing else to ask me about but the damn seizures. I have so much more going in my life but they have to ask "so how are the meds, are you getting any better blah blah blah" what about asking me about school, about my interest in men, movies or about wanting to get together and hanging out. I’m so damn sick of it. I don’t even bring up about the seizures. I’m sick of talking about the seizures, I save it for my doctors and besides that I move on in my life.

It really shows ppl's true colors and I'm so damn frustrated because I feel so out of place.

[LMo]

Jennifer, I'm really sorry. I think it's more likely that your friends don't know what they SHOULD be asking about, rather than every single one of them being dolts, but I'm sure you're past the point of giving them the benefit of the doubt. Sounds as though you've tried that already

I always follow your posts because you seem like an interesting, intelligent, and grounded young woman. I'd love to see you soar. You're doing all of the right things, it seems, so I hope that time is all that's necessary.

Have you ever tried groups like MeetIn and MeetUp? Or activity partners on Craigslist?

Hang in there - I'm paying attention and I care.

LMo

(ps - how's school? have you seen any good movies lately? what's happening with your ex and your married friend?)

[sabby]

(((((Jen))))) I'm so sorry you are feeling out of place.

I can so understand what a difficult time you are having right now and how frustrating it must be for you.

Sometimes when our friends find out that we have an illness, all of a sudden, we seem to be defined by that illness instead of who we really are. Unless our friends have been well educated about our illness, they have a lack of understanding which in turn can make them distant from us because they just don't know how to interact with us anymore. They don't want to say or do anything that might upset you, or make themselves look stupid or uncaring. Because of that, they find it easier to stay away. It doesn't mean they don't care, just that they don't know what it is you require of them. May I suggest that you have a group of your friends over for dinner some night. Have some handouts to give them that will explain what your illness is all about. Let each of them know that your illness doesn't define you as a person and that it's ok to ask questions, but just not dwell on the subject.

Let them know if there is anything they can do for you when you have a seizure....tell them you need a few moments to regroup and then you can go on with what you were doing. Education and knowledge will be your best ally.

This is not to say that some of your friends may never be able to be as close to you as they once were. Not everyone can deal with things the way we want or hope they can. You should probably prepare yourself for that happening.

How about the next time your friends go out, and you know where they are going, why don't you just show up?? Walk in with your head held high and jump right into the fun. Maybe all they need to do is see that you are still the funloving friend they always knew and loved

Take care hon....and I hope you can get back on track soon!

Hugssssssssssss
Jean