Feeling very frustrated and trapped

I feel like I just can't get it together today. I keep crying. I cry for a few minutes, straighten up, start doing things that I need to do and then all of the sudden a wave hits and I'm crying again. I feel overwhelmed with taking care and getting used to my father's past. and then just dealing with my husband on a regular basis. I was suppose to get away on Saturday - I had my father arranged with to go with my brother and my husband was going to stay home. Well I got ready to go and my husband starting crying he wanted to go with me - I was just going on a day out to be alone without anyone that I had to be responsible for or to. I just wanted a little time for me. Now today I know that I can't get that until at least Sat or Sun becuase of work and daily routines and responsibilities and I guess I'm just really frustrated by it. I was looking forward to having a day to myself we had agreed on 4-6 hours out - I could go where ever I wanted the park and sit or window shop or just drive around alone. I feel really taken advantage of because we agreed that I could have this time and then he took it away and I know I can't get it back. I don't think they (husband/dad) realize what a strain it is to take care of them. My emotions are raw - My son who left for South Korea in late November has only emailed once, and I really would like to hear where he is and how he is doing and know what is happening with his new life, but I don't have an address/city/phone # or anything - today I feel so upset with everything I think he doesn't want me to contact him because everything that is happening here is too depressing for normal people to be able to deal with - so it is easier if he doesn't tell me - maybe I'm just being paranoid because I would like to be able to run away and not tell any one where I was or how to get a hold of me (that does sound good). I just feel drained. My eyes hurt from crying, I feel like I could eat everything in the house and somehow through all of this I am expected to concentrate and work at my job, so I can earn money to take care of the people who (at least at this moment) don't seem to be willing to let me take care of me. Well thinking of running away and not telling any one how to get a hold of me - that makes me feel some better just a wild dream but at least I feel a little lighter now.

Hello I hope things get better for you. You are probably exhausted from all of the stress, that you are going through. I hope that you tak to your therapist (if you have one) about how you are feeling and the fact that you are becoming overwhelmed physically and mentally. Can you get help to help youat this time? It sounds like you need a break from all of the stress, and a rest. I am going to leave the hotline number for you to call if you need to call and talk to someone at this time. 1-800-273-TALK. I hope you feel better soon.
take care Soidhonia

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((bbren)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My heart breaks for you. You so deserve more. That was so unfair of your husband to take your day away from you. He should realize that you need time for yourself. Everyone needs time alone and you are no exception. I would plan time alone again and tell him that you are taking it, no matter what.
I'm sorry your son isn't keeping contact with you as much as you would like. I hope next time that he will give you an email addy or phone number or address or something, so you can contact him. What if, God forbid, someone dies and you need to let him know? If he calls, tell him this, tell him it is important that you can contact him when you need to.
I hope things will get brighter for you. Anytime you need to talk, you can pm me if you want or even if it's coming on here to talk.
Good luck to you,
LInda

((bbren))

You sound very frustrated and disappointed. The next time you and your husband agree on an arrangement for time for yourself, include the stipulation that it is definite and nothing short of a disaster will change it.

They can do without you for a short time. It would be helpful if they could understand that you are as important as they are and you have needs and need to take care of yourself, as we all do. How selfish of your husband to put his needs before yours. (my opinion--sorry! )

If you have 20 minutes (though it seems like only 5 minutes!), here is a wonderfully relaxing free guided meditation site. It is a very beautiful guided meditation called Secret Garden at www.meditainment.com. I hope you can find time to try it and I hope it helps you feel better.

Maybe your husband could use it the next time you are on your way out and he is feeling anxious about that.

I hope you make some definite plans again to take care you you.



ECHOES

thank you all once again for your good advice and kind words. I know I have to be more selfish in order to make sure that I get my time alone, which I feel I desparetly needed this weekend and was really looking forward to the quiet time. I am going to plan again to try to get away- unfortunately we have a lot of things going on this weekend with my family, brother and will have to wait until the 16th but I am going to plan again, and have already talked with my brother about taking my father and started talking to my husband about being a 'big boy' and staying on his own for a while so I can have some down time. I am going to try to work in some time before then to check out the meditation website that was left and see if I can mentally escape before then. Just coming in here and typing for a few minutes is a momentary escape - thanks.

My son still has not gotten back to me - with his address, phone # and location - this is weighing heavy on my mind and it does worry me that something will happen either here or there and I won't be able to contact him. I can't believe that at 23 he can be this irresponsible but I guess (well obviously) he can. It seems common curtesy to tell your family where you are and how to contact you when you are a long distance away. He will be gone for a year and has been gone for almost three weeks and I have only heard that he got there, the plane landed and he found his roommate and apartment. He would get back to me with more information.

I haven't been crying today - well I haven't cried yet today I can say that and that it is a good thing. I have had about three days (big accomplishment) in the past six weeks where I didn't cry all day. Before October 2006 I only cried maybe once or twice a year, this is a major change for me and one that I am having a hard time getting used to.

Thanks everyone for your support and thanks for having this site, where we can come and express our deepest scarry feelings without feeling judged or criticized. It is hard to express all of my concerns to some of my friends and coworkers, I start to feel like all I do is complain (I guess becuase that is all I do) but sometimes we need to get this stuff out and let our minds get it out so we can stop thinking about it for a while - maybe.

Hey.. I had to say that my friends son is in the Navy and when he first got stationed soemwhere, it took him FOREVER to get in touch with his mom. She actually called the Navy and they found him and told him to call home. They stress family contact.

And if it embarrasses him then tell him it embarrassed you to have to hunt him down when you taught him better than that.He is probably caught up in the newness of being there and keeps saying he will call tomorrow.. and tomorrow hasn't gotten here yet..

I think you are going to have to set up some definate boundaries....be assertive and TELL them what is going to happen... and when... let them deal with it.

It isn't being selfish to take time for your own well being.. you emotional health is very important.... and you can't be any good to them if you have a break down...

Be good to yourself.. you are in my prayers...

Thanks I wish he was in the service and I could contact someone - he got a job over there teaching English - he was going to email me the name and address of the school but hasn't done it . I have sent emails daily for a week asking him to call, email, get in contact with me or his brother and nothing. I know he had access to email one time for sure because he emailed me once and said he had his computer hooked up, so I thought we would have regular contact but since the one email nothing to anyone. top this with my father and husband at home and its all I can do to get through the day without crying like a big baby. I try really hard to be nice and kind at work and not cry or show too much depression but I know it shows and I don't know what to do about it. I know that with my husband and my father I am even worse, because at home I am cranky most of the time, no all the time, between taking care of them and neither one of them have asked about my son, they are both very selfish people and concerned only with themselves adn their problems and they forget that I have other things on my mind and might have problems they are unaware of. I have plans next weekend to go out for a day, I am hopeful that this weekend I can go out for a least a couple of hours on my own. I feel like I really need some down time, just to let my mind go where it needs to go and think or better yet try not to think for a couple of hours just rest - sleep would be nice. At night I have been sleeping about 2 hours waking up for an hour or so and then going back to sleep for a couple of hours and then getting up. Thank you for your kind thoughts they are appreciated.

I hope you get your time away...I'll pray for you... it will all work out...