Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Dec 22, 2013, 07:58 AM
mmd2192 mmd2192 is offline
Newly Joined
 
Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: Spain
Posts: 2
Hi everyone!

I am struggling with leaving a relationship which has been very painful for me. I have been in the relationship for four years, and my husband's actions have escalated. I started to suspect that he was emotionally abusing me about two years ago, by the way he talked to me and treated me. A few months ago, he started slapping me and other acts of physical aggression when had big arguments--it wasn't a lot, and it wasn't like he beat me up, just would throw me, push me, slam the door on me, he did hit me with a shoe once and he slapped me on the face three times, more or less.

After reading lots of websites on this topic I keep coming across one area that I'm confused about. Everything says that abusers try to control you, but this hasn't been my case. He has never really monitored who I'm with or what I do...as far as I know he seems to trust me more or less. Also, he is always the one using the "It's over" card when we argue, and while he's never actually left me he's threatened to do so a lot and acts like he'd be better off without me.

So my question is this....is it still emotional abuse if he's not exactly controlling? I have to say that I moved to another country for him, to live where his friends and family do, so that in a way he has taken me from friends and family....just never explicitly so.

Sometimes I feel like I'm unfairly labeling him or judging him. Everyone else in the world thinks that he is so wonderful, deep, handsome, spiritual, etc, and I just can't believe that this same man can be treating me so horribly. I feel like I must really be doing something wrong to deserve it, and it makes me scared to leave him. I'm so scared of being alone and feel that I'll never meet anyone else...

Someone please help!

Last edited by Christina86; Dec 22, 2013 at 03:11 PM. Reason: added trigger icon
Hugs from:
Anonymous817219

advertisement
  #2  
Old Dec 22, 2013, 02:11 PM
Travelinglady's Avatar
Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49,212
Hello, mm, and welcome to Psych Central! Yes, it's emotional abuse. No one should call someone bad names and be mean. And threaten to leave you. And you are being physically abused on top of that!

Can you get away from him? You really need to. This marriage is not a good, healthy one at all, and I am concerned about your future. Frankly it would be better to be alone than with a guy like him, regardless of how nice he appears to everyone else. The physical abuse might keep escalating, to the point where you really get hurt.
  #3  
Old Dec 22, 2013, 06:42 PM
curley's Avatar
curley curley is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2005
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Posts: 644
Hi MMD...Does it make a difference really what type of abuse it is. Ok so he is not calling you names. Big deal. I think you need to ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship with anyone who hits, slaps, throws you around in any way, a little bit or a lot. Maybe others think the world of him because he does not lay his hands on them.
Its confusing and sad to me that you do not seem to be upset about yourself just that you dont want to label this man incorrectly. No one deserves this type of treatment!!!
If you are in therapy or can seek counseling that may be very helpful. I hope you will realize you deserve better!
__________________


People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when
darkness hits their true beauty is
revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros
Thanks for this!
NWgirl2013
  #4  
Old Dec 22, 2013, 09:56 PM
Anonymous817219
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I feel like I must really be doing something wrong to deserve it, and it makes me scared to leave him. I'm so scared of being alone and feel that I'll never meet anyone else...
He is shaming you into believing you deserve this and are not worthy of love which is keeping you from leaving. This is control. Abuse often progresses from emotional to physical. It appears he has crossed that line.

I hope you can be strong and leave.
Thanks for this!
Trippin2.0
  #5  
Old Dec 24, 2013, 02:47 PM
Soulsisters Soulsisters is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2013
Location: Salt Lake City
Posts: 33
Hi,

You are in a classical verbal/emotionally abuusive situation. They make you unsure of your own feelings and that something is wrong with you.

Ask yourself these questions?
When was the last time you set a goal for yourself?
Are you able to dream and share these dreams with him?
Do you worry how he will respond to you?
Do you feel lost at times and don't know why?
Do you feel comfortable making plans for family without asking him first? Even accepting a dinner request?
Do you feel like you can't get the house clean enough for him?
Has he laughed at your ideas that you felt were important?
Does he make fun of you in front of others and pretend it is a joke?
Is his happiness up to your actions, is it your responsibility to make him happy?
Does his happiness come first?

Anyway I could go on and on. Don't let him steal your confidence. Work hard to set goals and dreams and meet your own needs. Take care of you, no one is worth loosing yourself over.

Be strong, be very strong. If you are in a verbal abuse cycle, it is quite a ride.

If you are, you are not alone

Tell your story
Thanks for this!
NWgirl2013
  #6  
Old Dec 24, 2013, 03:37 PM
NWgirl2013's Avatar
NWgirl2013 NWgirl2013 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Between A Rock & A Hard Place
Posts: 2,270
mmd~ I agree with all the other posters & may I add that he appears to have broken your spirit & he will continue to do this as long you are with him. I only see this getting worse for you. No one should Ever touch you this way. Especially your H.
If someone fills you with so many questions & doubt about yourself, they are abusive. My own H never lays a hand on me & actually uses That as proof that he is not doing harm. But harm he does ~with his words. Of course no one else sees this, our H's save this behavior for our eyes/ears/hearts only. Yes it is control, & it keeps us off balance.
I hope you can find some counselling there, and get a chance to go home for visits on a more frequent basis. Being away from him will give you a chance to clear your head. Many hugs to you...
__________________
It only takes a moment to be kind ~
  #7  
Old Dec 24, 2013, 04:07 PM
Anonymous37842
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
What he is doing to you is a form of control ...

-Manipulation
-Brainwashing
-Gas Lighting

All of these are emotional abuse, and it's already escalated into physical abuse, so it's only going to get worse from this point forward. Information on each of these are readily available online and I suggest you Google them sooner than later.

Yes, your abuser can have outsiders thinking he is a good guy ... Your abuser can also have you so messed up inside your own head that you no longer trust the truth your own mind is trying to tell you.

You say you don't want to be alone ... Trust me, there are worse things than being alone ... Run as far (and as fast) as you can from this man before he drives you insane (emotional abuse), puts you in the hospital (physical abuse), or kills you (dead).

If you don't have friends and family you can turn to, then find a women's shelter or domestic violence center who can help you escape before it's too late.

Reply
Views: 655

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:25 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.