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#1
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Hi everyone!
I am struggling with leaving a relationship which has been very painful for me. I have been in the relationship for four years, and my husband's actions have escalated. I started to suspect that he was emotionally abusing me about two years ago, by the way he talked to me and treated me. A few months ago, he started slapping me and other acts of physical aggression when had big arguments--it wasn't a lot, and it wasn't like he beat me up, just would throw me, push me, slam the door on me, he did hit me with a shoe once and he slapped me on the face three times, more or less. After reading lots of websites on this topic I keep coming across one area that I'm confused about. Everything says that abusers try to control you, but this hasn't been my case. He has never really monitored who I'm with or what I do...as far as I know he seems to trust me more or less. Also, he is always the one using the "It's over" card when we argue, and while he's never actually left me he's threatened to do so a lot and acts like he'd be better off without me. So my question is this....is it still emotional abuse if he's not exactly controlling? I have to say that I moved to another country for him, to live where his friends and family do, so that in a way he has taken me from friends and family....just never explicitly so. Sometimes I feel like I'm unfairly labeling him or judging him. Everyone else in the world thinks that he is so wonderful, deep, handsome, spiritual, etc, and I just can't believe that this same man can be treating me so horribly. I feel like I must really be doing something wrong to deserve it, and it makes me scared to leave him. I'm so scared of being alone and feel that I'll never meet anyone else... Someone please help! Last edited by Christina86; Dec 22, 2013 at 03:11 PM. Reason: added trigger icon |
![]() Anonymous817219
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#2
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Hello, mm, and welcome to Psych Central!
![]() Can you get away from him? You really need to. This marriage is not a good, healthy one at all, and I am concerned about your future. ![]() |
#3
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Hi MMD...Does it make a difference really what type of abuse it is. Ok so he is not calling you names. Big deal. I think you need to ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship with anyone who hits, slaps, throws you around in any way, a little bit or a lot. Maybe others think the world of him because he does not lay his hands on them.
Its confusing and sad to me that you do not seem to be upset about yourself just that you dont want to label this man incorrectly. No one deserves this type of treatment!!! If you are in therapy or can seek counseling that may be very helpful. I hope you will realize you deserve better! ![]()
__________________
People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when darkness hits their true beauty is revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros |
![]() NWgirl2013
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#4
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Quote:
I hope you can be strong and leave. ![]() |
![]() Trippin2.0
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#5
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Hi,
You are in a classical verbal/emotionally abuusive situation. They make you unsure of your own feelings and that something is wrong with you. Ask yourself these questions? When was the last time you set a goal for yourself? Are you able to dream and share these dreams with him? Do you worry how he will respond to you? Do you feel lost at times and don't know why? Do you feel comfortable making plans for family without asking him first? Even accepting a dinner request? Do you feel like you can't get the house clean enough for him? Has he laughed at your ideas that you felt were important? Does he make fun of you in front of others and pretend it is a joke? Is his happiness up to your actions, is it your responsibility to make him happy? Does his happiness come first? Anyway I could go on and on. Don't let him steal your confidence. Work hard to set goals and dreams and meet your own needs. Take care of you, no one is worth loosing yourself over. Be strong, be very strong. If you are in a verbal abuse cycle, it is quite a ride. If you are, you are not alone Tell your story |
![]() NWgirl2013
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#6
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![]() If someone fills you with so many questions & doubt about yourself, they are abusive. My own H never lays a hand on me & actually uses That as proof that he is not doing harm. But harm he does ~with his words. Of course no one else sees this, our H's save this behavior for our eyes/ears/hearts only. Yes it is control, & it keeps us off balance. I hope you can find some counselling there, and get a chance to go home for visits on a more frequent basis. Being away from him will give you a chance to clear your head. Many hugs ![]()
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It only takes a moment to be kind ~ |
#7
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What he is doing to you is a form of control ...
-Manipulation -Brainwashing -Gas Lighting All of these are emotional abuse, and it's already escalated into physical abuse, so it's only going to get worse from this point forward. Information on each of these are readily available online and I suggest you Google them sooner than later. Yes, your abuser can have outsiders thinking he is a good guy ... Your abuser can also have you so messed up inside your own head that you no longer trust the truth your own mind is trying to tell you. You say you don't want to be alone ... Trust me, there are worse things than being alone ... Run as far (and as fast) as you can from this man before he drives you insane (emotional abuse), puts you in the hospital (physical abuse), or kills you (dead). If you don't have friends and family you can turn to, then find a women's shelter or domestic violence center who can help you escape before it's too late. ![]() |
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