[lightinthesky]

4 months, it's been 4 months and still the same.
I can not move on and stop thinking about my past, it's been 4 months and I can't! I feel stupid complaining because other people here have much more serious problems than me, but it's been so long and I am so tired of loving and thinking of him.
I always distract myself and im trying to be a better person but I notice that when I do it, it seems like I am doing it so HE would know that I AM good, that I am not bad and on some level I even want to be better than his next girlfriend/love, it is so sick and crazy.. No matter what I do it feels like I cant win, that I am nothing and I have nothing and he was right that he left me. I can't pull myself together, I can't start studying or find a hobby, I lost my confidence and ambitious, I am losing desire to try things and do things and achieve things.. I'm losing passion for life. Nothing makes me happy anymore even tho i am forcing myself to be around people and be out, once I come back home - I am back to the square 1 where I am miserable and I want to cry for hours.

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[Elektra_]

4 months isnt much actually... but u need to stop thinking about him as good thing and start remembering him with he bad and pain he has given u. and if u are the one thats in that pic it shouldnt take long to find another

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

4 months isnt much actually... but u need to stop thinking about him as good thing and start remembering him with he bad and pain he has given u. and if u are the one thats in that pic it shouldnt take long to find another

I do remember bad, it is still in my head but it isn't stronger than other feelings, I am not sure if I am even thinking lees, still the same. Still hurts so bad. I want to change and do things but I always put it away for later, because I've no power or desire to do anything

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[OurLadysTears]

I agree. Four months is not a ton of time to move on. I don't know how long your relationship was but he was your life and lifestyle for a set period of time. Usually the longer you were together the harder it is to readjust and try to create a new life. It really is life changing. It's not like a break up is like moving on your merry own way for everyone. It is taking your life and what you grew used to and completely rearranging it. Similar in the sense to a very strict diet or an alcoholic giving up the bottle. The only difference is you have to learn to be stronger than that because this isn't necessarily a vice that you can go back to. It is a grieving and restructuring process. It's been four months for me too and trust me. I think about him everyday and I hate it. The good things that you do that you feel would show good in his eyes. Keep doing them regardless. Try to concentrate harder on the things you are doing. Gradually, you'll do them for your own benefit and you'll think less of doing them for him. Eventually it will feel more rewarding. I have faith you'll get through this. :-)

[Buddy17]

i can feel your feelings and pains. you can't search any happiness more than him. you will think your days which you spent with him. truly love doesn't have time to forgot. even if you will cross 4 years you will feels this same pains on that time.. try to concentrate any other things.

[PeachCream22]

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. TRUST ME. Every part of your life is centered on him. You do things that are actually supposed to be for your own good, but deep down inside, you search within and find that, you're doing it for that special someone who used to be in your life. That someone who was the cause of your own self-improvement, and without that anchor, somehow you've lost your way in life. Trying to compare yourself to his next lover. All that is normal! It is a part of moving on, and it's good you are experiencing and allowing yourself to feel the pain, and to go through it.

I went through this for more than a year. It was NOT good. At all. But eventually it gets easier. Like one of the above posters said, i do not know how long your relationship has been with him, but logically, the longer your relationship was, the more time it takes for you to get over him. Your brain automatically replays all of the happy memories, and naturally you will miss them. For me, I kept on replaying scenarios, conversations, actions, little things that I missed. I wanted to lose my life, I had no passion for anything at all, I just kept on questioning the point in life. This was going on for a year, you understand, among important school work and massive exams, psychological problems with moving on, the works.

Until, one day, I snapped. I got tired of all this craziness. Maybe one day, you will get angry, and perhaps it can be a little healthy for both of us. To pull us out, to get us out of this abyss, and that would be the second step to moving on after going through the first stage of pain. I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL GET BETTER. I still am experiencing what you are experiencing, crying, and all that depression. Please, PM me if you want.

P.S i hope my reply was on the spot and was useful. I'd feel really, really stupid if it was not related to your problem at all.

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by PeachCream22

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. TRUST ME. Every part of your life is centered on him. You do things that are actually supposed to be for your own good, but deep down inside, you search within and find that, you're doing it for that special someone who used to be in your life. That someone who was the cause of your own self-improvement, and without that anchor, somehow you've lost your way in life. Trying to compare yourself to his next lover. All that is normal! It is a part of moving on, and it's good you are experiencing and allowing yourself to feel the pain, and to go through it.

I went through this for more than a year. It was NOT good. At all. But eventually it gets easier. Like one of the above posters said, i do not know how long your relationship has been with him, but logically, the longer your relationship was, the more time it takes for you to get over him. Your brain automatically replays all of the happy memories, and naturally you will miss them. For me, I kept on replaying scenarios, conversations, actions, little things that I missed. I wanted to lose my life, I had no passion for anything at all, I just kept on questioning the point in life. This was going on for a year, you understand, among important school work and massive exams, psychological problems with moving on, the works.

Until, one day, I snapped. I got tired of all this craziness. Maybe one day, you will get angry, and perhaps it can be a little healthy for both of us. To pull us out, to get us out of this abyss, and that would be the second step to moving on after going through the first stage of pain. I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL GET BETTER. I still am experiencing what you are experiencing, crying, and all that depression. Please, PM me if you want.

P.S i hope my reply was on the spot and was useful. I'd feel really, really stupid if it was not related to your problem at all.

It was, I just don't see any end of it. I don't like the fact that I can't do anything in my life without him, I was thinking I gotta start studying in September and I know I will do it to prove him that I can achieve someone, it's just so sick, I always have pictures in my head of him and someone else, he is gonna definitely marry his next girlfriend because of his age and I will be not even a memory for him anymore. I don't see myself with anyone, my confidence and self- esteem went down to zero. I'm just so tired of this life waiting for it to get better.

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[Perna]

You say you are going out, I would up the ante and "do" something that requires more attention, take a class or change jobs or something else that will force you out of the rut some more. You go out even though you don't want to, so "do" something even though you don't want to, new hobby, job, activity of some sort. You have to start engaging yourself somewhere else as well as just showing up somewhere else.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Is it constantly like this? For me it's been almost 4 months since she left (almost 6 since she told me she wanted to leave)..I have moments when I feel like that but as time went these moments came more in spurts than an actual state of being.

If it's constantly like this, maybe you should go see a therapist or speak to someone you trust to help you. You might be suffering from depression, it's very possible it's not actually about him at this point.

[lightinthesky]

I have a therapist, it helps only a little bit.. i am going out because it's easy, I can't force myself to get up and do something serious, what is the point? Is it gonna make me better? Sad to admit it but I do feel like I am nothing because nothing interests me, I've no ambitious left, I have dreams that never come true.

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[oldlife_disrupted]

You need to keep going. You need to find a social activity, push yourself to go and make your life without him. Memories that are your own will soon outnumber memories that involved him. It takes time and effort. Hopefully you aren't in contact with him, it'll be faster that way.

[cdnomore]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

4 months, it's been 4 months and still the same.
I can not move on and stop thinking about my past, it's been 4 months and I can't! I lost my confidence and ambitious, I am losing desire to try things and do things and achieve things.. I'm losing passion for life. Nothing makes me happy anymore even tho i am forcing myself to be around people and be out.

Ohhh, I feel for your pain, I wish I could give you a magic answer that would make it go away! I have felt like this before, and sometimes it feels so uncomfortable just to be in your own skin.
You are doing well to get out, to keep trying. Beleive me, please, you will heal, I know it hurts now, and its hard to beleive that it will pass.
But, it honestly will, honestly. Someday, a year from now maybe, and you'll look back and this will seem like a vague memory. But, hopefully,dear sad little one, you will pull yourself along every day in spite of the heartache, and learn whatever lesson was in this for you, and realize you have so much heart give yourself the love and attention you need right now, try not to judge yourself.
Watch some sad movies and cry your eyes out. Eventually the tears will dry and it will be like the old Fleetwood Mac song, "when the rain washes you clean you'll know".

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by oldlife_disrupted

You need to keep going. You need to find a social activity, push yourself to go and make your life without him. Memories that are your own will soon outnumber memories that involved him. It takes time and effort. Hopefully you aren't in contact with him, it'll be faster that way.

I wish you knew how hard I am trying. He cut the ties off straight away, after which I kept texting him for 2 months a so even tho i was getting no response, then I was blocked by him (everywhe). There is nothing that I want to do for myself even if I want to do something is to prove him that I am good enough to be loved and respected.. i don't contact him anymore and afraid to check his page on social websites..
I am very very tired and feel sorry for myself which not good, like without him I am nothing, we were always "us", I was his "kid".

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[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by cdnomore

Ohhh, I feel for your pain, I wish I could give you a magic answer that would make it go away! I have felt like this before, and sometimes it feels so uncomfortable just to be in your own skin.
You are doing well to get out, to keep trying. Beleive me, please, you will heal, I know it hurts now, and its hard to beleive that it will pass.
But, it honestly will, honestly. Someday, a year from now maybe, and you'll look back and this will seem like a vague memory. But, hopefully,dear sad little one, you will pull yourself along every day in spite of the heartache, and learn whatever lesson was in this for you, and realize you have so much heart give yourself the love and attention you need right now, try not to judge yourself.
Watch some sad movies and cry your eyes out. Eventually the tears will dry and it will be like the old Fleetwood Mac song, "when the rain washes you clean you'll know".

Oh I deleted all love songs that I ever had and I even if I watch something it is mainly cartoons so I can avoid any emotions whatsoever. . It doesn't seem to get any better and sometimes I think I don't even want to pretend anymore and be without him but I want to trust your experience.

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[cdnomore]

Thanks, you are going to gain experience too from this...

[hugbear]

You need to get a book "getting past your break up" susan j elliott.

I have just recently separated and thought my xmas and nye was going to be awful. I have so far read half this book and it has changed my life. If you look at reviews on amazon you will see how amazing this book actually is.

I was able to get it straight away as a pdf

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by hugbear

You need to get a book "getting past your break up" susan j elliott.

I have just recently separated and thought my xmas and nye was going to be awful. I have so far read half this book and it has changed my life. If you look at reviews on amazon you will see how amazing this book actually is.

I was able to get it straight away as a pdf

Thank you, I will look for it

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[danvb]

Amazon, $11.61 Paperback; $9.99 Kindle

[lightinthesky]

Would feel bad buying it in a real store 😊

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[Soulsisters]

Hi,

If you don't mind me asking, how did he treat you? How did you feel with him on a day to day basis. Don't look back to early times, use an average.

It may give you some clarity.

Grieving takes time. Let yourself feel what you need to feel and you will heal faster. You are going to be fine. Be kind to yourself. With pain you will find joy.

Bless you

[danvb]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

Would feel bad buying it in a real store ��

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Well... perhaps if you just try to imagine that Amazon isn't a "real" store. C'mon! It's practically not a "real" store right now! I mean, when was the last time you drove down to your local Amazon store, walked in and bought a book?... or ANYTHING for that matter! Huh? How about, "NEVER!" So, how much of a "real" store can it be?

Really, it's a great book... I'll be worth it. So, just trot your little fingers on over to the keyboard, open up Google and type in A-M-A-Z-O-N and then press enter! I'm SURE that a clever gal like you can figure it all out from there! C'mon... yeah... that's right... A-M-A... well, you know the rest...

OH! Hey... what about the LIBRARY? Gosh! What was I THINKING? Of COURSE! I mean, you limeys still have libraries over there don't you? I'm almost sure that old Ben Franklin must have shared his idea of having a public library system with y'all, didn't he?... Know what I mean?

And I don't want to hear about how far it is to the library!... or perhaps I should begin expounding on the merits of the incredible public transportation system in the UK? Trust me, it'll be much less painful for you to just go to the library...

Just sayin'...

So, to recap: Choice #1 - Buy the book; Choice #2 - Get the book from the library.

See! It can't get much clearer or easier than that!

Dan

[danvb]

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by danvb

Well... perhaps if you just try to imagine that Amazon isn't a "real" store. C'mon! It's practically not a "real" store right now! I mean, when was the last time you drove down to your local Amazon store, walked in and bought a book?... or ANYTHING for that matter! Huh? How about, "NEVER!" So, how much of a "real" store can it be?

Really, it's a great book... I'll be worth it. So, just trot your little fingers on over to the keyboard, open up Google and type in A-M-A-Z-O-N and then press enter! I'm SURE that a clever gal like you can figure it all out from there! C'mon... yeah... that's right... A-M-A... well, you know the rest...

OH! Hey... what about the LIBRARY? Gosh! What was I THINKING? Of COURSE! I mean, you limeys still have libraries over there don't you? I'm almost sure that old Ben Franklin must have shared his idea of having a public library system with y'all, didn't he?... Know what I mean?

And I don't want to hear about how far it is to the library!... or perhaps I should begin expounding on the merits of the incredible public transportation system in the UK? Trust me, it'll be much less painful for you to just go to the library...

Just sayin'...

So, to recap: Choice #1 - Buy the book; Choice #2 - Get the book from the library.

See! It can't get much clearer or easier than that!

Dan

I am in ireland but yeah they have libraries here I meant I would feel bad buying it in a store (not online) paying for it at the till etc) I would prefer to read it at home where nobody can see me anyway, I think I got it all sorted my friend

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[danvb]

Originally Posted by lightinthesky

I am in ireland but yeah they have libraries here I meant I would feel bad buying it in a store (not online) paying for it at the till etc) I would prefer to read it at home where nobody can see me anyway, I think I got it all sorted my friend

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Oh! My bad! Um... YEAH! Of course!... I KNEW that that's what you meant... uh... I was just checking to see if um... gimmee a minute... Hmmmmmm...

Well! I'm glad you've gotten it all "sorted out" any way!!!

Hmmmmm...

Alrighty then... 10-4 Good Buddy... Roger, over and out... Well, shiver-me-timbers matey!! Aaarrrrgggg!!...

Uh... Can you humor me and pretend I didn't just say that... eh matey? Yeah... Don't ask.

Dan

[nycgal448]

It's been exactly 4 mos for me too. I do feel ur pain, REALLY and truly.
I have had stages, anger, hurt, guilt and sadness. Sometimes I think
about him and cry... but my scenario is different. I wuz devastated when
we broke up, but the aftermath wuz 10x worse. He turned into a totally
different person; bitter, verbally abusive, miserable .. wasn't him. He
had issues too, but we now hate each other. He , I believe is using again.
Time will heal all wounds. I miss the person he wuz.