[Joannof3]

hello, I have made a few post regarding my b/f and I .we have been together off and on for yrs..I came 3000 miles to be with him blah blah blah ...here's the problem...I love this man soooooo much and he says he loves me too but I'm having a hard time believing him...when things are good they are awesome !! I go to his house spend the weekends..I help him do the things he needs to get done around his house ,we laugh, our sex life is wonderful ,etc etc...ok now for the bad parts....his mother ( in the past )has said things to me to cause problems between him and I ..He has never been married , no kids and he doesnt try to be apart of my family( but for small talk).he will only do for them if they ask but he never offers which I posted about a couple of weeks ago...heres what he does...It has been a month and a half since we have seen eachother.....He sends IM's changing his screen name ...something I asked him to do months ago because he was caught on a dating sight ..that HE said" he dont remember making ...anyways. I'm over that now ..,he slips card under my door with money ..saying " he loves me and misses me" He calls once and if nobody answers he will continue to leave IM's on my computer...my problem and biggest reason why we arent together is ...he comes to my house we are watching t.v having great time , we mess around and out he goes ..NEVER has spent the night with me ..its been 5 yrs and it makes me feel like a piece of meat. I ask him why he doesnt hold me and stay with me ? he replies" I don't know , If I want to stay I will and if I dont I wont" he is 40 yrs old and I am alittle over 40...I dont want part time and he knows this...so I have decided to just let it go and trying to move on ..but he wont stop...I know he loves me and I know what we have is good when he gives all of him ...I have told him many many times ,,,its either both ways,100 percent or 100 percent out.....if he loved me I would think holding me allnight would be something he would enjoy doing but for some reason he has to run home ...I am so full of anxiety and just when I think I am doing alittle better he starts sending me messages , money, cards, phone calls ...what do I do? I really love him but I cant stand the yo yo ...I know people are getting tired of my crying and whining to them but its like he has some kind of hold on me I cant let go of...I feel like Im dating a married man or something ...I know I need to seek counseling but money is tight right now so I came here in hopes that someone can help me ...ok , thank you for listening ..I guess Im just kinda venting because I dont know what to do ...my heart hurts because I want to be with him but I know Im wasting my time I'm not getting any younger and my kids need someone in their life who will be there for them as well as for me..

[(JD)]

Well, I'm no Ask Abigail, but imo you have already wasted enough of your good lovin on this guy. Time to quit while you're ahead. Sounds to me like you have given him many occasions to make a commitment, and it just isn't going to happen. Why bother when he now has his cake and can eat it too??? Also, if you don't get along with his mother NOW?? (or her you, family and all that) there is very little chance of doing so later. They don't even know you and won't give you a benefit of the doubt now.

Time to end this, imo. (((((big hug)))) and go looking for the real "one" for you! You deserve so much more!

[biplol]

Sweetie, I have to agree wiht Sky, he won't change and maybe he is great, but not good enough for you.
~hugs ~

[FaithisAlive]

yeah.. he is getting all the benefits without the committment.... and you deserve more respect than that...

I think you should break it off and refuse his calls.. delete his messages and send back his cards and stuff... he will get the message eventually ..

You can't find someone who is willing and able to give of himself and his love all the time if you are strapped down by this guy....

Good Luck! Faith

[razeljenny]

It is ashamed that you met him! It happened to me like that one time.

You are hurting so so bad. I know it's that way with you now.

The same exact thing was happening in my own life.

I spent so so much time doing what you are doing also.

I know your hurt like mine.

I understand all of it.

I care. I am here thinking good thoughts to you.

I really understand you.

I know what you feel. I really really know

Love robin

[Joannof3]

hello, Thank you all so much for listening and your responses..It is so hard to believe that someone you love so much can hurt you .I am trying to stay away and not return his calls or emails etc ,etc .I just hope this feeling gets better..I really feel in time I will be alright its just the waiting ..I miss him with all my heart but I realize that I miss the man he made me think he was and not the man he really is. he is a nice guy but as someone here said " not the man for me" I do wish him happiness . I just want the hurt to stop & I feel for anyone who has been through this ..take care bye 4 now