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May 25, 2002 at 11:35 PM
#1
In some past relationships, I felt there was an unspoken agreement that I and the other person were to play a role for each other, rather than actually connect as individuals, performing an internal script that had more to do with ourselves than each other, that for practical purposes we were interchangeable with someone else equally willing to participate, to serve a need, to act out a personal story - you know what I mean? It's a strange feeling to come out of the fog and wonder what that was all about, watch a relationship like that evaporate. Fortunately my marriage is not at all like that, which is what makes me think it's a pretty real relationship. We're very separate and different. So the process is more about how to bridge the gap and hear each other, which takes a lot of work but is not as exhausting. But I still feel vulnerable to the role playing thing. Sometimes I meet people who stir it up, then I have to wrestle it back down. Anyone else see a relationship take on a life of its own?
Sara |
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Member Since Jul 2001
Location: USA
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May 26, 2002 at 06:43 PM
#2
That's amazing you have insight into that. At times people do that and are not consciously aware of it. The fact that you are aware of it can help you to not get into it, if you don't want, and give some reason to walk away. Or else just be you in all the relationships as an alterative. I know sometimes I have not been accepted as me--their loss not mine, I say.
 I did it too years ago. It wasn't a good thing to do because it was not me he was interested in so I tried to be who I was not. Chalk it up to another learning experience. I try to walk away from that. It's perfectly fine to be just who we are at all times. <font color=purple>"Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes." James A. Froude</font color=purple> <font color=blue>"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Stephen Covey </font color=blue> <font color=orange>"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Byron</font color=orange>
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Jun 01, 2002 at 11:08 AM
#3
Thanks. You are very kind.
Sara |
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