[missinformed]

My ex even after we are apart now says the meanest thing to me when he is hurt and is so cruel. I have never experienced this in a relationship before. Is this common in bi polar disorder or more a personality disorder trait?

[chateau2662]

I would love to know the answer to that question as well since I have the same problem with my fiancé!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by missinformed

My ex even after we are apart now says the meanest thing to me when he is hurt and is so cruel. I have never experienced this in a relationship before. Is this common in bi polar disorder or more a personality disorder trait?

It's possible. I went completely mental on my bf last week! Got my feelings hurt over him getting a Facebook account (of all things! ). I don't know if that "triggered" me or if he caught me at the verge of a manic episode......all I remember is becoming enraged, spewing things out of my mouth that I KNEW were hurtful to him, but I couldn't stop myself. The more I tried to hold in the hurt & anger-the worse my outburst became! It was PHYSICALLY CAUSING ME PAIN trying to hold back my words! It was as if I didn't get it all out, my emotions were strong enough to kill me. I mean I had a every cell of my body inflamed with the fires of HELL! I was even snapping at people I wasn't even mad at. I was even rationalizing things in my head while in the middle of it all. Asking myself things like-why is this bothering me so much? Is this REALLY what you want to do? Am I sure I want to end this relationship over fb? Am I going to be sorry for this when I finally calm down? Does he hate me now? I COULD NOT TALK MYSELF DOWN. I HONESTLY though my family was going to surely have me committed again. He almost left, but I mustered up the nerve to ask him to stay. To my surprise, he wasn't even mad at me the next day. But I did admit to him that night that I needed to make an apt. with my dr. and I did.

[IndieVisible]

I'm thinking more a personality trait. Anyone can and does say some very hurtful things when angered. I don't think it would be fair to attribute it to any one type or disorder.

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

It's possible. I went completely mental on my bf last week! Got my feelings hurt over him getting a Facebook account (of all things! ). I don't know if that "triggered" me or if he caught me at the verge of a manic episode......all I remember is becoming enraged, spewing things out of my mouth that I KNEW were hurtful to him, but I couldn't stop myself. The more I tried to hold in the hurt & anger-the worse my outburst became! It was PHYSICALLY CAUSING ME PAIN trying to hold back my words! It was as if I didn't get it all out, my emotions were strong enough to kill me. I mean I had a every cell of my body inflamed with the fires of HELL! I was even snapping at people I wasn't even mad at. I was even rationalizing things in my head while in the middle of it all. Asking myself things like-why is this bothering me so much? Is this REALLY what you want to do? Am I sure I want to end this relationship over fb? Am I going to be sorry for this when I finally calm down? Does he hate me now? I COULD NOT TALK MYSELF DOWN. I HONESTLY though my family was going to surely have me committed again. He almost left, but I mustered up the nerve to ask him to stay. To my surprise, he wasn't even mad at me the next day. But I did admit to him that night that I needed to make an apt. with my dr. and I did.

I have always taking an emotional tongue lashing from him when he is hurt. He always said that was all he had to hurt me with...was his words. I have been called a ****, a *****, (none of which are true), told by him he wished he could rip my heart out even though he has never raised a hand to me, called worthless and pathetic, fat, you name it. I found out recently he has had a relationship with another woman and I ended it with him. He seems to be manic and I just can't handle it all anymore.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by missinformed

I have always taking an emotional tongue lashing from him when he is hurt. He always said that was all he had to hurt me with...was his words. I have been called a ****, a *****, (none of which are true), told by him he wished he could rip my heart out even though he has never raised a hand to me, called worthless and pathetic, fat, you name it. I found out recently he has had a relationship with another woman and I ended it with him. He seems to be manic and I just can't handle it all anymore.

Oh wow! That's extreme for me & I am OUT THERE at times! They say that "hurting people", HURT PEOPLE but I think there just evil in the world! My manic swings usually have little to do with anyone but me. They usually come when I've had an overload of repressed feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, worthlessness, dissatisfaction and so on....it's never really "intended" to hurt others, although it does, it's more like a "release" of harmful toxins that were buried in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, body & soul. That's the best way I know to describe it. Mania is easier for me to control most of the time. I'm pretty open with my feelings if I have someone willing to listen. If I do, I can "clean out my emotional baggage" and things don't get overwhelming & out of control. I hope this helps you.

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by missinformed

I have always taking an emotional tongue lashing from him when he is hurt. He always said that was all he had to hurt me with...was his words. I have been called a ****, a *****, (none of which are true), told by him he wished he could rip my heart out even though he has never raised a hand to me, called worthless and pathetic, fat, you name it. I found out recently he has had a relationship with another woman and I ended it with him. He seems to be manic and I just can't handle it all anymore.

I don't think anyone should make excuses for that type of behavior. To many emphasize their abusive behavior on some sort of personality trait or disorder.
NO! Its simply abusive and should not be excused.

Personally I do not believe Bi polar is a disorder. ....but I am sure many will disagree with me...that is fine...
just saying what I think...

but on another note...to willfully mentally abuse someone is a choice and abuse, and it should not be considered something else.

...but NO it does not go under that of bi-polar disorder. Nothing that is mentioned in bi-polar has no relation to be verbally and mentally abusive.
If we were to go by the guidelines of what is called bi-polar disorder. As to say if I believed in it.

For someone to actually provoke fear to hurt someone....and if they get a release or thrill off of it...an adrenaline. It is very close more to sadistic.

[hvert]

I don't think this is a trait common to bipolar people. I think it's part of something called mean disorder I'm glad you got out of that relationship and won't have to listen to this anymore!

[A Red Panda]

It's not a trait of bipolar disorder. Being irritable can be a symptom, but being irritable doesn't equal being verbally abusive.

Abusive/cruel behaviour is simply that - it can be present in anyone, with or without a disorder.

You made a good choice in leaving him. You didn't leave him because he was manic, you left him because he was a cheating a**wipe who was verbally abusive towards you.

[missinformed]

Originally Posted by chateau2662

I would love to know the answer to that question as well since I have the same problem with my fiancé!

I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts. The only explanation he ever gives me if when he is hurting he lashes out with words. To me words are far more hurtful and harder to get over.

[chateau2662]

The words are far worse than physical abuse. I think that what happens is we end up with these people because they desire the "good" that is in us. I think they want to feel or harness the energy that most of us have. On the flip side, if anyone is like me, I think they see the people pleaser in us and know that will satisfy their needs also. That's were I get myself in trouble every time

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by missinformed

My ex even after we are apart now says the meanest thing to me when he is hurt and is so cruel. I have never experienced this in a relationship before. Is this common in bi polar disorder or more a personality disorder trait?

My states website for domestic violence states that 'most' abusers have either Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.

Words do hurt. How is it, that he is still in contact with you?

Just because a person 'may' have a disorder, doesn't excuse the behavior. I feel that the state mentions this, to help victims of abuse, try to get an understanding as to why is this happening to me. There's steps, in therapy, that are important for a victim to work through. The hows and whys, this has happened, and how to reach an emotional level, to not place oneself into another abusive pattern.

Which leads me back, to, why are you still in contact with a person, that continues to treat you like this? Do you have kids with him, or something shared?

[Nightside of Eden]

Bipolar is absolutely no excuse for that kind of emotional abuse. My fiance has BP 1 and I have BP 2 and neither of us have ever been abusive towards each other, even at our very worst. Sure, we (especially me) get irritable and snap at each other. I do on very rare occasions get some of the bipolar rage issues, but even then there are limits, because I'm basically a good person and not an abuser.

No mental illness is an excuse for abuse. Period.

[nicoleflynn]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans should be required reading for everyone on the planet, I believe. Abusive words shred the soul. With verbal abuse ALONE, the brain can physically change. I wrote a paper on the subject and have brain images which show that....words can lift you up or shred your soul. Abuse is a choice