[Jenn1fer82]

I ended up becoming someone's rebound one night stand and I am not proud of myself whatsoever. I feel I'm only punishing myself for making such a horrible mistake and not setting up my standards high enough to stop this relationship in time. Every time I see him I'm only reminded of my mistakes and I feel I only continue to beat myself up over and over again. I wished he would have liked me enough to want to date me like he said he would but once he got what he wanted he just wanted to be friends. I'm not as angry at him anymore because I understand I have to take responsibility for my part in the relationship so now I'm left with myself and I'm just so ashamed. The warning signs were there and I thought I was doing everything right but I bought into his words and believe it could be possible and once it was over and done with I haven't heard from him sense. I wish we could carry on the friendship but its not possible. Now all I think about are my mistakes and I'm having such a difficult time forgiving myself and even caring about myself. Its another let down in my life that its so embarrassing. We have the same group of friends so its been difficult to avoid him and the memories of my mistakes. I wish I could get an apology from him but it would never happen. I wish he could have stood by his verbal intentions and wanted to date me but that would never happen. I feel my mistakes have marked me. I really don't feel good about myself and so foolish.

[Umm_kelly]

That's horrible. I'm so sorry.

[Pomegranate]

(((((Jen)))))

You made a mistake of trusting someone you shouldn't have. We all do that. He made the worse mistake of lying to you, or at least not being honest to himself about his own feelings and intentions. We all do that also. That's not excusing his behavior, that's an explanation. Sex is an area that's fills most people with alot of guilt and shame, unnecessarily. Sex is part of being human.

Stop beating yourself up over a very human desire of wanting to feel close and loved by someone. But learn from that mistake to pay more attention to the signs you say were there. Also maybe try taking more time to get to know someone, to make sure they really can be trusted. That is always a good idea before you start a sexual relationship. If someone is going to end a relationship because you are not going fast enough in the sex department, chances are that's not a relationship you want to keep, or place your trust in, anyway.

Don't bother with hoping for an apology. If that should happen, it would be very good for you, but don't expect it or try to elicit one from him. And if he makes an apology but then trys for more sex, I wouldn't go there either. There's the old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Hold your head high. Don't go around your friends acting like you have the scarlet letter written all over you. You made an honest mistake by being trusting and looking for love and affection. What is so terrible about that? And you learned that jumping into sex in the hopes of starting a dating relationship, of getting love and affection, is putting the cart before the horse.

Forgive yourself. Take better care of yourself from now on.

As for him, he's not worth hurting yourself over. He's at least immature and clueless as to how he feels, what his intentions are and who he is. At worst he is untrustworthy, a liar and a predator. Why feel bad about HIS problems?

[I_WMD]

This may be a dif way to think about it , and abstract to say the least ,,,, But ya said it was a * rebound * thingy ?,,,
Even though you at this time feel used ? Do you really believe this was this guys total and only intent ? S E X ?

I am a bit old ,,, but I found that sex does not equal love . Love is Much More caring , than physical feeling .

IMO.
WMD.

[AdamAW]

There's no point in crying over spilt milk, as the saying goes.

What's done is done.

You did nothing all that wrong - you just demonstrated naievity. That's something to learn from, not something to feel terrible about.

We all make mistakes. The trick is to try to learn from them.

So pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and step out into the sunshine with your head hight!

[Irine]

heck i want to RELPY and press THANKS instead

I know how hard it is to be fooled and to forgive yourself

But you will get over it - thats how we are - must be yng and stupid before becoming old and wise- now you are old and wise

i know how you feel

I am so sorry that happened to you
He is the one who shoulld feel like a fool-not many woman want a one
night stand
Each day it might get easier-I hope so-

[valexand]

I could not resist replying to this one!
Jennifer, I did the same thing. Exactly the same. If you go back to old posts you'll find one called "Made myself a booty call?".
I was lonely (years alone), I was inexperienced, totally naive, partially angry at some guy that had dumped me ages ago, dazzled by the dude's good looks and I had hit 31. I knew that this man would never "see" me. I was soooo not his type (he goes for models). I KNEW what his plans were for me. During those moments when things were unraveling I thought to myself 1) how many times will a gorgeous guy like this come along? 2) when will I ever get to experience human contact again? 3) maybe this "pretend" affection might "feed" me for the following years 4) Mr Right ain't coming 5) 31 and no prospects...........and so........I caved.
Seriously, I had no regrets....the first time. I actually felt like a winner. But my mistake came later....because the following week he called me again. I should've said "no". But his call made me think that maybe he felt something for me. I thought that maybe he had "noticed" me. This was a first for me, I really had no clue that a person can be so cruel. Obsiously, the second time he really made me feel like a bathroom toilet. The experience was humiliating especially with the speed with which he dressed up and left. Seriously, as if he was done from using a toilet. Horrible.

I find that these people are the ones who should walk around feeling embarrassed. Not us. Single women with low self-esteem are perfect victims for these guys. As I said I knew what he was up to. The power of my lonelyness and feeling worthless got the best of me. Oh and you should see how things were at work....because yes...he was a collegue. Aweful! I was walking around feeling embarrassed. I felt as if everybody knew.

Stop feeling bad. This guy is one of the many who use others for their benefit. I'm afraid to say that these guys are the majority. One must be careful and pay attention to their actions NOT their words. They will say a million nice things till they get what they want. Some of them will even date you 3-4-5 times just to "get there". It's just messy. I'd be lying if I were to tell you that I know now how to spot them.

This is what I've done: I've started excersising. I go running in the evenings, I go swimming and I bike. I've also started to eat healthier and I'm visiting a doctor to help me treat my acne (cause I've got THAT too). It's helping somewhat with the self-esteem, but not sooo much because I'm still single. I think if guys were to notice me a bit, I wouldn't care at all about the jerks I've met. Maybe in time this might happen. The good thing thought is that running, swimming and all that helps me to not think about him or other horrible people that I've met. For 2-3 hours within my day I take a brain-vacation. Try it out. Maybe this might help you too.

Wow, long response! Anyway, good luck with recovering.

[Gabi925]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

I ended up becoming someone's rebound one night stand and I am not proud of myself whatsoever. I feel I'm only punishing myself for making such a horrible mistake and not setting up my standards high enough to stop this relationship in time. Every time I see him I'm only reminded of my mistakes and I feel I only continue to beat myself up over and over again. I wished he would have liked me enough to want to date me like he said he would but once he got what he wanted he just wanted to be friends. I'm not as angry at him anymore because I understand I have to take responsibility for my part in the relationship so now I'm left with myself and I'm just so ashamed. The warning signs were there and I thought I was doing everything right but I bought into his words and believe it could be possible and once it was over and done with I haven't heard from him sense. I wish we could carry on the friendship but its not possible. Now all I think about are my mistakes and I'm having such a difficult time forgiving myself and even caring about myself. Its another let down in my life that its so embarrassing. We have the same group of friends so its been difficult to avoid him and the memories of my mistakes. I wish I could get an apology from him but it would never happen. I wish he could have stood by his verbal intentions and wanted to date me but that would never happen. I feel my mistakes have marked me. I really don't feel good about myself and so foolish.

Would you prefer to spend all your life in dreams and never acting? When we can't reason enough about a situation we have to practice and learn and know how the things could go next time. As long as we do not harm others and not even us on purpose ... is a mistake to try and see what's happening when acting instead of dreaming of? I think what are you doing now is a mistake: to punish yourself and keep on suffering for just trying in that situation to learn something by experience. Probably you weren't yet prepared to evaluate the situation by reasoning. Now you know. Is it bad to know? Have you paid a greater price for your lesson - other than you pride? I understand that no! Then thank him for the lesson and head up! :-)

Hi There,
I hope you dont mind me contacting you but i have been reading the post you put on here about regretting a one night stand and the feeling of feeling used afterwards,i realise the post is a few years old now,but this recently happened to me,and like you did,i keep punishing myself for making the mistake of trusting someone who i thought liked me.....

I have been in a deppression about it for a while,he has made me feel cheap and used and i just dont know how to get out of feeling this way,how did you cope with it in the end????

I hope you dont mind contacting you like this,but everything you discribed is what exactly what im feeling now ,I would be grateful for any advice you can give me