[nummy]

I'll get used to it...again. Is this typical, though? For family to insist you stay in touch with them, then punish you for admitting you're having issues?

What can I do??

They got mad when I pointed this pattern out. But it's happened before. When I'm telling them all is well, there "so proud of me", when I tell them I'm scared, don't know what's going on, it's:"go tell your shrink". Then--silence.

[nummy]

I feel like I'm a part of an experiment to see how much I can take.

[eskielover]

I would say you need to be the one that cuts them out of your life....you don't need that kind of crap from family.....or from anyone as for that matter. People who treat you like that need to be purged out of your life.

Then take the time to get yourself together WITHOUT THEM.....& then go on with your life not having to deal with those kinds of things.

Honestly there is NO family that is worth having to put up with that kind of treatment......be strong & just ignore they exist.....going off & having your successful life without them will prove just how bad they really were & really show them that you didn't NEED them or the bad way they treated you.

[nummy]

I respect these people, they have done a lot to help me in the past. I want to improve communications, but I can't do that If they cut me off.

Fircthe moment I have them blocked. So I don't accidentally tell them I need them . It's a knife, this rejection stuff.

I love them and miss talking to them...

[eskielover]

when I tell them I'm scared, don't know what's going on

What are you scared about & what is it you don't know what's going on?

I love them and miss talking to them...

you miss having them treat you like an experiment,?
you miss having them punish you for telling them you have issues?

If we don't make choices in our life to keep away those people who are abusive in our life......we only end up miserable. When we do it over & over expecting different results.....that's what is termed insanity.

Sometimes we have to make tough choices in our life...especially when our own well being is at stake.

[mentalgirl48]

Family isn't always the best support group.. In fact they can't really make things worse. I've disowned my family for that very reason. When I had a job and was successful they were comfortable with me.. Then when things went to ****.. They said I deserved it and shut the door on my face..
Don't feel bad about it. They don't deserve you..

Originally Posted by nummy

I'll get used to it...again. Is this typical, though? For family to insist you stay in touch with them, then punish you for admitting you're having issues?

What can I do??

They got mad when I pointed this pattern out. But it's happened before. When I'm telling them all is well, there "so proud of me", when I tell them I'm scared, don't know what's going on, it's:"go tell your shrink". Then--silence.

[Rose3]

Hi nummy - maybe it would help if there is a bit more distance from them for a while. So that you don't have to cut them out entirely, but so that you can include them when you are ready to do so. And for yourself - sometimes there is better support from others (maybe here on the forum, or a therapist or counsellor) - others who realize the importance of listening to you and trying to understand what is happening in your life and experience. It can be an uncomfortable sense of loss to make the decision to turn away from one's family - especially if there are aspects of support from them at times. On the other hand - it can be an experience of intense relief to cut out the people who cause you turmoil (even when it's your family). So - if you are not yet ready to make a final decision - then allow yourself to take a pause from them (at your own pace). Maybe tell them that you're on a retreat for a while, and you'll be in touch eventually (allow yourself the time that you need).

[nummy]

Originally Posted by Rose3

Hi nummy - maybe it would help if there is a bit more distance from them for a while. So that you don't have to cut them out entirely, but so that you can include them when you are ready to do so. And for yourself - sometimes there is better support from others (maybe here on the forum, or a therapist or counsellor) - others who realize the importance of listening to you and trying to understand what is happening in your life and experience. It can be an uncomfortable sense of loss to make the decision to turn away from one's family - especially if there are aspects of support from them at times. On the other hand - it can be an experience of intense relief to cut out the people who cause you turmoil (even when it's your family). So - if you are not yet ready to make a final decision - then allow yourself to take a pause from them (at your own pace). Maybe tell them that you're on a retreat for a while, and you'll be in touch eventually (allow yourself the time that you need).

Omg...where were you when I cranked out and told them, "I'll try and see if I can squeeze in a text sometime in February!"

[nummy]

Update: we are speaking again, but I am treading lightly on the paranoid stuff.

[Fuzzybear]

[nummy]

Thanks, Fuzzy. You have no idea how much I needed that hug.