[Tattinka]

Hello "out there"

Recently I was diagnosed with BPD. I'm a highly functional adult but my life has little joy. Primarily because my intimate relationships, friends or lovers crumble when they get to a certain point of closeness which is the 2nd date or when I let some one see how I am really feeling on the inside. Most of my emotional strength is spent hiding how much pain I am in. Has anyone else had this experience? I crave love and closeness like anyone but even my cat pulls away and gets cranky when I let my guard down. At my wits end, any conversation to be had "out there"?

Tattinka

I feel pretty much the same way. I'm not quite sure what's "wrong" with me though, although I am always depressed to a certain extent and I have pretty bad anxiety. And I can't even get to the second date. Hell, I only get a first date every few years it seems. No one wants to think of me like that. I think it's my personality because I'm physically attractive. And I tend to be too honest too soon when I feel safe around someone.

[luckynumber13]

I have been married several times and I am realizing that my jealousy is a major problem, I try to control it but I always feel inferior to other women....don't know if this is your problem or not ....It sucks because I actually come off as being very sure of myself and do better with my self esteem when I am not in a relationship, but I like being in one....I also tend to be toooooo honest right upfront,,,,

[Rose76]

I feel like I recognize this somewhat. I've been so socially phobic all my life that I think I sometimes lack the experience to know what is "too much information" when I do let down the guard.

I think the best favor we can do ourselves is to try and learn from the responses we get. Maybe be a little less forthcoming. Tattinka, maybe cultivate a bit more of an air of mystery and let the person you are with work harder to draw you out. Then don't quite share everything that you may be burning to share. There comes a point in a close relationship where people do share a lot, but that point is not reached on the 2nd date. I haven't got it all figured out myself, but I'm working on it.

[JadeAmethyst]

I agree with Rose76. There is a fine line in TMI, in work, sex, friendship, school. A friend of mine was this way with me when I first met her 12 years ago. We are still friends, yet at times I DO speak up and let her know this is too much information, and intimate details....that I am not wanting to know about.
I also understand that if you play the "mysterious woman" and then flood a person with the "real" you they will run far and fast, because they really were misled in the beginning.
This is not advice per se, just some things I have noticed with living with others in general. Whether personality or not, we are just people, making an effort to get along.
Don't be so eager to settle for less than what you truly deserve in life or with others.
I hope this makes some sense.
Jade

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like nothing drives away a guy faster than sharing feelings. It just seems that you're better off always answering "I'm fine" when they ask how you are (or even "I'm great!") and just talking about how you feel with your friends. Maybe a guy cares and wants to know how a girl feels several months into the relationship, but they certainly don't on the first date. And probably not for the second, third, etc. All I've heard is you're not supposed to say anything remotely negative on dates. I guess we're supposed to just be 100% perfect in every way in order to get a second date (or a third date).

[Fuzzybear]

[BonnieG2010]

i felt that way too and my personal experience is that it all starts from the inside.

when i learned to accept myself, to be my friend, to be on my side the judgement of others counted very little.
not attaching that much importance to what they thought of me made me more relaxed and the relationship a lot easier.
i waited for others to accept me, in order to accept myself and to see myself thru their eyes.
terrible mistake.

so i'd like to ask you this question: how is your relationship with yourself?