Friend with borderline personality

I have a friend with BPD and for the past few weeks her mood swings have been very, very intense. I've been as supportive of her as possible, but I feel like the role she's asking me to play is less "friend" and more "therapist," and I know that I can't fix things for her, and the stuff she's been telling me is increasingly concerning. She has a boyfriend she's known for two months who she thinks she's going to marry, who she's spent about $1000 on thus far. She expects him to buy her an amethyst for Valentine's Day and if he doesn't do that, she says then she'll probably leave him because it will prove that he doesn't love her. But the other day she also told me that if he left her or if I left her (since we're really the only two people in her life she can trust; her parents are abusive and she doesn't have other friends), she would be suicidal.

I told her that she needed to talk to her therapist about this, but she says her therapist doesn't listen to her or care about her, so I told her I would ask my therapist for a referral, which I did. When I gave her the referral, she got upset at me and told me to stop trying to change her because she's perfect just the way she is and she doesn't need a therapist. I reminded her of what she'd said about her boyfriend or me leaving and told her I was worried about her and cared about her which is why I wanted her to get the help she needed; she then told me to "leave" and "abandon [her] like everyone else". I told her that wasn't what I was saying but that I was scared that this was going to hurt our friendship because she needs some things I can't give her.

She said it doesn't matter if both of us leave, she doesn't care, everyone leaves, I'm a terrible person, everyone is terrible, everyone hurts her, and so on...(a week ago, she was telling me that if she doesn't marry her boyfriend, she wants to marry me because I am "perfect" and "sexy" and "brilliant" and continued to say it over and over even when I told her it was bothering me and it was a boundary for me and please stop). So finally I said that I care about her very much and I really want to help her, but if she can't take some action to help herself, I can't stay in this relationship.

To which she said I was such a fake friend (regardless of all the times I talked to her at 2 in the morning when she was upset about her co-workers or her boyfriend or her parents or whoever, and the fact that I offered my apartment to her if she wanted to come stay with me after her mom hit her once, and the fact that I have been there for her pretty much 24/7 ever since I've known her - which is why it's too much for me now and I'm past my limit). And then she started calling me selfish and a snob and a narcissist and telling me I treated her like a ***** and I'm crazy and she deserves better...to which I just said she was treating me really badly right now and that's not acceptable and I'm not going to put up with it.

So I think this friendship is over...which I'm fine with; I've been thinking of ending it for months because it's been taking a toll on me emotionally and her mood swings are just so intense, going from "I love you" to "I hate you" to "If you ever leave me, I will ruin your life/kill myself." I'm just worried that she might actually try to hurt herself - I know she has a HUGE fear of abandonment and I know it's not my fault, but I feel like I made it worse.

Youre doing all the right things, as you already know.

does she know shes borderline?

I mentioned that to her...it's not an official diagnosis, but she agrees that it fits her to a T.

well then it seems she doesnt want any help/isnt ready for it so keep ur distance. maybe when she loses u and most likely the bf she will realize how sick she is and hat her attitude is far from perfect. remember ur not responsible for anyone's health and u do need to protect urself or u might aggravate ur own probs. tc

I disagree.. but idk.

What do you disagree about?

I speak from personal experience. I have Bpd too. I, at times get that way
w my frenz .. but mainly my bf whoever? My friends support me. They take
into consideration my illness, but they let me know. Hey , ur being moody.
They never just give up on me and walk away. I know ppl w this illness
need help, but if ur truly a friend, maybe walk away for a few days, then
maybe see how they r, if u really were concerned.. Bpd is not an excuse, but
true friends never cease.

I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. diregard my retarded opinion

To me, there are limits even for true friends. When her behavior is impacting my emotional health and she's refusing to get help for it, I need to recognize my own boundaries and put my own health first. I can't be in a relationship with someone who turns on a dime like that, who one day is attacking me verbally and the next day is physically clinging to me and will not respect my physical or emotional boundaries. (Like constantly touching my hair or giving me kisses, which I've told her many times I'm not comfortable with, or insisting that we're going to get married someday and refusing to drop the subject, or asking me for $400 and berating me when I refuse to give it to her after she went out for a $150 with her boyfriend the night before.) I have limits.

wtf? she plays games with u???

She "tests" me. I know it's because of her insecurities and I get where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean I need to put up with it to the detriment of my own mental health.

I apologize. ur right.

sorry but hitting on u when she has a bf is fu.cked up.. i think u have put up more than enough. walk away

Why test u tho?? ya'll are not together. hmm.. strange. ur right ur boundaries
have def been crossed. sorry

She wants to make sure I won't leave her...I warned her in the past that testing to see if people will leave her is actually what will make people want to leave her...self-fulfilling prophecies and all. She can't see it.

yea, she does sound like alot more than one can take.
walk away.

Got that right!!!