[SickOfSadness]

I just don't know how to feel right now. I have this really great boyfriend, he loves me so so much. I am diagnosed with bipolar 2 & he knows about it and what's to do nothing but help me and be with me. It's tough to be in a relationship while being BP. He just wants to love me and be cuddly and I feel like it's too much sometimes. I seem to just want to push him away and idk why. It makes me sad & question everything (like if I even love him like I should). I feel like any woman would love to have a man like him and that I should be grateful and happy.
Ugh, I dont what my problem is. I kind of feel like I can't love him like he deserves be loved and that upsets me. He is so good to me.
We broke up twice and each time he said that he had this gut wrenching pain b/c we weren't together. I didn't feel that way. Is that wrong? I feel like if I really love him, I should feel different than I do...
I get really frustrated with him because I think he's a bit childish when it comes to certain things. And that is part of the problem. I feel like he's too clingy sometimes, I expressed that to him & he told me that that was '******'. When I don't hold him or rub his head, or give him a good enough kiss (when im crabby) he kind of whines about it & its really annoying to me & makes me not want to be affectionate even more.
Sorry about rambling, I just don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel like a terrible person right now. :-(

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[SickOfSadness]

I don't know if how I'm feeling is partly from my disorder or if I'm just putting up a wall or if I just don't feel like I love him like I thought I did. Ugh, I'm so confused :-(

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[Roblovescats]

My experience has been that I allowed someone to guilt me into staying in a relationship where I was not happy or satisfied. I was being convinced that she was unpleasant towards me because it was my fault. I was not successful enough to take care of her the way she desired so I was not worthy. She couldn't love me the way I needed because I didn't give her what she needed. So I worked for years to become better and more successful but falling short partly due to my bipolar. Well... Here's my two cents... Don't let someone else that you care about bf gf family whatever have the power to guilt you into feeling like a terrible person for wanting something else. He may be a great guy... But if he's not right for you then you're going to end up resenting him and treating him badly. Just my thoughts. For you to decide. It's often hard to do the right thing... I still haven't

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~

I am diagnosed BP2 aswell and I could have written much of your post myself.

I love my boyfriend, but he could do better than a crazy chick. I dont understand his love for me. He is cuddly and extremely supportive, but I find I get annoyed at him for his childish things. He also likes attention and when Im feeling crappy and want to be alone, he misses me. Then I feel guilty cos I dont miss him. I feel like he deserves someone who could love him like he loves me. I do love him, really really do. But I feel like Im starting to drive him away with my negativity.

[Roblovescats]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I am diagnosed BP2 aswell and I could have written much of your post myself.

I love my boyfriend, but he could do better than a crazy chick. I dont understand his love for me. He is cuddly and extremely supportive, but I find I get annoyed at him for his childish things. He also likes attention and when Im feeling crappy and want to be alone, he misses me. Then I feel guilty cos I dont miss him. I feel like he deserves someone who could love him like he loves me. I do love him, really really do. But I feel like Im starting to drive him away with my negativity.

Guys are childish... And we desire attention...It's who we are. And we do miss our lovely ladies when they are away from us. We need them. Sadly women don't want to be needed. They want men who don't want them. Men on the other hand... We like being needed. We like to be helpful and fix things. I don't think you are crazy and I think that the difference between you and bf is normal for all relationships involving a man and woman. We have different needs. I don't think it's strange that you feel that way or that he is the way he is...

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~

[SickOfSadness]

I kind of feel like I'm the man in the relationship b/c of the attention and affection thing. He gets upset & I can see it in his eyes & that makes me sad.

I just really don't know what to do. He's such a good guy & really wants to make us work, and I do too. I feel like I'm selfish for staying with him seeing how I'm questioning if I really love him or not. I guess I'm kind of hoping that its the disorder making me feel this way. Is that wrong? I guess I kind of have a problem with not wanting to hurt people's feelings sometimes (especially in a relationship). I'm so confused!

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Perhaps you have this upside-down??? Maybe you are fine and it is he that is not good enough for you.

Just one "useless" persons opinion.

[Roblovescats]

Maybe it is the disorder maybe not. Either way I see you making the same mistake I am STILL making. Not wanting to hurt someone else and sacrifice our own happiness just to avoid it. If you don't love him let him down sooner than later. Been with mine for over twenty years wishing to get away every minute. Is it too late? I have kids now. When do you do the hard thing and care about yourself instead of being in a resentful lie of a relationship. Do you think you are doing him a favor by staying with him? Do you think you will Grow to love him? I can assure you all you are going to do is grow to hate him and yourself. This is not my opinion ... It is my experience... My regret!!!

~Sent from Dark Side of the Moon~