Wanting to socialize, but not really.

I don't know if it's because of my illness or if I genuinely don't want to talk to people.
My issues stem from being ignored/ talked over/ having my feelings trivialized etc. during childhood and now.
At home I find myself not wanting to talk/ be talked to. I hardly talk to others online because I don't understand social things and what's acceptable.
I had a best friend that after I moved away I kept in contact with. We constantly got in arguments and she'd tell me I was angry or something when I wasn't, and I'd get angry after her insisting.
Recently I (non offensively, calmy and respectfully) called someone out on a social website for being ableist. We had a back and forth until they said "I would love for you to explain. .. I am not trying to be an ***** I want to see your point of view" and when I responded respectfully again, they made a post saying they were tired of me and I was deliberately misunderstanding and twisting their words. A *somewhat* similar event happened on here. I don't know how to deal with it.
I'm being told that I'm twisting peoples words and mis-construing things when I understand what they said completely, especially when I'm educated about the issue, and I always try to respond respectfully. It may not seem like much, but I truly feel horrible about it.
When it happens it reminds me of being emotionally abused and criticized, and my brain can't tell the difference if I am or not.

I genuinely want to connect with people and make friends, but things like this make me want to give up.
I'm not seeing my t right now for communication issues@, and wonder if there's a class or something I can do to get better with this.

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Wouldn't a class be great?! I also struggle with wanting to be more social on a theoretical level, but quickly changing my mind when I start to do it in the real world. When you grow up in a dysfunctional household, it's hard to figure out what 'normal' relationships look like.

I am tired of trying to make friends, people just don't get me, I don't want to explain. I am tired of hearing you look mad, or negative when I am looking normal. I am tired of being stabbed in the back by people who said they were friends. It goes all the way back to elementary when people would talk about me and I had no idea why? Sometimes I think there were things going on with my parents and it reflected down to me and I just don't know what they were. If people would look past whatever it is that they think they see and get to know me instead they would find one of the most loyal friends ever. But then that is where I can't set boundaries and wanting to help everyone. SO, I am at the point of giving up period and live alone.

There are many online situations that can result in our words being misconstrued, as you've noticed - I figure it's because so much is actually missing - such as tone of voice, facial expression, etc. - so that a person's interpretation of written words ends up reflecting the reader's attitude (which might be different from the attitude of the writer). Therefore, it can result in written words not resulting in very effective communication. Nevertheless, it can be valuable opportunities to try to express oneself (online). So, try not to take things too personally when using online.

Ditto, Rose

I have a similar problem. I don't really have friends as well. But I really do want to have a few! So I try, a lot. And it works, for a limited period of time. Untill I can't hide my true colors anymore. And then I end up pushing them away before they can get close enough to hurt my feelings. I'm just SUPER cautious because I don't trust anyone.

Hope a therapist or a class can help with this issue, because it is HARD to be on your own all the time!