[mulan]

During many time I thought that having a boyfriend would be something good to me. I dreamed about that, about being loved, understood and able to trust someone.
But, ye, right! I came to a point where I understand I'm not good for anyone. I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to give that impression...And specially I don't want anybody to like me in that way...It just won't work.
I made myself comfortable with the idea that I will be alone for ever, that I will be single all my life. I guess it's for the best.
But in the end it makes me feel down, of course everybody wants love, and I did want it very much. But in some way it's impossible for me to be hearthless, I wish I could.

I don't think you should give up on love because you don't think you're good enough. There are plenty of other reasons to decide not to give your heart to someone but self worth is most definitely not one of them.

At the same time don't rush yourself though. Get in a relationship when you're ready, not when you're lonely. For example, I know I'm definitely not ready for a relationship right now. I'm too busy trying to focus on myself and beat my depression but eventually when I'm feeling better I'll start looking Don't give up~

[mulan]

Originally Posted by keeprolling

I don't think you should give up on love because you don't think you're good enough. There are plenty of other reasons to decide not to give your heart to someone but self worth is most definitely not one of them.

At the same time don't rush yourself though. Get in a relationship when you're ready, not when you're lonely. For example, I know I'm definitely not ready for a relationship right now. I'm too busy trying to focus on myself and beat my depression but eventually when I'm feeling better I'll start looking Don't give up~

It seems like you were the only person, that could find something to say to me.
I'm not basing my decision just in self worth, also in self awareness, I'm the mess I am. I'm my insecurity, in the shame I feel about my self, in the rejection feeling I can't avoid, in me not being able to help anyone. I don't have nothing to say in the real world, I can't keep a conversation going on, and I'm allways thinking "what should I say next, what topic should I bring in". I'm a listener, I don't have stories or a life to tell, I don't have a life to share...and even it goes away I know I will find lots of "flaws" to be ashamed about. I fear almost any kind of intimacy with real people. And yes, I'm not good enough for the ones I get interested in...rich ones, living their lifes with liberty, given all that they want, house's that have maids, dinners and lunches following all the rules...and me, well, I don't want to start...but they called me lazy all my life.
When my school mates in the 5th grade, I mean, all my class mates, played games like truth and consequence and reunite themselves in all the breaks to play those sort of things...I was not the only that was kept asside, but I was the only one that didn't know, because nobody wanted me there. I mean those were just stupid, childish games indeed...one day my mother told me, I just let you have a boyfriend when I enter college, I was so little at that time, but I take one thing out of it and out of other things she told me...love is forbidden, every feeling you might have is just yours, if they know by what mean, they would lectured me, yelled at me, forbidden me. And what my mother thought about me during my teenage years, because she was reading my stuff I had hiden, she's paranoid, so she thought I was anging around like promiscue girl. Me? Really?
I just know I will be single, I don't need to quit on love, I need to prevent myself from hurting myself and someone else. I will never rush, I will run away.
But still, I hope you find someone that completes you. Really.

[River11]

Hey mulan, just saw your post and while I don't feel clear enough right now to offer anything eloquent, I would like to say for whatever it may be worth that I believe there is a genuinely caring, understanding match for everyone and that you will, when it's right, find someone who gets you and is helped by your listening ear and other personal gifts. Like the other poster said, it may not be time yet but you certainly don't need to give up!

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[healingme4me]

Being single, is a choice. Being single, you can find things to enjoy on your own.
If finding someone to give love to, and receiving it, isn't something you want to do, then, why is the posting not coming across as self accepting of your decision?

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[mulan]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Being single, is a choice. Being single, you can find things to enjoy on your own.
If finding someone to give love to, and receiving it, isn't something you want to do, then, why is the posting not coming across as self accepting of your decision?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

You made me feel silly with your question.
Thinking about it, that doesn't make many sense...why every people have to follow the same paths, why getting into adulthood means to setel down and build a family? It's surely a biological, cultural and irrational thing... but I can deny that for almost every people to be 'happy' is having someone by their side. In my way I'm a lonly person. But I like love and care, I like to be loved and cared. But there are always two sides, what you recieve and what you can give. And what can I give in many different ways? Nothing. Nobody is perfect but I'm completly sure the 'good' things I have aren't enough and never will be. It toke me sometime to understand that, but I did. I'm pretty sure nobody that I like will like me if they know me well...the funny part is that nobody can come close enough to at least know a little bit about me. So the best I can do and I can be, is stop being selfish about love and recognize it. But I'm tired of sociaty's pressure, everybody in their long term relationships just waiting for graduation to be a new family... I'm tired of my family's pressure. And I can't be imune to love, where it is a good or a bad thing. I can't predict my future, if someday I will have real friends to fill my live. So this is my choice, I'm just not sure if this is another solution to unhappiness.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by mulan

You made me feel silly with your question.
Thinking about it, that doesn't make many sense...why every people have to follow the same paths, why getting into adulthood means to setel down and build a family? It's surely a biological, cultural and irrational thing... but I can deny that for almost every people to be 'happy' is having someone by their side. In my way I'm a lonly person. But I like love and care, I like to be loved and cared. But there are always two sides, what you recieve and what you can give. And what can I give in many different ways? Nothing. Nobody is perfect but I'm completly sure the 'good' things I have aren't enough and never will be. It toke me sometime to understand that, but I did. I'm pretty sure nobody that I like will like me if they know me well...the funny part is that nobody can come close enough to at least know a little bit about me. So the best I can do and I can be, is stop being selfish about love and recognize it. But I'm tired of sociaty's pressure, everybody in their long term relationships just waiting for graduation to be a new family... I'm tired of my family's pressure. And I can't be imune to love, where it is a good or a bad thing. I can't predict my future, if someday I will have real friends to fill my live. So this is my choice, I'm just not sure if this is another solution to unhappiness.

I think I see, what you mean. Why do those around you, find it necessary to pressure you, into wanting something that you don't feel you want, nor feel that you can give?
Nothing unusual for various people, on this planet, to desire to not walk down the already, beaten path.

Happiness and Unhappiness, can be such silly subjective terms.

One can be in a relationship, yet not happy; not necessarily unhappy with the relationship, just life in general, right? Or apathetic about the universe, yet, functioning within a relationship. Just like the idea in life, that being wealthy, one would be happy? And what is the happiness measurement? Who determines that? What about the woman, who is content with marriage, but discontent about the thought of raising children? Who says, to be married, means to bear children? What about the lifelong bachelor or bachelorette? It's just a different choice, in living ones life, that is all.