[Haunted1]

So, for those of you who have read my other post you'll know that my problem lies with my boyfriends little brother whom I raised as a son for most of his life and his new girlfriend who has shut me out of his life.

For those who don't know a quick flash back. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now and in those 8 years I raised his brother whom he had custody of as a son. Doctors appointments, School, Homework, School Functions, Driving license, clothes shopping, washing clothes, cooking dinner, school drop offs and pick ups. My life consisted of everything a mothers would bar nothing, except for the genetic element.

He has health problems which were severe enough we have spent weekends in hospitals, and he's been involved in one car accident they didn't think he would survive and one serious work injury that they thought would cost him his arm. Through all these trials I was there without a single complaint, sleeping on hospital floors, sitting up with him at midnight while he was sick from the medicine and I've seen him safely through three major surgeries.

My "Son"s name is Josh, My boyfriends name is Marc. When Josh decided that he and a few of his friends wanted to get into fourwheeler racing I supported him 100%. The first year wasn't great many wrecks and all last place finishes but I kept pushing him to keep trying. I not only supplied him with a brand new fourwheeler *Effectively Maxing out my credit card* I supply his parts, gear, hotel rooms, registration, rides to and from, gas and snacks. I did it all and was happy to he's very talented.

Recently he began dating a girl named Emily, at first I was skeptical about her there were things I didn't like she's been around a few times and even my son before they were dating said she was an easy lay. He's only 21 and he's never had a girlfriend of any sort. She's 20 and had several boyfriends, she's lived with other men, she's had a few miscarriages, she has an underage drinking problem and admitted to me she has tried drugs. In fact I once picked her up at an ex boyfriends house where she had been smoking pot, she's also a highschool drop out with no job and no desire to go to college and doesn't even have a learners permit.

I don't think I'm better than her at all and I realize that we all have flaws, Lord knows I do, but this is not how my son was raised. We went to church on sunday, he was raised not to have sex with just anyone but to wait for someone special. Not marriage exactly because I'm not that old fashioned but someone who deserves you, He was taught not to do drugs, or drink. He doesn't swear at all I've never even hear him say Oh my God and she drops the EFF bomb very often. My son is a hard worker and a highschool graduate. My boyfriend is a highschool graduate working at a garage to pay to get his truckers license, and I am in college.

I was skeptical about her but for my son gave her a chance. Despite the things I mentioned above she took it to the next level. With in weeks of them dating she insisted she would move in with him or he with her. I put my foot down about it. I admit that I told her straight out that would NOT be happening and I told him he was raised better, he agreed and told her that he wasn't doing that because he didn't want me and his brother to be upset.

That started it anytime she and I were around each other while I tried to be civil she was blatantly rude. She insulted my schooling often saying I was stupid and couldn't make it, She insulted my sense of music taste often, my taste in movies always got her flipping out, she would come into my house and cut me down a million ways because I like to read. I read 3 to 5 books a week, she admitted to me once she can't read. She would tell me constantly that I was boring and stupid for reading. I pushed this away.

One day she found out that do to many health problems I'm not able to have children....that was the perfect ammo and was thrown in my face very often that she's had miscarriages while I've never even conceived. I told her that I didn't believe in having children out of wedlock and that I was waiting until my boyfriend and I were married and I out of college, we weren't trying, but the doctors said not to bother.

Another day she texted me wanting to know where I put her "Personal Products" I said that they were in the bathroom right where I told her I had put them when she brought them to the house she said oh that the house was ripped apart, I wasn't home and assumed she was being funny. When I got home to my room all my dresser drawers were open and my clothes were pulled out. Several shirts are still missing.

When she saw this hurt she went out to the one thing that killed me my son. She would tell me daily several times via text that he hated me, that he made fun of me behind my back, that he wished I'd die, that he was mad that I helped him with races, that he didn't want me at his races and he didn't want me in his life. I blocked her on texting me and my boyfriend sat down with my son, he explained that she wasn't the right fit and had been saying cruel things he also told my son she wasn't welcome in my house anymore. My son denied saying any of it but where he used to come to my house daily he stopped. He recently told my boyfriend that he wasn't welcome at my house and I was mad at him, mortified that he would ever think that I messaged him,

I told him that I loved him more than he'd ever know, that I could never turn my back on him, that he was my life and he was always welcome at my house I also told him I missed him. He never answered me and still won't come to my house. My boyfriend brought it up two days ago saying "Maybe you should come up and spend time with your mom....shes' real sick" My son said he didn't realize I'd been sick my boyfriend said that I was and my son said I miss her too, but Emily wants to come up too she misses mom. My boyfriend said no and my son hasn't mentioned it since.

I am sick on top of a history of heart problems, I have recently developed a stomach problem. I throw up with in twenty minutes of eating and in two months have lost twenty pounds and six jeans sizes. My heart problems have started to act up including, chest pain, migraines, numbness and pain in my left side, dizziness, shortness of breath and extreme exhaustion. I have also began to sleep walk nightly and my hair is falling out. The doctors as of now have no cause.

All these things have gone on for about four months now, My son no longer will see me. In fact I haven't seen him since thanksgiving. Not on his birthday, Christmas, New Years, My birthday or even his brothers birthday. When I text him he won't reply and if we end up at the same place at the same time he won't acknowledge me. Once my boyfriend forced him to come up, he was moody, refused to speak and texted her the entire time he was here and he stayed only a half hour.

I'm hurt beyond reason, and I don't know who I am anymore. For 8 years I've been a mother that's who I was and now I'm not even that.

To add to the sting is our "Race Team" A close group of friends, there is 4 girls not including me and 6 boys including my son and boyfriend. We have known each other for 7 years and been racing together for 2 when my son got a girlfriend the other were ecstatic for him and I was hurt.
When I brought up to the other the things she had done/said to me they told me to stop causing trouble and trying to drag them into it. They said they were staying out of it.

I respected that at first, I told them I was hurt but respected their not wanting in the middle. Recently they have been going out places and taking my sons daughter. Movies, shopping, dinners, parties, riding etc...they take her and they don't invite me anymore at all. At the races they praise her for her hard work and everything she has done when in reality I supply everything.
My son can NOT get hot if he does it could literally kill him on a hot day at the races I bought him a snow cone to keep him cool, he was eating it his girlfriend said something "I don't know what" and he threw it away so she could buy him one. She also constantly sits on his lap and covers him with a blanket...if he gets hot it can kill him and she covers him with a blanket and herself in 80 degree weather.

I told my son the only rule I had with him racing was no passengers on the fourwheeler I said it infront of everyone. He obeyed for the first few races but now if he thinks i'm not watching he hauls her on the back.

My so called friends are always with her and I rarely see them. I told them I'm hurt and I can't be around her I just can't. They have no sympathy.

For the past two years I've done a birthday party at my home for EVERY member of the group. I supply, chips, soda, ice cream, plates, napkins and I bake a cake and decorate it which usually takes 2 to 6 hours. Everyone comes and I've done it all this time she's been around. Recently it was my birthday I got my own cake and etc and invited everyone nobody came. Not one person just my boyfriend, they didn't even call or text to say they couldn't make it. They just didn't come. I was devastated.

This weeked we have a weekend long race once again I made ALL plans and reservations down to the last detail, however I am NOT invited into the pitts. They all get on facebook carrying on about the fun they will all have and not one person asked if I'd be there so I will be in the stands by myself. My boyfriend has to stay in the pitts incase my son gets hurt. so everyone will be together but me. The girls of the group had a party and all got shirts made I wasn't included in that either.

I said that after this weekend I was done. I don't want to be cruel but there's no sense in me going nobody cares if I'm there other than my boyfriend and it's not fun anymore. When I said that I was done and I was taking my fourwheeler back there was a blow up between us all.

My "friends" say that I'm being selfish, I'm acting like a baby, I need to get over it, I just don't want Josh to grow up, I'm a ******, I don't have a heart, and they don't know how I can turn on Josh so easily.

It's hard to walk away but I feel it's killing me to stay I've cried all week about the impending weekend. It also hurts because there was a guy in our group who once called my friend a ***** we kicked him out immediately, there was girl who once made a rude comment of my son we never spoke to her again. They always said "You have a problem with one of us you have a problem with us all" Apparently when it's me being hurt this doesn't count.

I hate to think my friends think I'm immature and a baby about this, but I'm heartbroken and hurt and she doesn't say bad things to them.
I don't know why I'm whining on here except my friends have said they've had enough of my whining about it. They also said I'm ruining the group because I won't get over it.

Get over it.....three words but so harsh.

My relationship with my boyfriend is also struggling, he wants to get married soon, but I don't want my son there and if I don't invite him I know nobody else will come. So in short nobody will come to our wedding, I know it's selfish of me but I just want OUT.
I want nothing to do with any of these people I just want my boyfriend, I find that I don't even care about my son anymore, I don't care if he wrecks or wins in fact I'm hoping he doesn't win because I know if he does he'll worship her for all the things I've done.

Am I being immature? Am I being selfish? or are my feelings justified?

I just want to give up on life. I feel like if I died my boyfriend is the only one that would care and nobody else would even notice. Even when I'm around they don't notice. What's the point in trying when nobody else does?

I've always been loyal to all these people and now they don't care if I live or die as long as they can keep racing with the amazing Emily....I'm just so lost.

[Rose3]

when you want out - does this maybe mean that you desire some distance/space/time - to pause, to breathe, to reflect? To say that you want to give up on life sounds kind of extreme. Is there a more balanced approach for you to create a more satisfactory life?

[Haunted1]

I think by OUT I mean mostly the group, I just I look at all of them and I'm not filled with the feelings I once had. There's no love anymore for any of them.

I want to just throw up my hands and be done with them all 100%. I have plans with them all through the next three months and while they look on with hope, and excitement I look on with regrets at making the plans and misery that I have to go.

A few months ago my best friend in the group and I made plans to go to NY for the day. At the time I was excited but now I don't want to go, I don't want to spend time with her pretending I'm okay and happy. The truth is when I needed her when I called her for help she chose to side with the person who was hurting me, and I know they talk about me when I'm not around as other people have heard them.

My son has been calling wanting me to do stuff, nothing that requires him showing up mind you just stuff I can do for him without him being around, I don't want to. I don't care if he isn't eating at his girlfriends and losing weight he knows I'll feed him if he comes here he chooses not too, I don't care if he needs parts for his fourwheeler to race, even if he wins I won't get any kind of a thanks.

They all just have this little fantasy and they're excited to spend the weekend*This Weekend* all together, but even when making plans of what to do I'm not included unless something needs done.
I don't want to be a part of this anymore, but I can't break ties and keep my boyfriend since he is biologically related to these people. He is torn and so am I and our *friends* have daily pointed out I shouldn't care my son ignores me because we aren't really related. I guess I just thought that maybe I meant more to him than that. I have sacrificed great things to raise him, he ALWAYS came first the one time I needed him to think of me even a little bit he chose to walk away.

It's not that I want to kill myself, I won't do that for the simple fact that I know these people will go to my funeral and pretend to care and I hate that thought, not to mention my son will inherit everything I own and in turn give it to his girlfriend.

I just feel like I'm a sinking ship seconds before it goes down and rather than helping me like friends should they're running. I'm sure it's hard for them when the two of us are arguing but they won't hear my side only hers, and I'm not asking them to shut her out completely, if they'd give us equal treatment I'd understand. She sees them everyday just like I used too and I get a few hours on a Saturday if I'm lucky, my son I haven't seen in weeks.
It's a terrible place to be in when you realize the people you gave your loyalty too have none of their own. The people I cared about most in the world no longer realize I exist and I'm not being pushed aside by someone better looking, someone smarter or richer. I'm being pushed aside by a liar, a *****, a drug addict, and a woman with the education level of a thirteen year old.
Maybe if I was a better mother things would be different. I keep thinking of all the times he'd ask for something and I'd say no. The times were rare, but the times he was sick and watched that movie I hate everyday a few times, I could have done that more.

I think of all the times he stole my clothes and I'd yell at him (I wear mens) Even if I was kidding when I yelled maybe I shouldn't have. All the times he wanted to go to the mall for something stupid and I was busy, or all the times he wanted to play xbox and I wanted to read...maybe I should have said yes, maybe I didn't love him enough I don't know. I just can't figure out where I went wrong that he suddenly wants to be this person that I don't recognize and never see.
I didn't think he'd be single forever, I knew he'd grow up and move on but I never thought that I'd be completely left behind.
I can't have kids of my own this was my only shot and I feel like if he wants to leave me this easily maybe I'm not good at being a mother, and if motherhood is this painful in the end I don't want children of my own.
She admitted to me she got pregnant before when things started getting bad with her other boyfriends and I have no doubt she will now, my only hope is that my sons medical conditions prevent him from getting her pregnant.
Everyone says she's perfect for them and that he's never been happier I wouldn't know since I haven't seen him, but he's coming into a lot of money very soon and I have a fear that's what she's waiting for. She already told me all the stuff he's going to buy her and she wasn't even supposed to know he was getting it.

Nobody will even listen when I try to tell them about this even my friends. I understand they can't do anything, but I just need someone to listen. My boyfriend tries, but it ends in a fight when I say I want out of my sons life completely because his brother is all my boyfriend has, but I don't want him at our wedding, and if I have children which I doubt I don't want him around them. I don't like the person he became, and I don't want her around my children. It may sound harsh but my kids my current son included were raised to be better than the person she is and I don't want my life brought down with hers.

Maybe I am selfish, maybe I'm being a baby and immature, but my feelings are mature, and all I want is for my son to be happy if me leaving completely makes him happy I'll do it, but I can't stick around just to be used and beat down by the people who call me a friend one second then turn their back on me when I need them most.

[Haunted1]

So, I wanted to update what was going on because I need to tell someone.

I spent the weekend away with a few of my friends, my boyfriend and some of his friends my son and his girlfriend, the hotel rooms were in my name and on my credit card I had one rule and one rule only, boys and girls didn't share.
I offered nicely for my sons girlfriend to stay with me and she agreed the day before we left she said absolutely not so I moved her. It was myself and two friends in one room, and 5 girls including my sons girlfriend in another. The boys all shared.

Several times I stated that I didn't care who hung out where but at bed time they went to their respective rooms, and everyone agreed. The first night was fine and everyone did their own thing the next day my son was in an accident and taken in the ambulance to the E.R. They wouldn't let anyone in the ambulance with him but he repeatedly said he wanted his brother with him who's pretty much like his father.

My boyfriend who is his brother was heartbroken because he didn't have a way to the hospital and that meant he would be alone, My so called friends immediately took his girlfriend to the hospital to be with him and didn't invite myself or my boyfriend along. When we asked why they said we weren't his real parents and didn't have a right to be there and his girlfriend was upset and wanted to see him, our "Son" while true not ours has serious medical conditions that needed addressed and weren't because his girlfriend knows nothing about what they mean.

I repeatedly tried to call my son and so did my boyfriend we also texted and he never replied later we realized that his girlfriend had traded him phones while he was in the hospital and none of us had her number, she also spend the day posting things on his facebook wall under his own name and changing his pictures and signature on his phone.

I let that go and when he came back to the hotel had a big dinner for him, he came and everyone ate he said he was going back to his room to lay down and I agreed he should. The next morning I went to his room to check on him at about 7 am and found his bed empty when I questioned where he was all the guys said he'd just left but I had my doubts, later two of the girls in my room confessed that he'd spent the night in his girlfriends room with her. I was mad and asked who knew and how long and they said that everyone knew but nobody wanted to tell me because they didn't see the big deal. I said that I was done and that I wasn't reserving rooms anymore if that's how it was going to be, other than my two roommates nobody talked to me the rest of the weekend because they said I was being immature.

Maybe I am immature but I had one rule, I was up front about it and the rooms were in my name, I feel hurt, and disrespected.

A few days later my son needed surgery and of course did not want me there but preferred his girlfriend, she cant' drive so he found someone else too and he needed my car I agreed he could use it. I don't mind that she went honest, but my car is new I've only had it a year and I baby it. When I got it back there was pepsi spilled in it, milkshakes all kinds of garbage and even fake nails that had been peeled off littering the back seat. I told my boyfriend and he said it was an accident, I'm sorry but I find it rude and disrespectful.

I have also spent the past month trying to get my son a sponsor for when he races his fourwheeler, this consisted of filling out numerous forms, sending in a riding resume', staying home for phone calls, being on the phone for hours, and reading contracts as well as faxing things at appointed times. It took a month but finally I found a sponsor, they agreed to a year long sponsorship.
While working on a contract I asked my son numerous times if he was sure about the decision, when the contract came I read it to him and asked again he was so excited he didn't really pay attention but he signed it and I got it to the right people.
Now, he's decided that his girlfriend is right and he should stop using my fourwheeler to race and get his own, normally I wouldn't mind but the contract is for the fourwheeler. I told him that it was too late and for a year now he has to ride mine because of the contract, but he refuses and has begun getting a fourwheeler ready to race. I don't know what the sponsor will do or what I'll tell them. I have tried talking to him but there's no point because he's decided now he wants to ride this other fourwheeler. I'm hoping that I can get him out of this contract but I bet there's a fight.

I just feel so fed up with it all, I'm tired of giving and giving and he just using me. I know he has a girlfriend and I'd happily make room in my life for her if she just showed me some respect. I don't know what to do or how to handle this but I'm no longer sleeping and I'm having heart troubles again. To top it off I'm still experiencing health problems that have me throwing up constantly I need not only numerous tests but I need to see specialists and at this time I have no insurance to afford them, I wouldn't mind dying from all this it's just I'm afraid he'll bring her to my funeral.

Am I being immature? should I just let it all go? or should I walk away and respect myself since he doesn't? I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Trippin2.0]

You're being disrespected. End of story.

I'm really sorry this girl has caused so much turmoil, I think personally, you should wash your hands clean from this situation.

All it does is bring you down and make you ill, you are getting nothing out of being so heavily invested and so giving. Time to put some distance between you and the toxicity, time to make YOU a priority.