Should I be happy with just having family (no friends)?

Hi all,

I am a very quiet person in my early 30's who has a dependable job, a wife and an almost 1-year old baby. I love being a father and feel like I am a good husband. I've been struggling quite a bit lately knowing that the only acquaintances I have are my family. Outside of a few neighbors that we have, I don't really socialize with anyone else. If you look up my post history, you'll notice I do suffer from depression/anxiety as well.

I mentioned earlier that I have a dependable job. While this is true it is in consulting. I recently have felt terrible as the company I was working with could no longer retain me. I was with them since I started with the consulting company (2 1/4 years). Although I didn't enjoy all of the work, I liked the people and felt my life and having these work acquaintances was enough for me. Now that I have lost that, I feel sort of at a loss.

I know I will be put on a new project but this one seemed to be the best fit for my personality which has always been a struggle. I came out of my shell a bit and became a key player.

I have talked with a few people in my family and they say the following:

• You'll meet lots of new friends as your daughter gets older
• They don't have many friends themselves as they've gotten older
• Be happy to have a wife and daughter

I guess for people who are in their 30s, I am just wondering if it is normal that I don't really have a social life. That I should be happy with just the time with my wife and child? Making new friends is an incredibly hard thing for me to do.

Thank you for listening.

Adam

In many ways, I feel I understand what you're saying. when it comes to social life, and interacting with others more I tend to need some reason to be put in a place where I have to interact, such as a job. You're probably just an introvert like me and don't feel bad for it. find interests and groups that would encourage this interaction if not in another job. If it's something other than just forcing yourself to find friends, like hanging out with other people with the same interests, maybe that will get you out of your shell more. Just a suggestion

1. as your daughter gets older that is no guarantee that you'll meet other people and waiting for that to happen isn't a good suggestion. If you're feeling you want the social interaction find a way to do it yourself.

2. Age has nothing to do with whether people have friends or not. it's a matter of choice if you remain social and have many friends and being old or young has nothing to do with it at all.

3. This last one is a horrible statement. "be happy... blah blah blah" assumes you're saying you're not happy with those things and that you dont' appreciate what you have. Ignore it and move on. It's very judgemental. Besides having a wife and child never ever will replace the need for social interaction entirely.

Again don't worry about your being 30 or any other age. That you want a social life and don't have one is the issue. whether others have one at your age or not is not even a reason to be social yourself. Who cares? It's not a contest, it's all about your contentment and happiness. if you can be happy as a dad, and husband and never being social it makes you no less of a person than another 30 something with a wife and child(ren). Do it for you, if you do. Try the suggestion I made above, it may just be key for you.

Hey there, why are all of the posts today completely relevant to how I feel

I was in the same position as you a few months ago. I had my wife and kids and a decent job, but no friends since I moved to be closer to their family (all my friends are back "home"... well adopted home I grew up somewhere else). I was quite content I thought just having my wife as a best friend was enough. Well we're separated and getting divorced now. Now I really do feel alone.

Be thankful if you have a wife that loves you as much as you do her and a child that loves you both, it is a blessing.

Subscribed for ideas just like OP though, i'm all ears

You need friends outside the family. Yes, you will make friends with other parents, though.

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Should I be happy with just family (no friends )? No. Family are easy initially but in the long run they are difficult - they have expectations and lack the honesty and judgment friends provide. Do the work to make friends and reap the benefits - you need friends for a healthy life.

I am turning 24 soon and don't have a very large group of friends, if you'd call it that. I have a few people that I talk to online and then my husband's friends, but that's it. We (my husband and I) have been building ties with people, and my husband is very positive about me making new friends. He wants me to consider his friends as my own, though that is still pretty difficult.

But to answer your title question, if you feel that you are missing something in your life when it comes to friendships, and you aren't happy with just have family for friends, then I guess you aren't happy, are you? If not, then you should do what would make you happy, and if that happens to be making more friends, then you should go for it.

My husband and I are both natural introverts, but if you looked at my husband around his friends or me while I'm at work it might be hard to tell. We both force ourselves out there. It's really hard and stressful for me, but I've only been doing it for the last few years. My husband has been doing it since he was in high school so it comes more naturally and he isn't as drained after.

I do know, though, that if you are a natural introvert, you will have to work really hard in order to start making friends outside your family.

good for you for putting yourself out there with this. I wish I had addressed this issue earlier than the age I'm at now (49) I think that friendships are important at every age for everyone. forget about what is "normal". spouses may come and go. (sorry, I'm a bit jaded)
someone I once knew had a t-shirt that had on it "friends are the family we choose". I don't think he intended it to be insulting to his family lol. I myself did not take the time to cultivate and maintain friendships for most of my life, and I wish that I did, I learned this late in life. so I lack some life experiences and therefore life enjoyment perhaps compared to others, didn't have an ear or shoulder when I needed one and perhaps am a bit of a loner and can be awkward socially, at times. I agree it is hard to do, but it is worthwhile. It is something I need to do as well, better late than never.

I feel like trying to get more friends is never really a bad thing. Especially for different types of issues, it's always good to have a lot of different perspectives to look at. For example, a problem you may be embarrassed or don't want to stress out your family with is often perfect for a friend. Or perhaps you need to vent on a particularly stressful day. If you ever run into trouble a friend may know someone or might be able to personally help you out on short notice. If they have similar interests you can hang out together at events that your spouse doesn't want to or doesn't have time for. They can help you choose gifts and etc.

Overall it's definitely not a bad thing to give it a try! Join a few clubs. Maybe there is a dad group that you can join? You can make new friends at work too and etc etc etc.

Hi...what stood out in your posting to me is that your daughter is only one.

When she gets to school, you will make friends. There will be opportunities to volunteer to go on trips and dads will be there to pick up and drop off. She will go to parties where the other dads are there, you will want to stay until she's comfortable anyway and so will men who bring their children to your house. Some parties will include adults...Put yourself out there as soon as she gets to school as someone who will help when needed. In this age of divorce....lots of dads have their kids on weekends and that's a perfect opportunity if you want it.
I suffer from depression to, and I have isolated myself but you have to work to maintain a friendship. And those friends may brighten your life a little.
You are entitled to a little guy time...

Thanks all, many great replies and lots to think about! I am clearly not happy just having my immediate family as the only people in my life. Once and a while I get together with some of the guys in the neighborhood as well which helps. The trouble with neighbors is they come and go. We have one set of friends that believe they'll be moved out to another city (military), another with a hose for sale sign and yet another going through a divorce. Not only that but if we want to have a second child (which we do), we will have to move away as well as the house is not big enough.

I find it really difficult to make meaningful friends. Not sure if its because I rub people the wrong way due to being shy or not but i'd like to improve that.

I also don't understand why this is an issue for me now. I think when I first started dating my eventual wife, I just cared about her as I was happy to have found a girlfriend that understood me, etc. Maybe this is me now looking for new people to share things with? Not really sure, but I do find it odd that this never bothered me for the past 5-8 years, but this year has really done a number to me.

Thanks all.