I keep making plans with people I don't want to see - why?!

This is a pattern I struggle with and I don't know why.

I keep making plans to see people I don't really want to see. Friends I don't actually like that much, if that makes sense.

Part of my struggle is related to the fact that I am going through a non-social phase at the moment. I don't really want to see anyone -- I'm happy to work from home alone and casually interact with people I run into on a daily basis.

I'm worried this is caused by some sort of low grade depression or anxiety, so I sometimes try to 'force' myself to be social. I would say it is close to a 50/50 split as to whether I enjoy the outing vs. am sorry I went. I wish I could figure out when my dread is 'correct' and when it isn't. In any case, I usually dread the outing for more time than I actually spend doing whatever with my friend.

I'm not really sure what the 'real' problem is. Is the problem that I don't want to see people? Or that I agree to see people when I don't want to? Or that I try to maintain friendships with people I don't really want to be friends with? It's probably all of the above.

Does anyone else do this?

When I'm depressed I feel like that a lot too. I end up agreeing to a lot of outings with friends that I don't really think it's worth it. Aka the effort to go is just too high and a lot of the time I walk away thinking that I didn't really enjoy it. But for me, I need to see people to get energy so I don't exactly have an option I always have to try.

Choosing which friendships to maintain is your right though so don't feel forced to go if you don't want to. But I always suggest giving it a shot since I'd prefer having more options of people to hang out with than less--and having more connections is always something I'm looking for.

Generally though when I'm feeling better, I actually really enjoy hanging out with them so I figure it has more to do with how you're feeling at the moment. But if it does continue then it's probably just the people haha.

Yes, keeping my options open is part of why I keep making myself go out! I like knowing that I am not the only one who does stuff like this

I wrote that yesterday just before leaving for an encounter I was dreading. I realized during the get together that I need to just stop agreeing to things I don't want to do. I have a huge problem saying no without feeling guilty and I need to get over it if I want to get anything done during the day.

Ahhh. Yeah that's a different issue then. Something that might make you feel less guilty is telling yourself that you'll eventually invite them out to something to make up for you skipping out. If they don't want to come that's fine but at the same time you're reaching out so they know it's not because you don't want to hang out with them. Usually I make my friends cookies if I'm too busy to hang out haha. But yeah, feeling guilted into going can really ruin fun experiences.

Awww, baking cookies for people is sweet!

I did some more thinking about this last week and came to the conclusion that I really do have a fundamental problem with a few friends. I just don't want to be friends with these people and have a hard time dumping them.

One of them is someone I never really clicked with in the first place - we were part of a group of friends. The group members I was close to have since moved and it's only me and this woman I never liked that much remaining.

She is a nice person and I still see her every couple of months when our group gets together... but she is a talker and wants wayyyy more contact than I do. I wouldn't mind seeing her once every couple of weeks, but if I see her once, she starts asking to see me every other day.

I think I've resolved that one. I told her that my schedule has changed and I'm no longer available during the day.

The other is a friend I used to be very close to, but I just don't want to be around her anymore. I don't know if it's medication or dementia, but 75% of the time I see her, she will not shut up. She's extremely inflexible about when/where/how we meet-- if it's not a set up for me listening to her, she's not interested. This drives me especially nuts because I know she does cultural things with other people. She used to do them with me (museums, music, etc), but then I guess she noticed that I'm a good listener.

I don't know what will happen with her, but I've been so discouraged by seeing her for so long, that I don't really care if I upset her at this point. After going back and forth with her pointlessly about getting together, I just flat out told her that I wanted to do something that wasn't sitting around talking over food. She hasn't responded. Maybe she never will

The awkward bit there is that she recently became involved in a group my mother is a part of. I'm a bit worried she will say something inappropriate to my mother.

I am not sure why I get so obsessively worried about these relationships, but I have been lately.