Been dating a girl who's mother just passed- Need advice

Here is the background. I met a girl online 4 months ago who lives 4 hours away. We talked and text for about 2 months. Was very open and honest with each other, ask questions on what we like about each other and what we look for in a partner. Basically in short became i guess intimate and felt like we have known each other forever!

Then we made plans for me to come up for a weekend. My plans changed for a emergency, so we planned 2 weeks later, then bam- her mother passed away (which was her best friend). She actually seemed like she took it way better than I expected (realized it was shock). She talked to me and believe it or not she wanted me to come up 2 weeks later(valentines day dinner was our first date). I did, had a great time, lot of laughs and a few tears. She told me that for some reason she felt like she could share anything with me and felt comfortable.

After that we tried to plan to get together again, but she now has to work at the family biz, and her job, take care of her 2 girls, be there for her dad. our talks have gone to all text, and she has opened up she is having a hard time and she knows that the shock has wore off.

Its been 4 months, we are compatible, and feel like we meet the requirements of what is important to each other- which she has a HUGE heart, she has been selfless being there for her sister and Dad. She actually inspires me.

It started to weigh on me what now? I am 38 she is 34. my text were getting shorter and she ask if everything was ok right away. I let her know that i have been think about what we are doing. So we opened up about it. She said I am so glad I told here and things were great for a week, and then she was distant. I know her emotions are day to day, and I dont know whether to be funny and cut up with her to cheer her ups or just be encouraging.

Well I told her that things were on my mind again and I didnt want to put any pressure on her but we havent attempted to try to make plans to see each other, or talk more. The next day I was very honest and said, I know she is not in the position to offer more and its beyond her control but i have to step away. She sounded like she got choked up and said she had the kids there and can we talk tomorrow. We did and she said she understands and she is sorry that she can give me more and its not fair to me. She was sorry that we came into each others lives when we did. She feels like she hasnt had time and time and space to grieve yet. Heart is so heavy that she cant offer anything or let her get close to anyone she feels. She kinda doesnt know what she really feels (which somewhat is the really for this post)

I ended it on this note- I care her above all else and I want her to take care of herself, but Its tough not to completely close the door and I would be there for her as a friend and if she ever feels like she is in a better place perhaps she can tell me if we want to be more. She said she agreed but she has no idea how long that would take. It was funny we both after an hour, tried to get off the phone but neither one of us wanted to hang up or say goodbye. We joked about it.

Anyway, maybe this is more of getting this off my chest but maybe anyone can relate? Any thoughts? Advice?

I suppose that after she has had the time to grieve for her mother and get her life back in order then she will have time for someone again. And if you 2 are meant to be then eventually you will cross paths again.

I agree, but it is still tough. I told her that she knows I will always be there for her. She text me last night after our text if I was enjoying my evening and text me today as well.

My thing is we are facebook friends, and I dont want it to get down the road and see her dating someone else after she felt she was ready. Not sure why that is weighing on my mind.

One thing is I bought John Legend tickets when he comes to her city on my birthday. We said we are still going to I dont want to hang on to hope until then and expect it change after hearing him.

I have decided to not reach out to her and only reach out to me in which I obviously will talk/chat, but I am not going to be the first to initiate contact.

This sux, I have always split with girls who were not right, or cheated and it made sense to walk away but never from someone that we mutually had feelings for one another.

Things are still so raw for her and her emotions will be all over the place. I know when my mum died i felt physically sick for about 3 months. You two sound as if you have a def thing going on but give her time and space. I also think skyping is better than text. text can be horribly misinterpreted. Let her grieve but be there for her. Tell her you're there for her anytime night or day. Tell her you're feeling her pain. Sorry i'm tearing up cos the same thing has just happened to my girlfriend. so i can totally empathise with you. Give her your all but don't take umbrage if she just wants time on her own. She'll come to you when she's ready. I wish you love and peace.xx
ps. Oh and darling if you read this i'm shedding a few tears.xx

Thank you. Your support, compassion and understanding has meant the world to me at this sad and emotional time. For this I am eternally grateful. x

I think it is good that you both are able to talk honestly about your feelings, hopes and doubts. Nobody knows what the future holds. Maybe you will only be friends or maybe when the time is right the relationship will be more intimate.

Best of luck to both of you.

Honestly my Father died recently and it has affected my relationship with my husband. So please take anything from this that is helpful and leave the rest. My husband was great in that he just did the extra relationship stuff such as household chores and let me have time to cry. He did not try to tell me it will get better. His Mom died when he was young so he understood. I had to seek emotional support completely outside of him because he is bi polar so I just let him help in the ways he could which was more psychical. You cant help her with the fact her Mom died but you can minimize other stress for her and maybe get her a massage or something to help reduce stress. Help her to eat well and sleep well and then seek additional emotional support. It really takes a village and its helpful not to have that stress on the relationship.

I hear that you feel she is distant but she might just need to deal with her stuff and also with her family. Grief is a huge process and people have strange ways of reacting to it. I have siblings and it tour us apart. Just giving her space and allowing her to do her thing is the best that you can do and maybe not pressuring her to make other choices right now. Honestly I had to take space from my husband because I just could not deal with anything else right then. I really takes time. If you love her than be there for her if only as a friend or however she needs. I am a very strong person and love my husband very much but I was just exhausted and had nothing to give him. Grieving for someone is very tiring. I hope something in her helps.