[hotchicken]

I feel as if I have no control over my life at all. I live with parents and kids. Parents control me. I walk on eggshells all day. If kids don't get their way, they start yelling, then parents come running and tell me I am kicked out of house. they are the ones yelling, not me!

parents spoil kids. Teen punches me if she doesn't get her way.

I have a job where I am told what to do all day. I feel as if I can't do anything because everyone is always watching me and waiting for me to mess up so they can yell at me.

I feel as if friends control me also. and they treat me like crap. One friend will make plans, then cancel and say she forgot she has something else to do. And then when I call, she won't answer phone. Lies all the time also.

Teen's boyfriends mom called me other day. Acted like she is my daughters mother and was talking to me as if she was lecturing me.

Parents of my kids friends will say hi to me briefly, then ask all excited how my parents are. I hate when they ask me that because I hate my parents! so I have to act all nice and pretend.

No one knows how much it hurts to be me. How I cry because I am so lonely, frustrated, and miserable. I have no self esteem.

You can tell me not to let people control me but I dont' know how to do that. That does not even exist in my brain.

[marmaduke]

You can tell me not to let people control me but I dont' know how to do that. That does not even exist in my brain.
Most of my life I have felt like this. Bullied, used, put upon.
No more. I have worked very hard on raising my self esteem, I have over years 'brainwashed' myself into loving myself. You must love yourself.
The best thing you could do is get away from your parents, is that possible?

[transient]

I can relate to being controlled by everyone, feeling alone and having no self esteem. I'm sorry you're going through hard times right now, I hope I can be of some help or positivity with this message.
I read your other thread about your daughter's (ex?) boyfriends mom. It sounds like she pretty much verbally harassed you. If you can, try to forget about what she said. Take it as coming from a place of her insecurity and it might be easier to keep her unnecessary comments from upsetting you.
I'm not a mom so I can't share your pain, but my sister has punched my mom out before and it's infuriating! It's very rude and if your daughter does it often, it is abusive in my opinion.

On not letting people control you- I'm still struggling with this very much. One thing that helps me is to affirm things that are true, like "I am a person of worth. I don't deserve to be stepped on or ignored", "I have a lot of love to share and I deserve love too". I've also adopted a saying that goes "be like a duck" which refers to water sliding off a duck's feathers (not letting people's comments get to you and keep going with your day), if ducks get wet then they can't float!
There are some resources online that tell about being assertive in everyday situations, in interpersonal conflicts and crises, so if you were to look into that you might find something helpful

Is there any way for you to take some time for yourself? I know you said you are lonely, but it might help to take a mini vacation if you are able to. You can relax on a vacation, and the physical distance will also allow you to look at things from a far away perspective, possibly enabling you to come up with some solutions or self revelations.
If not, are there any classes you'd like to take for fun, like pottery, painting, or maybe joining a community center club? Do you like volunteering or going to church? You might also be able to meet new people that value you more than your current friends seem to, and also share your interests.
You are probably busy, being a mom, but if you are at least able to take one day out of the month/ week for only you, or even just a few hours a week, I think it might be a good thing for you

take care and let us know how you're doing