[CantExplain]

I've tried to make it purely love or purely hate, but that hasn't worked.

Any ideas?

[yumi]

I think my daughter feels this way towards me, but I don't....I only feel love towards her, always. For me, I have been patient with her, always demonstrating love and support. I do get frustrated sometimes, yes...but that does not mean hate. I pray she one day can open her eyes and realize that she is truly and eternally loved.

I hope that made sense.

[Archetype62]

My lover and I have an intense love/hate relationship. We love each other so deeply ,but one minute it will be almost perfect/happy/I want it to be, then the next minute we will be saying the worst things to each other. My best suggestion to give to you if it is a lover, it to get out of it in any way you can, and stay away from it. No matter how much you may love them, you simply cannot love them in way they deserve, and vice versa. You deserve a healthy relationship and to be happy mostly all the time. Your spouse is supposed to make you happy. If it is a family member that of course is a different story. Please let me know if this helps any, if you disagree with anything I have said, or have any more questions. Thank You and I hope this helps some.

[CantExplain]

I've stepped away from the relationship but the problem lingers.
Can't live with her, can't live without her.
Currently living without her.

Time for another round of therapy, I guess.

[Archetype62]

Do you still contact her and how long has it been? I know this is painful to talk about, but it will help me understand better to help you.

[CantExplain]

In the past year I have written to her four times and had two replies. All very civilised but the hate is still there. I think I'm the one doing all the hating.

[Archetype62]

Do you have specific reasons for hating her? Or feeling like you hate her?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Archetype62

Do you have specific reasons for hating her? Or feeling like you hate her?

Yes, but that's not something I want to go into here.
I want to explore love/hate relationships in general.

[Trippin2.0]

There's a super thin line between love and hate, I know that's a cliché, but its true.

Besides, IMO the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.

I can only hate someone I truely love/d, indifference means a complete absence of love because you couldn't care less anyway.

Idk what to do in your case though, but if you want to remain estranged from this person, then I don't suggest focussing on hate.
I suggest letting go, moving forward and reaching a point of indifference.

[CantExplain]

Indifference is hard to find. Is it really possible to go back to being strangers?

[Trippin2.0]

I'm strangers with my ex who fathered (*ahem, read donated sperm for) my child...

Sometimes I walk right past him and it doesnt even occur to me to acknowledge his existance. You'd never say we dated for 5 years...He is just no longer a factor in my life.

[niceguy]

I agree with trippin.
The reality is,
If you hate - you still love. In fact any emotion that shows you still care, well, shows you still care.
I think like me, you love the rolllercoaster - or are addicted to it anyways

I think it depends on the reasons for the hate. If the bad feelings are because of an incident, argument, disagreement or what not. What is the cause for the bad feelings? Not asking, just something one should consider. Does the person have a legitimate or irrational reason for what they've done to cause you to hate them? Sometimes it matters, sometimes not. I think many factors come into play and also the depth of love/hate you feel for someone. I've loved people and hated the way they treated me but I still love the person I believe they are underneath. If you are struggling between the two feelings it may just be that you love them in spite of their faults.

[Archetype62]

I don't know about the whole strangers thing, but I do know it is possible to move on. I don't think you could ever actually let someone go from your heart no matter how you act towards each other, but it might be best to look at this relationship as a learning experience. Even though it will be tough try to find someone new, someone who you can get along with 90% of the time. If your not wanting to go that route do you ever think you and her could find a happy medium together?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Archetype62

I don't think you could ever actually let someone go from your heart no matter how you act towards each other

Well I'm proof (and I could mention a few others) that you can truely get someone out of your system. Both head and heart.

Besides, wouldn't it be unfair to my bf if my ex was still monopolizing space in my heart???

Part of moving forward means cutting ties with your past.

I don't act like I couldn't care less about my ex, I don't act as if he doesn't matter. He just isn't a factor any more, he no longer features in this film of mine, so he isn't given any "act".

The only reason I ever reference him is when prompted by a discussion such as this one where I think it will benefit the reader / listener, or on the rare occasion when someone says "I saw your ex today he's looking good/ bad/ hasn't changed a bit" and I go "sooo?" And then we proceed to have a conversation I'm actually interested in having.

Maybe you mean "heart" differently though and I'm misunderstanding, or maybe you are referencing amicable break-ups. Either way, all I'm saying is that your thought is very inaccurate.

[Archetype62]

Trippin2.0 I have read what you have said multiple times and have gone over it in my head. I see your point exactly and I realize I have may been wrong. Thank you. And Big Poppa the best thing to do in this situation would be "letting go, and moving on" (Trippin2.0). She seems to know what she is talking about ,so I would follow her advice if this was me. Please, Please, let me know if I have helped in anyway, if you disagree, or have anymore questions. Thank you.

[healingme4me]

I still must deal with my ex due to children, and visitations of the children. No matter, the past and struggles, dismissing his relevance, in my life, as he'll be intertwined one way or another, think graduations, weddings, major illnesses God forbid of kids, though somedays he annoys me more than others, the reality is it was an up down, roller coaster of a relationship, seems illogical.
Did he respect me, when he showed hateful behaviors? No.

Part of letting go, of the ideal of loving another, is recognizing love isn't meant to cause pain, in the way love/hate relationships do. Respect yourself enough to recognize that you deserve better than a dysfunctional relationship.

If she's not responding to you wanting her, in your life, be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself, recognize your needs aren't met, with this one.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[niceguy]

Anyone who has truly loved another individual, mind, body and soul gets this. I don't mean to dispute Anyone's claims - but if someone continually hurts you, yes you hate them - but ofcourse you still love them. It is a tricky business this love thing. Yet, if you don't realize what is meant, how can you ever say you have truly loved.
The two emotions are so heavily intertwined, it is impossible to pull them apart. Just as there is a reason for the saying "there's a fine line between pleasure and pain" - the same principle applies. "Some things are true, whether you believe them or not".
Finally for the one who said that they don't care if their ex is mentioned. I believe it to be untrue... If you really had moved on, you would be happy to hear they are doing well. Hey, JMO!!

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by niceguy

Finally for the one who said that they don't care if their ex is mentioned. I believe it to be untrue... If you really had moved on, you would be happy to hear they are doing well. Hey, JMO!!

You're opinion is all good and well, but in my case his wellbeing is of no consequence to me.
Maybe if we parted on a less traumatic note, and it didn't take me a whole lot of healing to let go of my anger toward him and what he did to me, maybe then I'd care enough to wish him well. I think its good enough of me that I don't wish anything bad for him. A different ex of mine, I hardly think about him either, but when I do hear of him or from him, its friendly, I like his wife and his kids...

The nature of the relationships were different the cicurmstances of the break ups were different, and my attitude toward each ex is different. But in no way have I not moved on from an ex just because I don't shower him with goodwill.

So I think you need to take different scenarios into context before you spread such opinions.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Archetype62

I don't know about the whole strangers thing, but I do know it is possible to move on. I don't think you could ever actually let someone go from your heart no matter how you act towards each other, but it might be best to look at this relationship as a learning experience. Even though it will be tough try to find someone new, someone who you can get along with 90% of the time. If your not wanting to go that route do you ever think you and her could find a happy medium together?

Heaven preserve us from learning experiences!
If this is learning, I choose ignorance.

[niceguy]

Ok, so your pissed - and to be fair, maybe your entitled.
However, before you go pushing your opinions on others... Let me be the first to assure you that- well everyone is entitled to theirs.
If I am wrong, fair enough - yet, as someone who has been there done that - I disbelieve the statement. That is MY opinion. Entitled!! Hello!!

If you feel one way for an ex that differs from another does that not show unresolved feelings lol.

Finally, for the fool who asked Everyone's advice, then snipes at. Choose ignorance, stay there. I imagine, that is why you are in this predicament - hey, just my honest opinion.

Hearts!!

[Trippin2.0]

I'm not even the slightly bit pissed, if I were there wouldn't be a post for you to respond to

All I was trying to convey was that your opinions don't seem to be taking different situations into context ( so you mayyy want to adjust them) and that just because someone doesn't wish sunshine and roses on an ex doesn't mean their are unresolved feelings or that the ex is still in their hearts.

But you've chosen to ignore what I was saying and decided that I am pissed off and have unresolved feelings.

I have no feelings for a man who beat me to a pulp and shoved his boots into my ribs repeatedly.

Yes I harboured a lot of anger and resentment for a lonng time, but I've moved forward and healed from that experience.

If I didn't, I would not be able to be with my bf.

That particular ex is not worth taking up space in my head, I closed that door a while ago, and if you still think I'm kidding myself or being dishonest or whatnot, then really that's an issue of yours, not mine.

I don't believe in beating dead horses, so will move on from this thread now.

CE, I hope you find the answers you seek

I've had to deal with several of these in the past. It took me a while to realize that the hate was outweighing the love, so I ended up breaking myself off from those people. I don't have too much advice to give, except that you might want to consider weighing the pros and cons of the relationship... If the cons outweigh the pros like mine did, it may be best to end the relationship or at the least, take a break from it.