hurt and feel alone

I have an issue. Well lots actually but one that just keeps coming back and never gets any closure. I require closure to move on.

My wife and I are both divorced and then we found each other. We have a total of 5 children. A difficult family situation to say the least, yours, mine and ours.

Here is my problem. No matter what happens my wife refuses to apologize..... well let me rephrase that..... she has apologized twice but both times she said`I am sorry you feel that way`. This is a game changer for me. It takes me weeks to forgive when I don`t think the other party (my wife) is at least willing to take some responsibility.

I apologize all the time. I aoplogize to my kids, coworkers, wife, you it I have probabley apologized to it..... heck my dog. For me it comes naturally..... IMHO it helps others see that I take responsibilty for at least part of what has happened so that WE can move on..... so that we can have some conflict resolution.

The fact that my wife will not apologize enrages me sometimes. It makes me feel that I am the only one at fault for everything. And when I am enraged I have difficulty keeping my cool. I know that doesn`t help the situation but I have difficulties controlling myself because of how angry I get. I have explained this to her, I have tried couples therapy and nothibng to this point will help her to understand how I feel. How this all is making our lives difficult.

Maybe she is a narcissist. They never apologize nor admit fault, everything is ALWAYS someone else's fault.

I wish you could give an example of a disagreement????

I've been married for 37 years and my husband has apologized maybe twice. He never says he is sorry but I know he is based on how he acts. He will give me puppy dog looks, hug me more and just generally do more nice things for me. It used to bother me and then I came to understand that it was not important who was to blame for the argument. We were probably both a little bit to blame and we were both sorry we fought and made each other feel bad. We focused our efforts on making our communication and life where we didn't fight as much and before we knew it we weren' fighting at all.

Saying she is sorry you feel that way is probably more the truth than her saying she is sorry for what she said or did. If you examine your feelings you may feel much the same. Just remember in the end that you love each other and act on that feeling. It is much nicer.

A few weeks ago I got a call at work. It was my wife, she was calling concerned that we had no water. We live on the prairies in Canada and frozen pipes are a major concern this year. So with her concern on my mind I drove home and started to look into things. Turned out that it was a broken water main and we were to be without water for only a few hours.

I had the next day off so she was to take the vehicle that I drove home from work on the day of the water issue. Apparently I had neglected to fill the tank..... in which I apologized for once it was pointed out. So in retaliation to my neglectfulness she took a picture of the dashboard, posted it on FB with a caption on it LOL with all her little group about how she wasn't going to put gas in just so I would learn my lesson.

It was at this time that I found out that she has 2 FB accounts. One for me and my family...... which she never looks at. And another for socializing. Now with that being said I am not an avid FB`er so for how long this has been going on I am not sure.

A very close friend was on my wifes other page(the one she uses) and sent me a copy of said picture. I went and put gas in the tank. I was upset but not really. I thought at this point that I would set up a couples therapy session. When I told her about the appointment my wife was ok with it.... she didn't even react when she found out. The fact that she showed no emotion, no care that she had hurt me angered me. I have anxiety and it just blows up when I am expecting some sort of apology or admission that wrong doing has occured and it never comes. It takes me weeks to get over at which time I am angry. I dislike being angry..... I have ulcers and they flare when things like this happen as well as my IBS.

I've been waiting for someone to apologize for a looong time. They hurt me 10x worse by NOT apologizing when I needed it. My rage grows more and more the longer I wait. I think Marmaduke is right that the people who won't apologize are narcissists.

I here your frustration. It sounds like your partner is stubbornly defending her emotional ground, maybe she is feeling vulnerable and/or making a choice to enjoy the control. Either way, look after yourself, being dependent on her need to apologize to make you feel emotionally content hands a lot of power over to her. This can cause anger and frustration and make you vulnerable.

Thank you. This is what I struggle with.