extremely distressed need some advice please

Hello. This will be a bit long so bear with me. I'm 32. I have severe depression, PTSD, anxiety, panick attacks and other issues. I have health problems as well which make me extremely tired and leave me with no energy. (fybromalgia, hypothyrodism, anemia) Pain is 9/10 at times. Body aches to a point that it's not possible to even explain. Add to that feeling nauseous and just extemely ill. I used to sleep 15 hours a day and stay in bed all day. I have improved over the past 2 years and can now get dressed and walk down the stairs without feeling exhausted.

Here is my problem:

I had to move back in with my parents since I cannot take care of myself. I've been here for 2 years now. I used to live in London and they live in Luxembourg. Moving back to Luxembourg and having all those mental and health issues has been hard enough...but on top of this I have to deal with very controlling parents.
For example, they force me to go to church every Sunday even when I don't feel well. One day I felt extremely sick and my mother pulled me out of the bed, sat me down, took my clothes and dressed me forcefully. I have given up trying to tell them I want to stay home on Sunday mornings bc they just don't care what I'm feeling and they insult me and the insults hurt too much so I'm trying to avoid situations where I get insulted. I would have no problems going if I was feeling OK as I live in their house and the respectful thing to do is to attend their church.

So for the past 2 years I have pushed myself to go to their church. At times I was on the verge of fainting and my body was aching to a point I can't even describe and I felt empty and emotionless and very depressed but I pushed myself hard to still go.

Here's the thing: people at their church do not like me and do not talk to me. We have lunch every Sunday after church and they stay in church and talk until sometimes 10pm. So I'm there all afternoon and have to listen to people talk for 10 hours straight. It makes me extremely tired. I can't cope with conversations very well bc of the depression and illnes. No one talks to me and I have made a lot of attempts to fit in and whenever I try to say something people cut me off or contradict me. People know I am depressed and severly sick yet no one has ever offered to listen to me.

It's very hard for me to stay there every Sunday and spend the whole day there. After 2 years of trying to fit it, I have given up and one day they went to a picnic and I was extremely unwell with panick attacks and I just couldn't take their laughter and snide remarks (they make snide remarks against me all the time and also make jokes about depressed and sick people and everyone laughs) so I went away and went for a walk. It was the first and only time I ever did that.

My parents are the pastors and have preached that people who are depressed are people who don't follow God's word and don't have enough faith.

After this incident, my parents told me they have booked an appointment for me to see en exorcist. I didn't want to go but they forced me to go. The whole trip was a nightmare and I had many panick attacks and was sick and threw up and not once did my parents ask if I was OK. They told the exorcist that I had a horrible attitude and that I don't want to interact with people at their church. They said that I was stiff and uncomfortable in church and that I had a spiritual problem bc I don't want to worship God. I told my parents that my body aches a lot and that's why I'm stiff and my dad replied in the meanest voice that something is seriously wrong with me bc how come I'm always aching everywhere? My mother said she didn't care about whether I'm sick or not. My mother said I was rebellious bc I try to stay home on Sundays. Anyway...they said other horrible things. The exorcist took me in a private room and tried to cast out demons from me. but nothing happened.

My parents know I have health issues as they came to the doctor with me and see me take meds but they seem to not understand how much I'm suffering. I have requested they take me to see a specialist but they have never wanted. I can't go on my own bc I have no income to pay the specialist. I have asked if they could give me money for massages as I'm in so much pain but they don't want to. My mother gives me 50 euros every 3-4 months. They are well off financially and employ one person who helps around the house but they never give me any money. I have only 2 pairs of shoes and 1 boot (which is enough so I'm not complaining) and my mother buys me clothes once or twice a year (that's enough too). They are good with buying food and feeding me (although they buy a lot of fatty foods).

I have tried talking to a social worker and to my psychiatrist but my parents comes to all my appointments so I'm not free to talk. I have requested to speak to them alone but they do not take me seriously.

I have tried applying for government financial aid but they denied me saying I live with my parents and their income is sufficient to take care of my needs.

I'm thinking of finding a job and push myself to work even if I feel extremely unwell. I don't know how I will cope with 8 hours workdays...I am afraid I will faint and have panick attacks and land at the hospital again...

Thank you for reading, advice please???

Hey there. I'm terribly sorry for the hell you must be going through , my heart is with you . How have you been able to hold out until 32? I commend you, you are strong! And as for your parents saying that you have no faith - they are delusional, being able to live through all this, you must have inner faith.

And please also remember this, always, the way they are portraying God to you through their church is not the True way God works, He loves you always and is in the same amount of pain because you are suffering. The real truth is, almost all of the churches present on earth today would be rebuked and scolded by Jesus if he were to walk the earth today the way he did 2000 years ago. It's not about who is the strongest, the toughest, and most happy. The people he saved were the people in the greatest pain, those ridiculed by other people in more powerful positions, the oppressed people. I'm not going to quote Bible verses, because my mind is too stupid to remember all the little chapters and numbers, but I know some things Jesus said and I truly believe it - Those who are first shall be last and those who elevate themselves shall be humbled, but by the same token those who are last shall be first and those who are humble shall be elevated. Your parents take a real high road on you and they are really elevating themselves above you - don't be put down by this, because these power trips all end someday. I don't go to church either anymore, because I did not feel welcome, people always judged me and looked at me, because I look different, I look like someone "gone wrong" and "demon possessed" if you know what I mean. Don't worry about that, even if you quietly talk to God in your room while nobody knows, He will hear you. He listens for those who cry out to him for help. I wish to use the word "pray", but that immediately conjures up images of sitting on your knees, with hands clasped, reciting some "standard prayer". I know I'm maybe not making much sense, but I wish to show you that RELIGION is not important, FAITH is. You can go to church ten times a week (i.e. religion) and some people do, but I'll tell you here now today that those people are the one's weakest in faith. Religion and traditions, practicing it day in and day out, does not make you a better Christian, or servant of God. They are people who believe more is better, more church makes you happier, etc. etc., I'm telling you, 90% of this world's got it wrong. And how do you have faith? You need to believe in YOURSELF first of all, believe that you can take control. We lack faith in ourselves because OTHER people tell us we can't do things. Anybody who puts people down, are nothing but agents of Satan! They are the demons. Ask yourself, has one of those people ever tried to help you? No, they mock you. So many people miss the tactics of true evil, it will turn those closest to you against you, children against parents, parents against children, father against son, and son against father. Mother against daughter. It knows your deepest secrets, wants and desires. It knows you can't stand the pain and stress and that you would do anything to get rid of it. So it works through those around you, even your parents, who say "do what we say then it'll go away", in other words "praise and serve us".

And, you said you went for an exorcism - and it didn't work! Why? You're not the one with the demons! Demons do exist, but they range in strength and function. Those that shout and shriek on the TV programs are normally not demons, but something worse, because they have actual names, designated by capital letters in the beginning - these can be spirits of fallen angels, princes of hell, and the like. Demons are usually more of a "practical" debilitating nature, manifesting physically with symptoms such as something like a disease (e.g. cancer, bacterial infection), alcoholism, drug-abuse, lust, rage, aggression, depression - and these "possess" us by controlling our lives and influencing the way we think - mind control - i.e. demonic possession. But it's a real thing, way more subtle than the rubbish on TV. I would not nominate these programs on TV (Paranormal, Haunting, blah blah blah) as the real thing - it's rubbish and these people are setting themselves up for a rude awakening. Besides, man has become pretty smart already by inventing pills and stuff to minimize the effects of such possession. The pain you feel is probably caused by a demon, but the cowboy way people handle these things (so-called exorcisms for example) are exacerbating the problem, not solving it. Demons or "devils" laugh at your attempts at first, but keep going and you really begin to piss them off, and they get angry. The best way to combat these things is by educating yourself as much as possible, and by that I mean become a seeker of the real truth. Don't accept other people's answers at face value, it's possibly evil cloaked in a shroud of a good helping hand. And just one last final Bible "quote" - those who "teach" and lead others, must be especially careful of what they teach, because they hold more accountability than those being lead. That's scary, considering how many ministers today are, perhaps without their knowing, actually leading people astray and cementing the lies of Satan on earth. He hides his work in religion, by showing you more religion is better, makes you happier, and he "proves" this by showing you - "Look! these church people are happy, they mock you because you're weak and flawed, be stronger, toughen up!". He's got the whole world fooled unfortunately and when you truly begin to look around you, you begin to see his work everywhere, in almost all people! For example, most people who go to church would say, "yes, I believe Christ did raise the paralyzed man from his bed, and made him walk", but I can guarantee you, ask that person what they think for real, or better yet, ask someone who has a disabled family member if they really believe their loved one will walk again, and they'll say, "well, of course not, he's spinal cord is severed, and anybody with a bit of sense will know it's impossible to walk again after that". Who told them that? The doctors of the world? How stupid! Since when are humans all-knowing and have they seen all the possible outcomes? How do they know the spinal cord can't be healed? How do they know, for sure, that someone with a severed spinal cord can never walk again? We know everyday medicine is making new discoveries, and many of the so-called scientists are now beginning to realise the stuff in the Bible is for real, and totally possible! I truly believe that Christ did make the paralyzed man walk, for sure, I don't know how, but He did, and one day, we, with our stupid human brains, will find out how. And, that is what I'm trying to get across, what real faith is - believing in something "absurd", "ridiculous", "impossible", and then showing this damn world that it can be done, YOUR way! And, if people are calling you these things - smile, because you're on the right track, since you believe in yourself. I hope I am making sense in this extremely long post . I'm sorry for making your eyes tired! I'm just trying to say you should never give up on yourself. That's pretty rich coming from me though, I wish I could follow the stuff I'm telling you - I have wanted to give up so many times already, it's not even funny. I am "possessed" by several "demons" - depression, anger, overeating, the list goes on and on. I don't think any human being has the answer to your life, maybe not even us ourselves, but we get glimpses, and we must make sure that we see things in their true form, not cloaked.

I know you asked for advice, and I'm not going to tell you that you should definitely do this, but I think you should get out of your parents control, for sure, because it's breaking your spirit rather than helping you. Nobody ever cares about people like us, but I also know what it's like to be controlled by your parent(s), and it's probably the worst impact anything could have on your life. Child abuse, beating, and all that stuff leaves, relative to controlling parents, more physical scars than mental scars in children, and everybody is always like "oh shame, oh shame, you poor thing". They clearly have never met narcissistic controlling parents before, the effect on your life is ten times worse than any beating or abuse that can ever be dealt to you. It robs you of your identity, and any chance of having a normal adult life. Many abuse victims are healed, but "control" victims are scarred for life. So, if it's any consolation, I have a good idea of what you're talking about. I know it all to well.

All the best to you, and I hope you can finally find the freedom to live! You can send me a personal message (PM) any time if you want to chat. I genuinely feel for you, because I kind of know what you're experiencing - mine is not as bad as yours. And I know what depression does too, the sneaky swine! It hides all your passions and talents from you so that you can't make a decision as to what to do next. You feel totally lost and not in touch with anything. You even forget the stuff you used to love. It's truly a ridiculous disease to have. I wish so much happiness to you, for you to be free and successful. And again, I'm so sorry for the hell you're experiencing. Many hugs times 10!

Flower, my heart goes out to you and I send you big hugs. If you were my child you'd have everything you need. I wish I could help you.

The solution seems to be to live on your own so that you can get disability. You certainly sound like you qualify. Your parents are not mentally healthy themselves and, therefore, not fit to take care of you.

Are there social services that can assist you with independent living and getting on disability? That's the route I'd take. Also, take full advantage of the UK's medical system. You're very lucky to have access to such health care.

Good luck.

Gosh, this sounds like a really difficult situation. Do you have any other relatives or friends that you could stay with? I think you need to be around people who put you and your needs first. I doubt that your parents are even aware of the problems that they have. I also doubt that they will ever change.