 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Apr 29, 2014, 10:18 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
So, my fiancé has a problem. He has this need to talk to and sext other people. I knew he did it before we got together when he was married to his ex-wife but he was never happy with her. She was cold hearted and didn't care about anyone but herself. A few months ago I caught him texting another girl. He had been doing it for 2 weeks behind my back. He deleted the messages before I could read them but swore it was innocent. The other night, I logged into his email account and saw where he posted on Craigslist asking if there were any ladies that wanted to talk and send pictures on kik messenger. I told him when we got together that I did not want him on kik messenger anymore. I have caught him with the app on his phone twice before this. I honestly don't think he would ever act on anything, but the fact that he has the need to talk to and send pics back and forth with other girls really bothers me. It makes me feel like I can't make him happy. He is my soul mate. I realized when we fell in love that I had never really been in love with anyone ever before. I have given up EVERYTHING for him. I really don't want to just give up on him. I just don't know what else to do. I just feel worthless now. Like I can't make him happy. I just don't understand why he has to talk to other people. What should I do? We are supposed to get married next month. He says he wants to get help. That he doesn't want to lose me. He has talked to him mom about all of this and is going to start going to Pathways for counseling. He also let me put restrictions on his phone to where he can't get on the internet or delete apps that he has downloaded without a passcode that only I know.
|
|
#2
Apr 30, 2014, 08:47 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Hello there!
It's a difficult one because you need that trust and if that trust isn't there it's not going to fair well if you get married. It sounds like he wants to do something about it though. We can't tell you what to do but you know communication is the answer. I hope you can both figure it out. Welcome to Psych Central! 
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
 KAnn4485
|
|
#3
Apr 30, 2014, 02:34 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
If you knew that this behavior would continue, would you still want to marry him? It almost sounds like he has an addiction to this kind of behavior. It's great that he is getting help for this, but it sounds like your wedding date is right around the corner. Personally, I would want to postpone marriage until I was sure he was done with the cheating, but you know him better than I do
|
| trying2survive
|
|
#4
Apr 30, 2014, 02:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
A soul mate, per se, would address you own needs as valid. A soul mate, per se, would give all that up out of affection for you.
What, do you mean, you have given up 'everything' for him? Why did you have to change a thing? Is it giving up on him, or is it giving up on a dream? A fantasy? An illusion? Is there any chance to postpone the wedding? Have the two of you, had pre marital couples counseling? Or are his words alone, too convincing to step back? |
|
#5
Apr 30, 2014, 05:26 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
IMHO you need to live with a person a MINIMUM of 3 to 3/2 years..give time for the real "them" to show up and see what you are signing up for, too many marriages fail because people sign up for what they thought they were getting only to later realize it was a bait and switch  you want to give your marriage a fighting chance, relationships alone are hard enough, i imagine marriage is much harder...you don't want to set yourself up for failure, hope this helps and good luck!
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
|
|
#6
Apr 30, 2014, 06:02 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Be good to yourself and hold off on the wedding for a while. Wait and see if he truly works thru this by getting the help he needs. Promises are just promises and can easily be broken, or even lied about to keep you hooked into the relationship.
Give yourself time to make sure the promises are not empty promises. Some men will never change, some can, it depends on the individual man. I think its wise for you to be gentle and loving towards yourself and make sure these things he is doing is indeed a thing of the past and won't resurface down the road again. I would also have to say, that true soul mates, if there is such a thing.....they don't hurt each other like that. At least that is what I understand soul mates to being like. It sounds like you really love him. I'd say he is the lucky one at this point for having you in his life. I hope he wakes up and cleans up his act so he can prove that he is worthy of you. |
|
#7
Apr 30, 2014, 06:44 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
We have been together since July 23, 2013 and have lived together since August 1, 2013...we have both been previously married.
Quote:
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
