[LifeIsCruel]

Someone PLEASE explain this to me???? (As no therapists have done so...)

Okay...I am male, and I have a very strange, mean stepmother to put it nicely.

She has ALWAYS been jealous of the females I dated!!! Always!!! I mean enviously jealous!!! Now...get this...when I break up with any female...she "instantly" is their best friend and runs to them to gossip about me behind my back!!

This wicked woman married my father (RIP) and...she would NOT even attend his funeral!!! Since then, I have pretty much broken it off with her, I can handle her disrespecting me...but not my father!!!!!...but still. I would like some explanations/opinions please???

[Perna]

I am a stepmother of 3 men and my stepmother was stepmother to my 3 brothers

Your stepmother was in competition for you with your girlfriends. When you broke up with them, they were okay to become friends with because she "had" you back, you were not with someone else. It probably had something to do with age/her being older? I know my stepmother and I battled as to who my father belonged to? :-) She was jealous of my having known him all that time before she did and for being the daughter of his first wife (who died). Your stepmother "won" your father but you were the younger version thereof so. . .

It is crazy and very unconscious. Not everyone is strong enough to attend funerals, visit others in hospital, etc. I did not go to my step-grandmother's funeral (which happened on a weekday and I would have had to take off from work, my excuse) because I did not want all that pain and "finality" of her being gone. I can remember her as if she is still alive somewhere sort of and remember good memories from my childhood instead of having the experience of crying at her funeral and no "special" time for just me with her, etc. Not attending your father's funeral was probably like that for your stepmother, she was "linked" to your father, who went to his grave, how does she become unlinked? There are a lot of emotional things going on, most unconscious with marriages, death of special individuals, stepfamily members, etc.

Don't judge her too harshly. You do not have to like her, you did not choose her and do not want to associate with her, that's fine. But I would not judge her; she did what she did because she "had" to to protect herself, she obviously is not very "strong" a woman?

[marmaduke]

She sounds toxic, get away from her.

[healingme4me]

Welcome to the toxic stepmom club.

Cinderella had one, too.

Some aren't toxic...thankfully.

Just you've got one, I've got one, others have one...

It sounds like she's got control issues. Don't introduce her to your women, so she can't access them after a break up.

Probably wants to be center of attention.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[thinker00005]

I am a mother of two boys. My oldest being 24. I am also a step mother to two daughters.
When ever there is a break up with someone... the ex's still try to stay in contact with us parents. They ex's do that to keep up on our kids. I just find it hard to tell there ex's to move on and that we (meaning myself and my husband) can no longer be friends with them. I just try to slow down the contact between us.
My oldest son and my youngest step daughter really bring there partners around and involve there partner in our families life. So, it is hard to just cut them off.
My oldest son has been upset with me over this. However when he is with a girl he wants me to include them and do things with them. I have asked him not to bring them around unless they are the right one. But he doesn't know if that girl is the right one or not. The youngest step daughter well she is a free spirit and nothing seems to bother her.

so my point is from a mother / step mother... It is hard to cut people out of my life that want to be in it so badly.

I don't know if this is what is going on with your step mother or not. Just trying to give you another perspective as to what maybe going on.

[LifeIsCruel]

Thanks to all responses!

I MUST limit my time with her...she is too negative, and yes too toxic!

Get this....

Christmas I took her several gifts, all wrapped up nicely....she said point blank, "How much did they cost a dollar each?".......WHAT????? And there are nice gifts...she was even reluctant to open them....and BTW...to my knowledge, she has used none of them. She NEVER has smiled...unless it was an evil, wicked one....her ENTIRE family abandoned her due to her attitude....and I could literally write two books on the things she has done behind my back, to me, against me, and about me........

[JadeAmethyst]

It sounds like a lot of pain to me. I hope that you will feel better about this, and find some resolution for yourself, reconciliation may or may not be possible. I have a step-mother too, it is limited contact these days, that has worked so far.

Jade

[LifeIsCruel]

Yes...I am thinking of going to see her on Mother's Day..not because I want to or need to...more out of pity for her....as no one else cab tolerate being around her over 2 minutes..."5" for me IS a s-t-r-e-t-c-h!!!! My father (RIP) summed her up good...he said, "If she makes it to Heaven...she will be there 1 second and find something to complain and gripe about!".........TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!