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#1
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My fiancé will not do anything that I like. We do not live together and I started workng out at home and I know he wants to get healthier. We live 50 minutes apart I thought it would be great to join a gym together in the middle. My fiancée had come up with every reason in the book not to. He can't afford the 20 bucks a month, gyms are creepy n guys try to pick up girls. He is making me feel extremely guilty for even wanting to go to one. He does not want me going anywhere like that without him. I do things for him that I don't care for. He loves guns and commuters at a gun range I helped out and even door a gun something I really didn't care to do. I feel like I'm just wasting my efforts. Granted there's a ton more difficulties in our relationship but I thought this would be fun guess I was wrong.
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![]() Trippin2.0
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#2
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I'm sorry that you're going through this. Have you talked to him about it ? I don't mean to assume, but he sounds very controlling. If he's this way now do you think things will change when you're married and living together ?
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Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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![]() Trippin2.0, trying2survive
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#3
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Quote:
if he doesn't like to do anything at all that you like...well that is a HUGE RED FLAG. in order for a relationship to work you have to have some common interest, if you don't have that the relationship will struggle (as it is now) and the marriage ultimately will fail. take time to sit down and talk with him about this...calmly, don't yell or scream or anything just discuss this like two adults and inform him of your displeasure about the situation the way it is, if he recoils and doesn't want to be diplomatic about this then you may need to look into calling off the marriage, you don't want to set yourself up for failure..hope this helps!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper! ![]() ![]() |
![]() Trippin2.0
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#4
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I dint know what's up with him. We have been together for 6 years. He stated he didn't even want me going to the gym alone either he had heard horror stories from his friends and everyone is creepy. I told him I would go with me my girlfriends from work than dull waiting to hear his response from that. He will probably still say no way to that too. I guess I'll just keep working out at home.
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#5
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He tills me it's because he's insecure about his gut he had scars from surgeries when he was young and is insecure about me finding someone better than him.
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#6
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he has a choice to make, either he goes with you or he lets you go. he CANNOT say he doesn't want go and then keep you from going, no matter waht the reasons. That is purely controlling and you cannot stand for this.
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![]() Trippin2.0, trying2survive
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#7
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hi. saying such thing about a gym is at minimum ridiculous of him. if he actually acts this way caz hes insecure then he needs to sort himself out before being in a serious relationship. tc
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![]() soccerdad, Trippin2.0
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#8
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Quote:
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper! ![]() ![]() |
#9
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i can understand that..you might want to inform him he is not required to remove his shirt, i go to the gym 3 times a week(working my way back up to daily) not once have i seen a guy in there with their shirt off & all gyms have restrooms or changing rooms if not both, or he can come dressed to work out already. a relationship isn't about controlling people and telling them what they can and cannot do..he has the option on going with you..if he doesn't want to go.he has no right hindering you whatsoever! it is admirable that you care about your fitness and well being and he should be supporting you in that endeavor..its just that simple.
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper! ![]() ![]() |
#10
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So in essence he is not voicing concerns over where you spend your time, but actively telling you where and whom you may do so with??? If he says "no way to that too" does that mean you will NOT go to gym with your gfs? Please tell me I'm wrong Lizzy, pleeease.
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![]() DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD ![]() |
#11
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We talked about it I told him how hurt I felt. We have been having intimacy purely on my part I have no sex drive anymore he takes it a bit personally I imagine any guy would but we are working through it. I explained to him what a dunce he was being. He voiced his insecurities, he's agreed to go look at the gyms with me and that he might have misconceptions that he needs to see to be solved. I emphasized it's purely for health reasons . He thinks I'm prefect the way I am I told him I dint feel pretty or sexy I'm doing it for myself if he wants join me it's his decision. If not I'm going with my girlfriend.
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#12
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We talked it over. I listened to his insecurities he think I'm perfect the way I am. I told him I dint feel pretty.or feel healthy. Wet have other in or relationship one main one is I have no desire to have sex I guess any guy would take that personally abit. He think it's his fault it's not. I assured him I want looking for other guys it's purely for health. He agreed and apologized. He offered to tour gyms with me as well. He seemed sincere.
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#13
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Sounds like he may be willing to compromise. If he changes his mind, go to the gym by yourself. This is a perfect opportunity to see if he's trying to control you.
If he's a control freak, be careful, it will only get worse when you're married. He should have no problem with you going to a gym alone, if he doesn't want to. |
![]() healingme4me, Trippin2.0
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